Why would you discourage a highly academic child from attending uni?

[WickedGoodDoge]

Just having a vent.

We went to the annual DH aunties Christmas get together where the mean aunties (with the exception of the one nice one) really excelled themselves this time. We had all sorts of judgements about our parenting, but actually, what stood out the most was this exchange between one particular aunt and DS:

Aunt: “Do you know what you want to do after you leave school?”
DS(16): “I’d like to study Maths at uni.”
Aunt: “Well, university isn’t for everyone. You could just get a job or an apprenticeship straight from school.”
DS: “I really like Maths and I’d quite like to study it.”
Aunt: “But university isn’t for everyone. There are other options. You should look at the other options. XX did an apprenticeship straight from school . University isn’t for everyone.”
Me: “No, he’s going to university.”
Aunt: “But university isn’t for everyone.”

It went on and on and on. I know there are other options. I fail to see why any would be better for DS, Fortunately DS saw the humour in it and spent much of the car ride home doubled over in laughter. I just get worn down by it and dread these get togethers.

For context, aunty and her DC are the only people in DH’s family (including DH) to have gone to university. She and the other aunties have been telling me that “university isn’t for everyone” since DS was 8. DS is a straight A student- we’re in Scotland where we sit Nat5s which I think are roughly equivalent to GCSE’s? He loves school, is highly academic, currently wants to become an actuary and does truly love Maths.

She’s a freaking secondary school teacher . WTF would she be so hellbent on discouraging DS?

Vent over.

As she’s been in secondary education for years, she probably despairs of the number of children going to university especially over the last decade, racking up years of debt when they’d have been better served elsewhere. She’s probably so used to trotting out the same old lines she’s on autopilot.

I wouldn’t take it personally.

Actually she's right in some ways. There are options that would be possibly more successful. Straight into paid work, earning qualifications whilst working rather than running up debt at uni and struggling to get a job afterwards. I'm sorry to tell you that he might not be as academically bright as you think either. Nat 5 isn't worth much... neither are many of the new highers compared to ones that I sat years ago. Far too many people now attend uni where qualifications are being dumbed down. I look at the spelling and grammar of recent graduates and despair that they were ever awarded a degree

Ahh, so she’s maybe thinking it from an English point of view? We’re in Scotland, so maybe she’s not thinking about the fact that we don’t pay fees.

Is it a weird power thing to only keep the university goers in the family to her own little set?

Don’t let it bother you, it’s not like she’s got any influence over what he does anyway.

Well if he wants to go that's fine, but it's not the only option and alternatives should certainly be considered, especially if he can get on a, say, engineering apprenticship where he has a paid job from 18 and his employer puts him through university and pays his fees.

5 years from now he could be a qualified engineer, with a few years experience, a job and no student debt.

I think there should be a lot more of this type of thing available in suitable industries, eg healthcare, accountancy, banking, law, sciences, as well as engineering.

Sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder - ignore her! Good on DS for not taking it seriously.

Can everyone please read the OP’s posts regarding the “student debt” issue

Smile and nod. Their going uni anyway.

Autopilot.

Except, without probably being informed, she isnt wrong. There are a few (and it is few) higher apprenticeships which pay the degree costs as well as give practical work experience. What work does he eventually want to do as some would look for marhs skills.

I doubt she knew of any of these so was trotting out the same old. However, you arent entirely informed, do encourage him to look at what apprenticeships exist in the field he would like to enter.

Even if fees are not paid, an apprenticeship pays and often ends with work opportunities. So they are worth looking at.

Yeah, he won’t have any debt. We’ll cover food/accommodation as well so dent is absolutely not an issue.

Barbara He has no interest in engineering, but one of the things he is considering is the PWC programme at Edinburgh where you do your degree and are employed by PWC in the summer, but you still end up with a degree (Data Science) at the end (vague summary, I know). She wasn’t talking about that sort of apprenticeship, though.

‘No but it is for me.’ And repeat.

When I wrote my post, I hadn't seen that you are in Scotland, but that PWC programme sounds like a good idea .

But I do think too many people blindly go to university without thinking about where they want it to lead or whether it's the best path for them.

Or even better ‘apprenticeships aren’t fit everyone’

I have had this in my family. I think it’s jealousy partly. As in why should you have opportunities we didn’t? One culprit then goes round telling everyone they are an accountant when they are no such thing and have no qualifications in that area. It’s weird. Take no notice op. Smile and wave.

My DB is an actuary and went straight into a company after leaving school. He did all his professional qualifications while working for an Insurance company along with several others. It was a few years ago. but it was the preferred way to qualify as it was quicker and they got paid. A friend did it through uni and still had several professional exams to do after his degree. I was definitely one of the few professions where an apprenticeship was preferable to a degree

Kezzie At the moment, he wants to be an Actuary, but he’s 16 and this may well change. Ideally he wants to end up in the US, going down a route of undergraduate here and either into actuarial work or post-grad in the US and into work over there. But again, he’s 16 so this may well change.

Am I the only one wondering how long the car ride home was? missespointofthread

multivac Only ten minutes.

The answer to “university isn’t for everyone” is:

“How true. Do you have a particular reason to think that it wouldn’t suit me?”

In the end if the day, it really doesn’t matter what she thinks. She has no power in the discussion and it doesn’t seem to bother your DS.

University isn't for everyone! - plenty dropped out - many were very successful at school with the support of their teachers and their parents but just did not enjoy the University experience. I think it's good to challenge dcs on their decision to go - if they are put off by someone saying that University isn't for everyone - maybe they need more time/maturity or to do something else. Our local schools are exam factories - kids are just expected to go to University by their parents and the local culture - it's important that this gets challenged - even for very academic kids...it should be a well thought through decision.

Balonder I’d disagree. Both DH and I have backgrounds in FS and many of our friends are actuaries . All of them went down the route of degree first then did their actuarial exams whilst employed. When I was on the General Management Trainee Programme at one of the big Edinburgh FS companies, we were desperately jealous of the Actuarial Graduate Trainees because they got all the best placements.

She was wrong and rude to persist like that.She should, as a member of his family, have taken an interest in what his plans are, which sound well thought out, and been pleased that he's doing well at school.
But honestly, so many go to university now without thinking of the alternatives, and struggle to find 'graduate' jobs afterwards.
And too many get in with quite low qualifications, depending on the university and course, having been spoon-fed through school, and aren't suited to university at all.
So much experience of that has made her judgmental.

All of them went down the route of degree first then did their actuarial exams whilst employed

How recently?

If DS wants to go to University to do his degree full time then fine but if he is genuinely set on that type of career path he should also look at the apprenticeships offered by "Big" accounting/consulting firms. He would do his degree part time whilst working with all relevant professional/educational fees paid and at the starting points for most graduates will already be both experienced and qualified. This type of apprenticeship has really only appeared in the last few years.

I appreciate university fees are not charged in Scotland but there are still costs.