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Original poster

Dogs. Genuine question for dog owners.

171 replies

Eatyourveg88 · 27/12/2018 08:58

I’ve never had a dog but I’m an animal lover and have had many pets myself in the past, eg cats, small pets. I have nothing against well behaved dogs!

If I visit the house of a person with dogs, AIBU to expect not to be :

-licked
-scratched
-jumped at
-have items taken from me
-barked at
-have my shoes chewed etc

This is what happens when we visit a relative with dogs. I’ve never really liked it but up until now I’ve tolerated it. I don’t feel in danger as the dogs are harmless, I just find it really annoying and don’t relax at their house.

However now I’ve got a baby so this Christmas I said I wasn’t prepared to visit them due to the dogs. Was I being unreasonable?!

I said they were welcome to visit us (without the dogs) or we could meet in a pub or somewhere.

The relatives are upset we didn’t visit.

If you have dogs, is that what it’s like in your house?!

OP posts:

StoppinBy · 28/12/2018 22:43

My kids live at my house.... it is their house too... from now on I shall allow them to jump up on, scratch, yell at and lick all my visitors while sitting on the back of the couch/chair where you are sitting and at no point will I ask them to go play in their rooms to play

bet all the 'wont separate my dogs brigade' will enjoy that kind of treatment when they visit others.

GallicosCats · 28/12/2018 22:46

A friend of mine knows not to invite me and another non-dog-loving mutual friend to hers because of her dog. It doesn't just bark. It growls alarmingly, whines, chews your shoes and generally doesn't make you feel comfortable. She says 'Oh, he's only trying to talk to you' but I'm not going within 10 feet of an animal that sounds like that. I don't mind dogs that sniff, greet or seek a petting, but excessive barking puts me on edge.

AliasGrape · 28/12/2018 22:50

My dog will approach you (not running and wouldn’t touch you) expecting you to fuss and adore him, and any attention/affection you showed him would be lapped up and if you were fussing him he might push his luck and try to get on your lap. But if you didn’t interact with him at all he wouldn’t push himself, he’d just go back to bed and ignore you.

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Dogs

U2HasTheEdge · 28/12/2018 22:55

from now on I shall allow them to jump up on, scratch, yell at and lick all my visitors while sitting on the back of the couch/chair where you are sitting and at no point will I ask them to go play in their rooms to play

No problem. I just wouldn't visit you again if I didn't like it and I would get up and go home. I certainly wouldn't expect you to put your child in another room for the duration of my visit.

If I don't like what goes on in your house then I don't go in it. It really is that simple.

StoppinBy · 28/12/2018 23:06

U2hastheedge the irony is real, never in a million years would you find this behaviour acceptable.... you make that clear in your reply.... yet many of the people (yourself included) expect that behaviour to be accepted by visitors from their dogs.

I would never want people invited to my house to feel uncomfortable, I would happily put my dog out and give my child the choice to either play in her room for a bit or settle down if she was acting all hyper.

Neither my dog/s or children run my house, my husband and I do.

pineapplebryanbrown · 28/12/2018 23:15

I find people who don't like dogs aren't my cup of tea anyway and I'm perfectly happy for them not to visit. If a professional needs to come to my house for some reason fine, I'll lock the dogs away. Otherwise, it's a bonus to have a dog on your lap.

teachergirl2011 · 28/12/2018 23:18

My dog's home not yours if you don't want to visit fair enough! They live here you don't!

pineapplebryanbrown · 28/12/2018 23:24

teachergirl2011 exactly, byeeee! Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

U2HasTheEdge · 28/12/2018 23:27

Well yes, I would give my children that option too if they were acting hyper, but you can't reason with dogs. Mine simply aren't going away in another room . My dogs don't run my house, I don't want them in another room for the reasons I said above. The initial excitement of visitors does not last long and they soon calm down. Like I said, if people can't handle it then they are free to not come here, just like I am free not to visit someone if I don't like their children's behaviour.

We are going around in circles and I find the comparison between children and dogs a pretty silly one.

drspouse · 28/12/2018 23:34

@MountainPony
That list has actually made me feel nervous.
Yet even when I appear nervous (large out of control dog in public) dog owners do not take account of this, just tell me how nice/harmless their dog is.
It is rather like being force fed a food you don't like.
It's not going to hurt you but why would anyone assume people's tastes are the same?

StoppinBy · 28/12/2018 23:39

It's not silly at all, I could almost guarantee that at least 80% of the people who refuse to separate their pets would call them 'their children'.

The point is - why would you invite people over then feel you have a right to make them uncomfortable?

I actually worked as a vet nurse and a kennel hand for most of my adult life until chance landed me in hospitality and I actually really like dogs by myself, however when it comes to my kids I know that both kids and dogs can be unpredictable and anyone who thinks inviting someone over who has a baby or young kids and expecting them to like it or lump it when it comes to their dogs has a few screws loose IMO..... this is exactly what the OP's post is about.

Maybe I am a little sensitive as apart from the ages I could have written the OP myself about my own mother (except her dogs actually are without a doubt a danger to my kids - even though she wont see it) but the OP's family ARE upset she wont bring baby to the house and they (like you) wont separate their dog.

