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Original poster

Dogs. Genuine question for dog owners.

171 replies

Eatyourveg88 · 27/12/2018 08:58

I’ve never had a dog but I’m an animal lover and have had many pets myself in the past, eg cats, small pets. I have nothing against well behaved dogs!

If I visit the house of a person with dogs, AIBU to expect not to be :

-licked
-scratched
-jumped at
-have items taken from me
-barked at
-have my shoes chewed etc

This is what happens when we visit a relative with dogs. I’ve never really liked it but up until now I’ve tolerated it. I don’t feel in danger as the dogs are harmless, I just find it really annoying and don’t relax at their house.

However now I’ve got a baby so this Christmas I said I wasn’t prepared to visit them due to the dogs. Was I being unreasonable?!

I said they were welcome to visit us (without the dogs) or we could meet in a pub or somewhere.

The relatives are upset we didn’t visit.

If you have dogs, is that what it’s like in your house?!

OP posts:
Giggorata · 27/12/2018 10:59

My dogs mainly live outside in a kennel and run, coming in for some fuss in the evenings. They bark at visitors when outside, as they are protecting their territory.
They do not come inside to meet visitors unless they are doggy people, and even then, they are not used to children and are a bit wary of them, so I keep them away.
One is quite friendly to people she is introduced to in the house and will sit close and gaze adoringly, the other is more aloof and ignores strangers.

Raven88 · 27/12/2018 11:54

The owner should be telling the dog off, I grew up with dogs and also had my mums dog for a while and he is overly affectionate but we tell him no or remove him from the room. When I go to my mums I can't wear tights or any dress that is easily torn because he jumps on me but I sit on the floor to distract him from the other guests as I don't mind being jumped on. It's not unreasonable to expect an owner to teach a dog boundaries.

AlessandroVasectomi · 27/12/2018 12:17

We had a golden retriever for 13 years. He would always want to be acknowledged and once visitors had done that we would ensure he left them alone. We had 4 babies after we had him so he was well used to young children - who always made a beeline for him.

We have friends who have three children and a couple of years ago they got a rescue dog. It’s a very fluffy poodle/bichon frise (or something similar) cross. The children treat it like a doll and it licks them all over and crawls all over them. Accordingly, it expects to do the same to everybody it encounters - it’s an absolute pain! It’s only tiny and when it jumps up it stands on its hind legs and comes up to about calf level, digging its claws in to show affection. I want to stamp on the bloody thing! Like the children, it has next to no discipline and it makes visiting very trying.

I’m with the OP in expecting dog owners to realise that not every visitor is a dog lover.

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Maelstrop · 27/12/2018 12:46

Barking at the doorbell, sniffed then quite likely to be ignored. You might get one dog soulfully staring at you and leaning on you.

MotorcycleMayhem · 27/12/2018 12:53

Totally unacceptable behaviour, apart from the licking really - unless it's excessive.

We're training our 3yo crossbreed out of jumping up, and to go to her bed when someone arrives. It's taken all of a weeek to instill in her. Jumping up is harder as too many people arriving bloody encourage it by saying thry don't mind it, fuss her and play with her as she bounces off the walls despite us begging them not to. 🙄

If someone comes to us with young children, to be safe we keep her on a lead on arrival and only let her off when she's calmed down (open plan ground floor - no doors). Shes super friendly, no aggression, but very bouncy. I'd still never take my eyes off a child and a dog though.

CaptainsYuleLog · 27/12/2018 12:58

Can someone whose dogs does it explain why they allow them to lick people. It's just gross.

ScreamingBadSanta · 27/12/2018 13:08

Mine would bark a couple of times when you came in and then it would depend on how much attention you showed him. He wouldn't lick you or steal your things. He might jump up if you showed signs of making a fuss of him; if not, he'd trot off and go to sleep once the novelty of your presence had worn off (after five minutes).

If I had a visitor who was uncomfortable around dogs, I'd shut the dog in the living room (where he spends most of his time anyway) and entertain the guest somewhere else. I wouldn't invite anyone to stay long-term if they couldn't cope with the dog, as it wouldn't be fair to the guest or the dog.

itwaseverthus · 27/12/2018 13:13

A friend's relatively new rescue dog stood behind me on the sofa at my holiday cottage. I thought she was looking out the window. No. She was urinating on me. Barked non stop, clearly had previous trauma poor thing but I felt she was at fault for bringing the dog to my home. Ruined the sofa and freaked me right out.

Visited another friend recently with two labs. They are so heavy when they jump all over and lick you. I had to say I was feeling uncomfortable and he kindly put them in their cage/kennel thing. I do like dogs but definitely feel some owners need to make more allowance for folk who are not as comfortable with their affections.

nuttyknitter · 27/12/2018 13:18

Ours would bark as you arrived, but has been trained not to jump up, lick etc. If owners haven't trained/can't trust a dog to behave itself then they have no right to expect you to take your DC to their house

Shinypebbler · 27/12/2018 13:20

My dogs won't be anywhere near guests unless the guests want/request the dogs in the same room as them. I love my own dogs but don't expect other people to love them. I don't mind other people's dogs saying hello but unless I was there specifically to see the dog (!), it'd drive me mental to be constantly harassed by them! And yes even though I love dogs, there are people I no longer visit because of their dogs! But that's just me 😉

Strugglingtodomybest · 27/12/2018 13:23

You'd get jumped on and licked to death in my house. Probably sat on too.

