How to ask MIL to go home on Saturday?

[BloomsButtons]

MIL has been with us since Saturday. As far as DH and I knew she was coming for a week but apparently she's told our DC and my Mum that's she's here until after new year.

I need some time these holidays to chill out and DC 3&4 want to go and visit DC1 this weekend and he lives near MIL. How can I politely tell her that DH is taking DC to visit other DC and so he'll take her home at the time?

I know this doesn't seem all that hard but DH won't say anything so I'll have to do it but I don't want to cause major offence.

DC 3&4 are 14 & 12 year olds. DC1 is 24.

I sincerely doubt any of them were thinking about what you would have 'wanted' to do, merely what they thought you would do.

BloomsButtons I've just read this thread in one go and all the way through I've been thinking "A mil is for life, not just for Christmas"

I'm living the high life today. DH out with his mates, so I'm all alone with the pets trying to get the shortcake mountain reduced.

Yeah, he wanted you there as a buffer. Fuck that. Stop enabling him when it comes to her, as you just have, and you'll see a change.

I suggest you back off more and let him take over the entertaining of his mother. I predict shorter visits if you do this

toldmywrath you trooper, you

OP he REALLY doesn't like it when you're not there to run interference, does he? Any idea why? I mean, entertaining as it is in the short term, it does indicate a rather sad state of affairs in their relationship.

toldmywrath you are selfless!

So MIL has just been with you all for too long a week, husband is taking her home, kids going to see their brother.

Why would you be going even if there was room in the car?

I think I'd definitely be trying to find out what his thinking is. His DM was actually right in thinking he didn't want her to go home. Definitely something going on...

I just asked my DH what would happen if MiL asked to live with us, he coughed and said he'd leave me to deal with it.

@diddl That's because he can't even cope with his own mum for a day without backup from the OP never mind a week or more if she had her own way. This might bring him around to your way of thinking OP. We can but hope!!

I would love to be a fly on the wall in the car.Maybe the return journey on the same day will be a better option.

Yes I think he may find he can cope with the return journey on the same day in future.

Maybe you need to be clearer about what you want to do. The whole family hasn't realised that you might appreciate a rest after organising and hosting.

It would be ok to tell them this. Then they might cooperate more.

'It's been lovely having everyone over Christmas but now I need a day or two to relax doing my own things before going back to work'.

Surely going without you given MIL and DH the "alone" time with each other that they desperately need

Did you manage to hold in the laughter when he said aren’t you coming?

Hope he enjoys the night at his mums and you enjoy your peace and quiet.

Order yourself the best takeaway treat you want and watch the most indulgent telly just for you.

Enjoy ❤️

I really don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to go on a 6-hour (?) round trip rather than have 24hours to yourself.

DH is staying with his mum tonight, that should be fun

Oh fantastic - he'll get a really thorough experience of being the brunt of all her attention

You really have SO done the right thing, OP; carry on like this and you'll probably find the visits getting fewer and shorter. Enjoy your lovely peaceful evening in the meantime ... I'd have cracked a bottle of something nice by now!!

He thought you were going to squish into the car for 200 miles? That’s at least a four hour journey.

I bet he was planning to wriggle out of it and let you go by yourself. I’m so glad you didn’t go!

Am chuckling to myself at the thought of him being stuck with her. I bet you are too.

Oh OP I hope you have the most wonderful night of peace and relaxation!

Sounds like DH really didn't want to take her home and was expecting you to take her back. So she was right!

Does MIL generally decide with everyone else her plans for you? Without discussing with you? Maybe that is why everyone was surprised that you weren't going.

If you have just got them to agree that MIL is going home to her place, why on earth would you want to sit in a car with her for several hours then stay over at her place?
Same shit, different location!

‘Darling that worked out well in the end, the boys got driven to their brothers and you got the extra time with your mum that you wanted,next time maybe we should just arrange the boys to visit for a few days and you stay with your mum then.’

I hope you stood at the door and waved them off op!!

I hope he doesn't reappear with her still in the car tomorrow.