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Original poster

How to ask MIL to go home on Saturday?

600 replies

BloomsButtons · 26/12/2018 13:59

MIL has been with us since Saturday. As far as DH and I knew she was coming for a week but apparently she's told our DC and my Mum that's she's here until after new year.

I need some time these holidays to chill out and DC 3&4 want to go and visit DC1 this weekend and he lives near MIL. How can I politely tell her that DH is taking DC to visit other DC and so he'll take her home at the time?

I know this doesn't seem all that hard but DH won't say anything so I'll have to do it but I don't want to cause major offence.

DC 3&4 are 14 & 12 year olds. DC1 is 24.

OP posts:
thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 17:11

@flowery I said that he would rather do that than have the boys travel all that way alone on the bus. She said 'I don't think so'. What come back is there to that?!

You both growing a pair and telling her, 'Yes, you are leaving on Saturday,' after you tell your husband to buck the fuck up. I'd be fucking livid with him. But it wouldn't trouble me a jot to just tell her because she's being extremely rude. Or let her wipe her feet all over you and be the doormat. It's your life.

CoraPirbright · 27/12/2018 17:12

She said 'I don't think so

Gah!! She is being purposefully thick skinned!! Your dh needs to man-the-fuck-up and tell her that he does think so!! You are beginning to be tearful and hide in your bedroom - is he really willing to upset you so much in order to avoid conflict with her?

Aaaahfuck · 27/12/2018 17:12

Your husband needs to get a back bone and tell her you said you were leaving on Saturday so we've made plans. Also you need to make sure leaving dates are confirmed next time. This isn't fair on you.

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CherryPavlova · 27/12/2018 17:13

Try an adult to adult conversation.
You “MIL it’s been lovely having you here for Christmas. The week seems to have gone so quickly. I’m pretty tired though and we need some time to just relax with each other before term starts again. Fred will be able to drop you home on Saturday”.
MIL”Oh I thought I might stay a bit longer”.
You “I know but we really need time to get sorted before term starts so Fred will drop you back on Saturday. Let’s see when we can see you next? The children have so loved seeing you”.

BubonicWoman · 27/12/2018 17:14

Don't ask
Tell her that your H is taking the boys on Saturday so she can go with them and you will be out for the day
H can't make 2 journeys so it suits him
Get firm

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/12/2018 17:14

I's be telling her I'm looking forward to being able to walk naked along (you can add a wink) and so is her son (twinkly laugh)!

Meercat2 · 27/12/2018 17:16

OP I could have written your post word for word! My MI L came on Saturday before Christmas just like yours. I asked today when she was planning to go back and was met with a 'I've got an open return train ticket'.

CoraPirbright · 27/12/2018 17:16

you said you were leaving on Saturday so we've made plans

Aaaahfuck makes an excellent wording suggestion here ^

Fluffyears · 27/12/2018 17:17

Just tell her ‘he’s fine with it and that’s what will be happening’ she has no day in this, DH’s mother or not it’s your home.

Missingstreetlife · 27/12/2018 17:18

Ask her what the problem is. If she wants to stay longer in your area she must book a hotel.
Can one of the bil speak to her or come and get her. Seems theyblive nearer and will deal with it if there's a reason she doesn't want to go home with dh.
You just have to be rude, not aggressive but blunt. We agreed a week, I have plans, you need to go.

GinIsIn · 27/12/2018 17:18

Look this really isn’t your problem - your DH needs to tell her she’s got to go.

Blatherskite · 27/12/2018 17:19

Go back to her. Say "I have discussed it with DH and he's happy to take you back on Saturday. You'll be leaving around 11".

Any more rebuttals that she doesn't think so and you just shrug and reiterate that you've asked him and that's what's happening.

Seaweed42 · 27/12/2018 17:20

So if your DH takes the 2 kids to your DC1, why don't you plan to leave the house so she'll be sat in your house on her own.
That might drive the truth home if the actual requests to her to leave aren't sinking in.

HeebieJeebies456 · 27/12/2018 17:20

I actually feel tearful with frustration at all of this. Telling her outright that she's going seems so rude
Is it not also rude of her to overstay her welcome and ignore your blatant hints?

Just tell her straight and fuck anyone who gets upset about it. Stop being a martyr and a doormat!
Or just take the key to her house and spend a few days there, see how quickly she moves her arse then!

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 17:22

Don't make up excuses, they never work with entitled CFers. They come back with 'Oh, go ahead and go out then, I'll be fine here.' The only way to deal with them is to serve them back with the same leather as their neck, just be firm. 'I've got an open-ended train ticket.' 'Grand! Check the schedule for Saturday then and we'll give you a lift to the station for whichever train you'd like on Saturday.'

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 17:23

What Heebie said. She doesn't give a fuck that you're tearful with frustration about her going back on the agreed plans, only about getting her way at the expense of your holiday. You either tell her she's going or continue being a doormat.

winecigsandchoc · 27/12/2018 17:25

In terms of "how do I respond to that"- I've found that big innocent bambi eyed shrugging and saying " I know right? But that's the plan!" Then walking off goes a long way

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2018 17:25

Set off the fire alarm?

Seriously, your husband needs to follow through on this. That is what has been agreed. He needs to realise that if it's so difficult to get her out of the house when she visits then she won't be welcome to stay again. You can't go through this rigmarole every time.

He needs to say, "Mum, we're leaving at x-o'clock on Saturday so that we're not in a rush and have time for breakfast before we go. Kids will be raring to get to their brothers and I want to avoid the traffic. I'll bring your case down on Saturday morning and put it in the car.".

Nothing open-ended or up for discussion. I know it's difficult though when you have a limpet in-law.

cstaff · 27/12/2018 17:26

.

Twisique · 27/12/2018 17:29

Well, how are you planning on getting home on Saturday then? You do know we have Sheryl and Gary arriving and need your bed.

Fluffyears · 27/12/2018 17:29

‘I don’t think so’
‘Really well that’s what is hsppening’ Big smile walk away.

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 17:29

She'll bitch about you to your h and your kids as he takes her back and he's a total dickhead for allowing it.

WellBHoise · 27/12/2018 17:30

Your DH absolutely needs to be the one to tell her so you’re not the evil DIL

DeaflySilence · 27/12/2018 17:33

"I said that he would rather do that than have the boys travel all that way alone on the bus. She said 'I don't think so'."

Chat with your husband first, then tell MIL -

"I've spoken to DH and of course he doesn't mind driving the boys to DC1, when he'd taking you home on Saturday. Unless you prefer to get the bus, do you?"

MadameButterface · 27/12/2018 17:34

“I don’t think so”
“Oh but that’s what we arranged wasn’t it, you said you were coming saturday to saturday, he’ll take you back because we’ve got some jobs to do before school goes back”

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