How to ask MIL to go home on Saturday?

[BloomsButtons]

MIL has been with us since Saturday. As far as DH and I knew she was coming for a week but apparently she's told our DC and my Mum that's she's here until after new year.

I need some time these holidays to chill out and DC 3&4 want to go and visit DC1 this weekend and he lives near MIL. How can I politely tell her that DH is taking DC to visit other DC and so he'll take her home at the time?

I know this doesn't seem all that hard but DH won't say anything so I'll have to do it but I don't want to cause major offence.

DC 3&4 are 14 & 12 year olds. DC1 is 24.

And your dh needs to put his big boy pants on and fucking deal with this or know that his mother won’t be invited again under any circumstances

I would go ahead with your plans on Saturday lots of talk about, right dh will be aiming to leave here about 11 so will you need any extra bag to carry to your gifts. Shall I pack you a lunch for your journey home on Saturday ? Will you be wanting to see ds1 on Saturday when dh drops you back.

If she says that won't work or dh won't want to be doing that. Ask her how she is planning on getting home on Saturday

I'm actually getting angry now. Who the hell does this to people? Talk about overstaying her welcome! Then again she's always taken some sadistic joy in making sure her stay is as annoying for me as possible.

Big girl pants are going on and we will get this sorted

if your DH is too spineless to approach her alone, then the 2 of you need to say "about Saturday, what timings are we going for?"

if she acts confused, then tell her Saturday was agreed.

your DH really needs to grow some flaps though.

Once that's done I'm going to spend the evening at my Mums. She's working so her house is empty and blissfully quiet.

Fluffyears - my MIL away invited to us for Christmas but she invited herself for NY instead no arrival date maybe Boxing Day maybe this Saturday and no departure date either. I think 2-3 days is more than long enough for a visit but I think this could end up being 7-10 days.

I’m not impressed with your DH - it’s his mother and he needs to tell her that because the original plans were that she was staying a week, that you and DH have made plans around that. Staying longer than that would complicate things. She is the rude one for assuming she was staying for longer.
If she says she is staying til after new year, your DH needs to reply that he wasn’t made aware of that (because you weren’t aware)
You are right - big girl pants are needed, but more so for your DH.
Good luck!

She doesn't give a fuck about you. So just be firm. No need for excuses, they never work with CFers. 'You are going on Saturday.' 'I don't think DH would want that.' 'He does. So you're going on Saturday. We need time to ourselves on the holiday.' The end. She guilt trips, you just turn it back on her, 'Guilt trips are for teenagers.' 'I don't feel welcome.' 'And I don't appreciate complete disregard for agreements we make.'

OP, you need to also have a word with your spineless husband! It's his mother, fgs! He is an enabler to her behaviour. This would really get on my nerves.

Tell her you are going somewhere else on Sat?

I cannot believe you're letting her do this to you?

I said that he would rather do that than have the boys travel all that way alone on the bus. She said 'I don't think so'. What come back is there to that?!

"Come on MIL, do you really think so little of your son? Of course he wants to drive the boys and you and make sure you all get there safely! Otherwise you'll all be on the bus and that wouldn't be much fun for any of you."

As the mother of two sons I hope that if they wanted me to go home they would have the balls to tell me and not rely on their partners. No wonder there are DIL and MIL problems when you have weak men like this that can’t even ask their mother when she is going home. Amazing.

Go now and get it over with! Hand her a big sherry, and tell her you and DH are looking forward to a bit of alone time and you're planning a romantic dinner for two on Saturday night.

Your DH needs to grow a pair and tell her, make it clear, no ifs buts or excuses.

Having someone for a week is more than hospitable enough

I had a MIL like this, and IME these things are very often a power play; secure in the knowledge that their little boys will come to heel, they enjoy putting the less biddable DIL in her place with "DS won't like that", "I don't think so" and all the rest

By all means try "I've spoken to DH and he agrees", but be prepared for her to run to him and change his mind, certainly with guilt and maybe even tears

The problem here is indeed your DH, so personally I'd make it clear I expected him to grow a pair ... like now

Oh goodness me she's being a cheeky fucker. A week is a long time to host someone as it, and it sounds like she hasn't even discussed staying longer with you, just sort of presumed she can.

Sorry, I'd be angry at Dh. It doesn't have to be confrontational, just a simple outline of the arrangements. She won't hear it from you so he needs to be firm.

She's your husbands mother, you said this on page one.
He needs to grow a back bone, it can't be very attractive for you.

She sounds just like my MIL. Bitter experience has taught me that she NEVER comes to stay without an exit plan. So I don't agree to her coming unless we know when she is leaving. I stay out of making the arrangements, but put my foot down with my DH years ago. He used to be so spineless with her, and she totally took the piss. So I told him if he ever wanted her to stay in our house he had to make it clear to her when she was leaving. It took a few shouting matches though...

@amazonian27 that would be a nightmare. I need to have plans set in stone lol.

DH has said he would pull the fuse out of the boiler, see how long she stays with the house getting colder and colder...

Have you told her yet OP? Don't let her dictate to you, albeit in a very "mild-mannered" sort of way, how long she gets to stay in your house. What a cheek! Why do people do this when the long term result is they don't get invited any more?!

I’m stunned your DH has escaped criticism!

Tell him if he doesn’t man up and eject his mother from your house, firmly, that you’ll walk in and word for word tell her this:

“Since your son has taken to hiding to avoid the subject, and won’t address it, I’ll have to. When he takes DC to DC1, he’ll be dropping you off on the way. That is non negotiable, and until both of you start treating me with a modicum of respect, this palaver will not be repeated. Lovely.”

You’re staying MIL? Brilliant - I’ve been wanting an audience to watch my rendition of Wagner’s The Ring Cycle (all 15+hours) with the cymbals, naked then!

Your H needs to adult the fuck up.