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Original poster

Dogs. Genuine question for dog owners.

171 replies

Eatyourveg88 · 27/12/2018 08:58

I’ve never had a dog but I’m an animal lover and have had many pets myself in the past, eg cats, small pets. I have nothing against well behaved dogs!

If I visit the house of a person with dogs, AIBU to expect not to be :

-licked
-scratched
-jumped at
-have items taken from me
-barked at
-have my shoes chewed etc

This is what happens when we visit a relative with dogs. I’ve never really liked it but up until now I’ve tolerated it. I don’t feel in danger as the dogs are harmless, I just find it really annoying and don’t relax at their house.

However now I’ve got a baby so this Christmas I said I wasn’t prepared to visit them due to the dogs. Was I being unreasonable?!

I said they were welcome to visit us (without the dogs) or we could meet in a pub or somewhere.

The relatives are upset we didn’t visit.

If you have dogs, is that what it’s like in your house?!

OP posts:

MountainPony · 28/12/2018 09:00

I'm not frightened of dogs, but I really don't like them (mainly the smell, the spit and the hair). I don't expect dogs to be shut away if I'm a visitor to their owner’s home, but I absolutely loathe it when I'm expected to interact with the dog.

I'm really resentful when I’m told that I have to pat and stroke the dog and then it will leave me alone - I want it to leave me alone from the outset. I will wash my hands immediately after touching a dog if I'm forced to, and I don't care if the owner thinks this is rude - I think it's rude that they've forced me to touch their pet when I really don't want to in order to stop it harassing me.

I hate this, "well it's the dog's home" business. I know that, and I'd never expect it to change its behaviour to the environment or other people just because I'm there. It can roll around and wag and jump to it's heart content if the owners think this is acceptable. I do however expect it to stay absolutely away from me if that's what I want.

As for PPs seemingly thinking that their dog smearing its saliva over guests to their house...Christ, that's disgusting and I cannot comprehend how you think this is in any way acceptable, let alone endearing.

Satsumaeater · 28/12/2018 09:15

MountainPony quite. I never go anywhere where there's a dog, I find out before I go and then don't visit.

Would people allow their children to hassle visitors in this way? If not, why is it ok for dogs to do it? I am allergic to cats and find that cat owners are really considerate. Other than at MIL who had two very old cats which dribbled everywhere, I have never had an allergic reaction at a friend's house as they are so good about sweeping etc and as long as I don't touch the cat I am fine.

Lazypuppy · 28/12/2018 10:29

@thereallifesaffy completely agree. My dog wants people coming into his home to acknowledge him, give him a quick tickle and he'll leave you alone.

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llangennith · 28/12/2018 10:40

I have two dozy cavaliers but when I answer the front door to anyone they're ushered into the kitchen behind the dog-gate. Dogs shouldn't be allowed to jump up on or annoy people.

StoppinBy · 28/12/2018 10:41

@thighofrelief My hubby once walked in to our bedroom while I was in bed asleep to find my German Short Haired Pointer sitting on the end of our bed (my dogs used to sleep in the bed but when DH and I moved in together they were trained to sleep on the floor so shouldn't have even been up there lol) and she was apparently just staring at me really weirdly.

Not sure what was on her mind but the staring was a bit creepy haha.

DyingMachine · 28/12/2018 10:51

I have 4 dogs. In my house, they would probably do a bit of low key pestering for a cuddle. They may steal a slipper and parade around with it in their mouth for a few mins (definitely no destruction of said item!)

I would never allow them to do any of the things you have described, but they are really not like that.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 28/12/2018 10:59

You get a small amount of dashing about and wiggling, then a little bit of sniffing and she may bring a bone to show you. There is no licking and no barking. Then, she'll curl up on the rug and snooze.

MountainPony · 28/12/2018 15:06

* I have 4 dogs. In my house, they would probably do a bit of low key pestering for a cuddle. They may steal a slipper and parade around with it in their mouth for a few mins*

It is honestly beyond my comprehension that some dog owners think that this is just tickety boo. I'm sure that dog-loving visitors would have no issue with it, but absolutely loads of people don't like dogs. I'd consider someone letting their pet snatch my slipper and cover it in saliva for three minutes while they looked on indulgently as unbelievably inconsiderate and self-centred. I would be disgusted both by what the dog had done to my property, and the rudeness of its owner.

DartmoorDoughnut · 28/12/2018 15:10

In my house you’d be met by barking as they’d be shut out in the back kitchen/utility area with a stair gate so I don’t feel bad but they’re not in the way, particularly as you have a baby.

LuckyLou7 · 28/12/2018 15:27

My dog gets put in the kitchen or back garden when we have guests that aren't comfortable around him. He's a friendly little thing but some people just don't like dogs and I accept that. I wouldn't be happy with him jumping up, licking people or stealing stuff. He lives here but it's our house.

SheWhoDaresGins2 · 28/12/2018 16:13

In this house you will have a dog sat on the back of the sofa behind you. Occasional ear sniff but he will be watching your baby wondering if it is lickable and waiting for you to say "go on then" he thinks anything in your hand is potentially food however he will also fall asleep on you waiting.

puppymouse · 28/12/2018 16:22

YANBU - I'm a dog lover but I do struggle to stop my retriever from obsessing over anyone visiting. He rubs his back end against people asking for it to be scratched, covers them in hair and then sits on their feet waiting to be loved. If you don't like dogs it's not ideal.

