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Original poster

Why would you discourage a highly academic child from attending uni?

175 replies

WickedGoodDoge · 29/12/2018 10:05

Just having a vent.

We went to the annual DH aunties Christmas get together where the mean aunties (with the exception of the one nice one) really excelled themselves this time. We had all sorts of judgements about our parenting, but actually, what stood out the most was this exchange between one particular aunt and DS:

Aunt: “Do you know what you want to do after you leave school?”
DS(16): “I’d like to study Maths at uni.”
Aunt: “Well, university isn’t for everyone. You could just get a job or an apprenticeship straight from school.”
DS: “I really like Maths and I’d quite like to study it.”
Aunt: “But university isn’t for everyone. There are other options. You should look at the other options. XX did an apprenticeship straight from school . University isn’t for everyone.”
Me: “No, he’s going to university.”
Aunt: “But university isn’t for everyone.”

It went on and on and on. I know there are other options. I fail to see why any would be better for DS, Fortunately DS saw the humour in it and spent much of the car ride home doubled over in laughter. I just get worn down by it and dread these get togethers.

For context, aunty and her DC are the only people in DH’s family (including DH) to have gone to university. She and the other aunties have been telling me that “university isn’t for everyone” since DS was 8. DS is a straight A student- we’re in Scotland where we sit Nat5s which I think are roughly equivalent to GCSE’s? He loves school, is highly academic, currently wants to become an actuary and does truly love Maths.

She’s a freaking secondary school teacher . WTF would she be so hellbent on discouraging DS?

Vent over.

OP posts:

Waddsup12 · 30/12/2018 02:54

The actuarial exams in the UK are run badly by the Institute, to say the very least...

Apprenticeships, due to the levy, are the way it's going. Both L4 &7.

I would encourage him to do anything else, tbh.

IdaBWells · 30/12/2018 02:57

Generally if you study for a STEM degree you're going to be quids in over your life time. As the OPs son will not be paying fees then getting a math degree will almost certainly pay off. One area of IT that is in massively high demand by employers is Artificial Intelligence.

Waddsup12 · 30/12/2018 03:00

But a maths degree is a good idea. I shared a house with maths/economics people & they all have great jobs now.

No-one in my family had ever been to Uni but I was always going to go....

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General education Higher education

Waddsup12 · 30/12/2018 03:00

He's well old enough to have a plan.

IdaBWells · 30/12/2018 03:02

Oculus the virtual reality company owned by Facebook have masses of openings in the USA, I don't know if they are based in Europe too. Their jobs are highly paid and you might want to see what kind of qualifications they are looking for.

AGHHHH · 30/12/2018 03:05

I read the title as highly anaemic child.

Cherries101 · 30/12/2018 03:17

If he wants to be an actuary, actually an apprenticeship with PWC or Aviva (that gives him experience, a degree, and professional qualifications) is the best route.

Sashkin · 30/12/2018 03:36

I went to med school, and my mum still had family members telling her I should have become a nurse instead. Some people just don’t like to see you getting ideas above your station.

She obviously doesn’t think “your type” should go to university. You should know your place and get a job in a shop or something. Ignore.

Original poster

WickedGoodDoge · 30/12/2018 08:30

A friend from high school is a Director at Oculus (well, she’s a “Head of...” at Director level). If DS goes off the actuary idea, that is the sort of direction he might head towards and would definitely need a degree- that’s probably going down the route of undergrad here followed by post-grad in the US, followed by techie company job. Auntie’s Head would probably explode if DS did post-grad as well!

We know there are apprenticeships through the big consultancies/accountancy firms etc which put you through professional qualifications, but not a degree. However, DH is fairly senior at one of the big consultancies (without a degree himself, and still comes up against barriers due to that) and he would absolutely not recommend this route for DS. DS is looking at the PWC/Edinburgh University apprenticeship, but he’s not convinced the degree in offer is what he wants to do.

I really don’t care if DS comes out of uni and then goes in a completely different direction. I have a degree in German and History (in the US) and did absolutely nothing with it- eventually ended up doing a PostGrad Dip (which got me onto a UK graduate scheme) followed by an MBA (paid for by said employer). I don’t consider my undergraduate degree to have been a waste of time, but others may well disagree.

OP posts:

Original poster

WickedGoodDoge · 30/12/2018 08:43

What I’d really like to know is if Aunty thinks that university is not for DS, who does she deem suitable to go study Maths at uni (as that’s all he’d said when she started in on her lecture and she just didn’t sway from her view until DS could make his escape)? Perhaps I will ask the next time she starts on about it. I can tell this is going to be a theme for the next year and a half.

OP posts:

Original poster

WickedGoodDoge · 30/12/2018 08:47

I will stop spamming now, but this is the PWC/Edinburgh course/apprenticeship he’s possibly considering: www.ed.ac.uk/studying/undergraduate/degrees/index.php?action=programme&code=DS01

OP posts:

Mydogisforlife · 30/12/2018 08:48

Oh well, she sounds ridiculous. Your son is very keen on maths and very academically inclined, so the ideal candidate for university. A degree will keep his options open for the future. And isn't the reason it's so difficult to recruit maths teachers the fact that they have good opportunities outwith teaching?
Eventually the annual auntie meetup will be worth tholing for the joy of telling her how well he's doing!

ErrolTheDragon · 30/12/2018 09:08

I'm curious to know what Aunty's degree, and her DCs are in.