Cerseilannisterinthesnow · 27/12/2018 16:18

I’m with you op. I work in district nursing and the amount of badly behaved dogs in houses I visit is unreal.

I’m not a dog lover anyway, I wouldn’t harm or wish harm in one but I wouldn’t have one. I go into patients houses to do visits and the dogs jump up at me covered In mud, try to lick me and when I’m actually trying to work either taking bloods or seeing to people’s wounds or legs the dog is right through my sterile field or is rifling through my stuff or worse still jumping up my back! I’ve even had them take stuff!

I do ask for them to be put out of the way when I arrive and most are obliging but a lot are horrified that I would even ask and can’t understand why I won’t play with their fur baby. I’m not there for that I haven’t got time for that and apart from that I have other patients to see now covered in manky stains!

I even had a colleague go into a house and was busy working away on someone’s leg and the dog peed on her Angry not acceptable

Teseri · 27/12/2018 17:37

Barked at first but no jumping or biting of people/items allowed, you would get slobber on you even if they're on the other side of the room as I've got St Bernard's and the slobbering never stops and gets everywhere 😐

MepsiPax · 27/12/2018 17:47

ADastardlyThing Grin That made me laugh! Personally,I love
visiting people who have dogs as I positively enjoy being leaned on,my feet or lap being sat on and the general adoration that dogs give you. I am a cat owner,and although cats will always be my number one,it is nice to be worshipped and adored in small doses! I couldn't deal with it full time,I will readily admit.

FluffyAnimalsRule · 27/12/2018 17:50

They would bark when you arrive, but unless someone has requested that let them loose we keep them in the dog area (big baby playpen with access to the outside through a cat flap) when we have visitors.

Ragwort · 27/12/2018 17:57

I find it very awkward when people say ‘you don’t mind dogs do you?’, it is quite difficult to admit that I really don’t like dogs and feel very uncomfortable around them.

If I know someone has a dog I wouldn’t visit them at home but invite them to my home or meet in a neutral place. I belong to a book club where a few of my friends have dogs and they always keep the dogs In another room if we meet at their house (I would always make it clear that I am very happy to host every meeting as I know I am the awkward one but this arrangement seems to work).

But it helps that I am confident and feel able to discuss my feelings before I visit. If someone takes offence then I just accept that we can’t meet.

ltk · 27/12/2018 18:02

I love dogs, but my ILs had an untrained nightmare dog a while back. He once gave me the vapid "It's their house, not yours" speech, and I told him that more to the point it was HIS house, and I was his guest, and he needed to think about how guests should be treated. Never had the dog jump on me or the dc again, thank goodness.

SleightOfMind · 27/12/2018 18:09

You’d get tail wags and be sniffed when you arrive then it really depends on you.
If you like dogs and want to fuss them or play with them, they’ll lap it up.
If you ignore them, they’ll go and find something more interesting.

If we know you’re not keen on dogs, we’ll tell them to ‘leave’ and they’ll stay on their beds while you’re here.

I love dogs but wouldn’t want one jumping around me with a new baby.

MissWilmottsGhost · 27/12/2018 18:11

DDog would bark from arrival until you are seated, then she would lick if you let her.

Both are discouraged, but I have been discouraging them for 14 years and she still does it. Guests who go "oh no I dont mind a few kisses" and then let her slobber all over them don't help with that Confused

PILs let their dog jump up and that really pisses me off. And it hurts. They think it's cute Hmm

I can quite understand your concerns when bringing a young baby. A dog that jumps, barks and licks isn't very pleasant.

SleightOfMind · 27/12/2018 18:15

I’ve got four DC and my dogs are used to babies and young children but a newborn cry can sound like a prey animal in distress and overexcited some dogs.

If they’re not fully under control something dreadful could easily occur.
Your relatives are being silly. It’s very sensible of you to take precautions with a new baby.

PrivateVasquez · 27/12/2018 18:15

I think you're right not to take a baby to their house. Clearly their dogs aren't well-trained / under good control, which is a risk around an infant.

FWIW, my dog goes outside when we have visitors.

SmokeGetsInYourEye · 27/12/2018 18:15

Our dog would sniff and if he got to know you well, he’d welcome you with a jump up, a play growl and he’d bring his ball to show you. BUT if you found that unpleasant and I can understand why you would, we’d control him - most people love the welcome he gives them, even my friend who hates all dogs - after that he would leave you alone. Babies would not interest him at all. And we’d be happy to meet without the dog.

SleightOfMind · 27/12/2018 18:16

Overexcite

Shinypebbler · 27/12/2018 18:21

As an owner of 5 dogs myself, my God, I would never ever ask "do you mind dogs?"!! I just assume someone does unless they say otherwise!! I feel very sorry for those of you who, through your work, have to endure people's dogs, jumping on/peeing on/harassing you etc!! Not what you signed up for!

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 27/12/2018 18:24

In my home they would bark when you rang the doorbell, but be really friendly to you once you had entered the house. The little one would want to sit cuddled up next to you and would nudge you with her nose until you stroked her and the big lad would watch you from his bed but not bother you again (he's a collie and is gentle, but watchful of his flock).

If you were only visiting for an hour I would put them away if you didn't want them near you but if you came for longer I would have to let them out again - it's their home.