My big pet hate (excuse the pun) is jumping up. A friend's terrier seems to be getting the message and ignores me now but every sodding time I saw it I ended up with paw prints all over my car and legs. Drives me crazy.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 28/12/2018 17:19

If you invite someone to your house who you know doesn’t like/ is frightened of dogs, then I think it’s the height of bad manners to expect that person to be accepting of licks, jumping, dribble etc.

I don’t buy this “it’s their home”. It isn’t, it’s belongs to the home owner who has chosen to share that space with a pet, but there are all kinds of reasons why people don’t enjoy being around dogs and I think anxiety and hygiene are two of them that are important.

If you invite someone to your home, surely you should want them to feel comfortable in your home.

drspouse · 28/12/2018 17:29

I'm not completely sure how sensitive most dog owners are to visitors' dog love or otherwise - I'm very much not a dog person but try to be polite because there is no really polite way to say "pleas shut your dog away", is there?

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 28/12/2018 17:35

My dog is a bit of a twat, so if you’re not a dog person she’s put in her crate or outside-it might be her home but you would be my guests and I’d want you to feel comfortable.
If you are a doggy person, she’ll bark at you, jump (bloody high considering she’s only small) and want fuss and attention for a few minutes before she wanders off bored, she won’t get on your lap or anything, until it’s time for you to go at which point she’ll see you out of the door with a bark or 7 .

U2HasTheEdge · 28/12/2018 17:40

Here you would have three dogs jump onto you for kisses . Then they will sit on the sofa right next to you. They do get very excited when people come round. We are working on it.

If you are male and new to the house one might bark because he has a sad history with men. He comes around very quickly though.

My JRT will stare at you, but with soft loving eyes, in the attempt to look adorable so he gets more love.

FuckBrussel · 28/12/2018 18:01

Both mine are rescues, and works in progress. I wouldn't want somebody coming round, getting offended by them and setting them back months by making me put them in the kitchen or garden. Odds are they would probably leave you alone anyway, but if you don't want to meet them then let me know in advance and we'll arrange to meet somewhere else.

And actually is IS their home. We invited them here, they're safe here and know what they can and can't do.

MountainPony · 28/12/2018 20:05

Mmmm...the whole "odds are they'd probably leave you alone" stuff is part of what's so frustrating.

Why should visiting a dog owner be a Russian roulette of leaving covered in dog drool and hair or not? Why can't dog owners just keep their pets away from people who don't want to be touched by them, ffs?

I wouldn't expect them to be shut in the garden or wherever (though I'd prefer it), I'd be happy to let the dog knock itself out with its crotch sniffing, face licking, and slipper stealing with those present who enjoy that sort of thing, I just don't want to be expected to put up with any contact with the thing myself. But the best some dog owners can manage is that their pets will "probably" leave me be if they're minded to do so. It's so disrespectful, I will just never get my head around why they think this is ok.

Lazypuppy · 28/12/2018 20:28

@MountainPony

It's so disrespectful, I will just never get my head around why they think this is ok.

Its not disrespectful. Its the dog's home. If people want to come to my house, they know I have a dog, and the chances are high they will get licked and will definitely leave with dog hair on them. If they don't want that, then don't come round. Simple.

MountainPony · 28/12/2018 20:42

Or maybe just control your dog so that it doesn't smear saliva all over any visitors who don't want that? That way you could accommodate all guests but give free rein to your pets' gross behaviour to those who welcome it.

We're clearly going to have to agree to disagree, but it's a bit nuts (and, yes, rude and selfish) to take the stance that you'd never have some friends in your house than exercise a bit of control over your pet.

Lazypuppy · 28/12/2018 21:03

@MountainPony yes we'll agree to disagree. Its nothing to do with control, i could control my dog and shut him in another room, but i don't want to, that's the difference. My dog is like another child, he is part of our family. So yes if people wpuld rather not come round, not a problem we can meet somewhere else

drspouse · 28/12/2018 21:08

But how would they know to suggest not coming to your house @Lazypuppy?
I would assume that people DON'T have overwhelming dogs if they ask me round to their house and I would find it very awkward to say "yes I really mind".

U2HasTheEdge · 28/12/2018 21:11

I am not keeping my dogs away from people. If people don't like dogs they don't have to visit.

My rescue with the abusive past would still hate being kept out of the way in another room. Keeping him in another room is never going to happen and whilst his manners are a lot better now he has room for improvement. I will happily meet a friend who don't like dogs elsewhere.

You are going to leave with some dog hair on you no matter where the dogs are when you visit.

adaline · 28/12/2018 21:21

Mine would jump (but he's still a puppy) and possibly lick you if you let him. But he calms down after the initial minute or so - then he'll have a few sniffs and settle himself down with a chew. He might initiate play with his tuggy as well.

However I wouldn't shut him away - it's his home. If people don't want to be in a home with a dog then they can go elsewhere. I would however keep him on a lead if there were nervous people around.

drspouse · 28/12/2018 21:24

@adaline How do you know they are nervous?

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