Original poster

WickedGoodDoge · 30/12/2018 09:25

Errol Aunty did her teacher training in the early 70s- don’t know the details of where/what. I’ll PM about the cousins as they are really nice and don’t want to bring them into it.

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 30/12/2018 10:03

Apologies, I didn’t mean to pry but you’ve confirmed what I guessed - this woman hasn’t much of a clue what a maths degree is, has she? And probably very little idea about the importance of high level maths in the real world for so many things nowadays. Actuaries, statisticians (or ‘data scientists’ as I believe is now the cool term), cryptography ... and then all the advanced maths that goes into science and engineering.

Lweji · 30/12/2018 10:11

OP, that is something that you should have asked her at the time and directly.
Next time if anyone does the same.
We can't possibly know her motivations and it's not likely she'll know your DS's school record well.

But... Why are you even asking? It didn't bother your DS, why is it bothering you?

It will probably go the same way as when one of my teachers told me that research in biology was basically an impossible career.

anniehm · 30/12/2018 10:14

It does seem odd from someone who has been through university. I had this from my grandmother who thought being an air hostess was the perfect job for me because I could marry a pilot! She died before I started university but I think she never understood women could have careers - women had jobs in her mind pre kids and to supplement the family income (she always worked). My other grandmother however was so proud of me going to university and attended my graduation, she met my now husband and was so proud when he got his PhD - she would have been so chuffed that her great grandchildren are at/about to start university too. Do whatever is right for you and ignore the naysayers

anniehm · 30/12/2018 10:19

For engineering either a degree or higher apprenticeship (which allows you to study for a degree part time) is essential for career progression as jobs will state "a degree in .... engineering " as the first criteria in job specs. My dd is about to start electrical engineering and she is fully aware that the piece of paper with "degree" on it is the most useful part of the course, she will learn most of her job (she's sponsored) once she starts work!

ErrolTheDragon · 30/12/2018 10:25

My dd is about to start electrical engineering and she is fully aware that the piece of paper with "degree" on it is the most useful part of the course, she will learn most of her job (she's sponsored) once she starts work!

I think you're underestimating the amount they learn during an engineering degree. Of course not everything will be directly relevant to the job they end up in, but some of it is surely the 'tools of the trade'.

ForalltheSaints · 30/12/2018 11:18

I'd want a child to be studying something that is the only gateway into their chosen career. The aunt is spot on in my opinion, as saddling yourself with debt, and perhaps having to be at home whilst at uni to reduce this, is not something I would ever have done.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/12/2018 11:34

The OP is in Scotland, not the same situation re debt.

And that leaves aside the issue that not everyone has a 'chosen career' ... but there are many subjects which clearly can be 'gateways' into a variety of worthwhile careers. And there are some careers with multiple valid 'gateways'.I can see no possible reason to deter a clever youngster from any 'hard STEM' degree, if they love the subject, even if they aren't sure what exactly they want to end up doing. Actually, in these fields you may end up doing a job which didn't even exist when you were 17/18, and even more likely one you couldn't really have comprehended on the basis of what you knew at that age.

A fixed idea and a narrow path may be the right choice for some, but probably very limiting for others.

Badbadbunny · 30/12/2018 11:46

I'd want a child to be studying something that is the only gateway into their chosen career.

Very few kids know what their chosen career is when they're 17. My son is in a grammar L6 at the moment, and the only ones who have fixed focus are going to medical school or the armed forces. The rest are being encouraged to look at "generic" degrees appertaining to their strengths, predominantly Maths and general science related, so that they can "specialise" in years 2 & 3 of their degree when they may have a better idea of their career choices, or at least come out of Uni with a degree that gives them options. They're being warned against specific degrees if they're not entirely certain about career paths but also being strongly encouraged to think about degrees STEM subjects which give you choices and are sought after by employers.
Careers advice is poor, so the best advice is to do a degree that gives you plenty of choices.

JillScarlet · 30/12/2018 11:51

Your Ds has the right approach: laugh, and make your own decision.

Original poster

WickedGoodDoge · 30/12/2018 11:57

But... Why are you even asking? It didn't bother your DS, why is it bothering you?

Lweji I’ll fully admit that I’m putting too much focus on it (and really, it’s quite fun venting in here but I’m not dwelling on it IRL). This is just the latest in the never ending stream of comments from all the aunties on a variety of topics and I hate the get togethers. I only go for DH and he only goes because it would upset MIL if we didn’t.

I could have chosen any number of annoying comments- e.g. last summer when they asked DS what his summer job was and while he didn’t have one, that was because he had a year round p/t job starting at the end of the summer (sports coaching) but he needed to qualify for it first and his sports club was running the course at the start of the summer. Plus we were away in the middle so said he could just wait, “That’s no good!” was the declaration by the four sisters who proceeded to lecture him on how terrible it was that he didn’t have a summer job.

Or I could vent about their obsession with the fact that he barely drinks. Mean aunty #1 is particularly cutting about this. She seems to think it’s completely off and since he was 13 has been going on about how it’s normal to be put drinking and partying at the weekends and why doesn’t he- what a dull life he must have! I rarely drink and DH doesn’t drink much either. DS has drifted into a group of boys who would rather go see a film or hang out at home but without alcohol and is happy. This seems to make Aunty very unhappy.

I could go on and on and on.

I’m aware I now sound like a raving lunatic, so will stop. It is very nice to get it off my chest.

OP posts:

LiveSleepSnore · 30/12/2018 12:02

Oh now the drinking part would irritate me while the scepticism around university wouldn't!

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