I actually agree with thighofrelief but from the opposite end, anyone who would prioritise their dogs comfort over either a visitors comfort of their childrens safety is no friend of mine.

Childrenofthesun · 28/12/2018 23:43

If you are one of the dog owners who says visitors should accept dogs jumping/licking/sitting on you or otherwise not visit, does that mean you are only friends with people who like dogs? Do you get rid of friends who don't like them?

I quite like dogs but hate them jumping up at me. I have a cat. If I have visitors, she usually hides anyway, but I always shut her out of the room we are sitting in, even if that's usually where she would be, because she is a cat and however much I love her, her feelings are not as important as a human's.

MountainPony · 29/12/2018 00:02

U2hastheedge - I'm sorry your dogs were so poorly treated, that's horrible.

But surely the fact that you are making efforts to train them not to lick/jump/lean implies that you know that this is not acceptable or reasonable behaviour.

As a guest, I'd have some sympathy for a very apologetic host who was making obvious efforts to restrain their dogs from harassing me and explained that due to their history they can't be shut away, but that you're really sorry and would I like to go and wash the saliva off? I still wouldn't enjoy enforced contact with the dog, but I'd try to be tolerant (and yes, suggest we meet elsewhere in future).

I have markedly less patience for a host who airily dismisses their dog's poor behaviour as "jumping on you for kisses" and expects me to indulge having my clothes and person dribbled on as an endearing jape.

MountainPony · 29/12/2018 00:08

(As an aside, another reason I might not want to to visit your house if you have a dog is because your house smells. Sorry, but it it does. I know you don't think it does and no-one has ever commented, and you're obsessive about reed diffusers and you wash the dog every week etc etc, but it smells. People are just too polite to make an issue of it.)

U2HasTheEdge · 29/12/2018 00:09

I could almost guarantee that at least 80% of the people who refuse to separate their pets would call them 'their children'.

I am definitely in the 20% who wouldn't. They are not my children. I would not separate them because it would distress one of them very badly which would then wind up the other one.

when it comes to my kids I know that both kids and dogs can be unpredictable and anyone who thinks inviting someone over who has a baby or young kids and expecting them to like it or lump it when it comes to their dogs has a few screws loose IMO.....

Anyone coming over with children would know about my dogs, know about my dog's history and know that I won't be separating them. I have five children and have had many other children here. My dogs are amazing with children but I would always tell people about the dogs, so if they aren't comfortable we can meet somewhere else.

does that mean you are only friends with people who like dogs? Do you get rid of friends who don't like them?

I wouldn't get rid of a friend who didn't like dogs. My friend's child is scared of dogs so she doesn't come round with him.

however much I love her, her feelings are not as important as a human's.

My dog who would be distressed comes before a friend being uncomfortable in my dog's own home. My dog who doesn't care less about being away from us? More than happy to separate then but until the other two are more secure they will come first.

pineapplebryanbrown · 29/12/2018 00:23

I find I just don't have much in common with people who are not nuts about dogs. It changes everything in your life, from your home furnishings to your clothes to your choice of activities.

I don't go to restaurants in the evening very often because it bores me. I do very often go out to lunch in doggy cafes with other dog friends and sit outside with our dogs. I would far rather be walking in the park than going shopping for instance and I am always wearing trainers or boots and have mud on the hems of my trousers.

I liken it to if I visited a friend with toddlers I really would expect to have to admire all the new paintings, pasta necklaces etc and have a slightly pissy kid on my lap. If there was green snot I would ask my friend to wipe the kid's nose but otherwise - join in the fun surely?

TheyMostlyComeAtNightMostly · 29/12/2018 00:24

TBF U2HasTheEdge, your situation is far from typical. Most people can shut their dog/s in part of the house/garden with no issue.

Pieceofpurplesky · 29/12/2018 00:36

If it's someone who doesn't know him I will warn visitors about the dog. He likes to sit on visitors knees and stare at them.

Ylvamoon · 29/12/2018 00:43

In my house your arrival will be noted with a lot of barking. You will definitely be surrounded, and there will be a scramble for the right to greet you first - this can result in some jumping, in a heat of the moment type of way. Once you sit down, you will have a dog by your feet and one sitting right beside you for a little chat. A few more will be within your proximity, watching, waiting for you to acknowledge them. All giving you their undivided attention as any good host would do.
Ok ... that is what THEY do if I let them play host. Generally I put them away when I am expecting guests. 5 dogs can be a bit overwhelming even if you are a dog lover!

ScreamingBadSanta · 29/12/2018 00:53

My sister has a genuine phobia of dogs, so I am used to making sure mine doesn't make her feel uncomfortable by keeping him in check. As a result, she is relatively OK around my dog, but won't go near strange dogs.

It has to be said my ddog didn't get off to a marvellous start with her when he was a pup - he kept stealing her flip-flops! Fortunately he grew out of that one quickly!

Surfskatefamily · 29/12/2018 07:26

My dads got 3 unruly german shepards..which are friendly but insane. Im not going there anymore.
There is a big dog at mil too but we've put a doggate in. Maybe you could suggest the same?
If they dont want it permenantly you can get fold up stair gates that are pretty sturdy.
Otherwise if they really dont to separate dog it is ok as their house, just dont go round

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