House guests moan (lighthearted)

[CoperCabana]

Why would you put dirty stuff / cut veg into clean drainer

Why woukd you let your dogs lick the dishes

Why would you sit on your arse all day and complain but do fuck all to help

And breathe...

If you want to come and stay with us don’t just invite yourself for an extended period of time assuming you are welcome expecting DH to drop everything and drive 2.5 hours there and 2.5 hours back just to pick you up. As your other so who lives an hour away does on his way home from work which is close to where you live. Phone in advance say you would like to come and stay around x dates to y dates and would this be convenient give them time to respond don’t expect an answer immediately and listen to the hosts response don’t just assume it’s your son so you are always welcome for as long as you want and he will take annual leave to spend time with you. He has a wife and children and they matter and have a life too. Especially as DD is being turfed out of her bedroom and having to sleep downstairs to accommodate you. Also if we are watching something on TV during your visit don’t say it’s a load of tripe. If you plan to arrive at 1pm assume your hosts will be waiting to have lunch with you so don’t stuff your face on the train and say your not hungry making them feel awkward or let them know you will be eating several sandwiches and snacks on the train so they have time to make and eat an early lunch etc. If you are expecting to stay for more than two days you could offer to help around the home, don’t lay in bed late reading and moan you heard the hoover, washing machine or shower etc. Don’t stay up until the minute your darling son goes to bed he might want to spend half an hour chatting to his wife before going to bed or his wife may want some down time with her husband. Offer to baby/kid sit during your visit (in advance not at 7.45pm on the night you intend to babysit as there is a fair chance the wife won’t feel in the mood to get ready and will be a bit late you mentioning this so late in the day after spending the day tiptoeing around you catering to your every need).

@Amazonian27 I could have written parts of your post. Particularly the extended stay period and the staying up till DH goes to bed. MIL would rather sleep on the sofa for 2hours next to us than go to bed before DH. Drives me batshit. We have a 4 seater sofa and an armchair, at the very least snooze in the armchair so we can all stretch out a bit rather than sitting bolt upright.

"MIL why don't you head to bed"
"No I'm alright I'm watching, just closed my eyes"
20mins later and snoring
"Mum why don't you go to bed"
"No I'm ok"

Our bedtime just got earlier most nights and we watched stuff in bed together. 30 year olds going to bed at 8.30pm

God I almost forgot snoozing on the sofa if we spoke she sometimes suddenly woke up and joined in, I felt we had to be quiet, occasionally she came to and asked what was that tripe on tv. I kept suggesting why don’t you go to bed if your tired as she napped on the sofa at all times of the day from mid morning to late evening but she wouldn’t hear of it.

head
We had something similar. 😦

"So the other day I was walking to the village hall and saw Julie. You know Julie from the allotments?"
"No but it's ok"
"Yes you do! You know Julie! Julie from the allotments who also does the WI?"
"No. But as you were saying..."
"Oh you do know Julie. You know she's lovely. She is Martin's wife. You know Martin from the Butchers?"
"I don't know these people but it doesn't matter, you were telling a story..."
"Yes Julie and Martin who we spoke to in the shop when you last visited. She has grey hair with little pink flashes. They're very alternative"
"No."

... 10 minutes of relative trying to explain who Julie and Martin are and how DH and I had definitely met them and they couldn't believe we'd forgotten them from a visit 3 years ago.

When we finally got to the story the identity of Julie and Martin was irrelevant. It could have easily been 'so a friend of mine was saying...'

It's been a week and you haven't showered, it's summer, and you're not using the sheets provided for the couch so swearing directly on the fabric/cushions. (ILs)

sweating*!

We are DM free

She will be with DB in about 20 minutes, having declared this morning she has nothing to get back to until her doctor's appointment on the 9th !!!!
Wonder when she'll mention this to DB and Fail 😂😂😂😂

Fail = SIL

Just do something....

Iv cooked and cleaned for 3 days
Ffs. Annoys me that noone ever helps or contributes anything.

My "adult" brother never brings presents, has never got any money, fare enough, but always accepts presents from everyone, ofcoyrse you dont give to recieve BUT hecomes Xmas Eve till the 27th, never brings anything but always has atleast 2 big bottles of Whisky and fags then will go to the shop for more drink and fags but cant afford presents. Waster!

Omg the non showerers WHY WHAT IS THIS

"Do you remember that white carrot you got served in France when S was a baby?"
"No"
"Yes you do.It was white and you said you couldn't belive it was a carrot?"

Perhaps it was a . . . . . PARSNIP!

DBIL has gone home. DS1 has gone home and back to work. DS2 is at work. DH has gone to a rugby match.

I'M HOME ALONE!

Bliss.

BIWI that was me yesterday. All guests left and DH went to work. I cleaned and packed everything away. And sat in glorious silence for 30mins.
Dh is home today. But he's in the kitchen making bread whilst the dogs and i sprawl out on the sofa watching TV. I'll let him stay around...

@Headinthedrawer oh FFS I feel your pain! Except ours was a conversation about asparagus which you just don't get in Ireland.

Yes you do.

Nope. It's not something we have in Ireland.

I can categorically tell you that you f*ckibg do.

And repeat for approx 2hours..........

Hmmm my bil didn't shower once in 7 days. Even though we installed a shower in the bathroom for this very scenario. We even kicked the dc out of there to use our en suite so he'd have his own bathroom. Argghhh!!!!!! Stinker!

Why do you go in the bathroom for over an hour every single morning meaning no one else can use it; have the shower running for over 45 minutes (using up all the hot water) and leave huge volumes of hair plastered all over the shower and clogging up the plug hole and laugh when someone suggests clearing it out yourself. Seriously, what are you DOING in there that takes that long.....??! And why do you go in to said bathroom half an hour before we are due to go out (every single day) claiming you'll be ready in time when everyone knows you are in there for an hour except you. Yet you do it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY 😡😡😡😡😡. The other 7 people are sat waiting by the front door and you have the balls to laugh....

'Where's my cup?'

'What cup?'

'My cup - the one I always use?'

'Which one is it?'

'The one with the pattern!'

All of the cups in my cupboard have a pattern. The cups are nearly identical and the cup she was given is perfectly fine to use. And yet - it isn't. I'm not sure which cup she is hankering after but she can use the bloody one she's been given or not have a drink. Her choice!

'Please don't use those glasses. They are very delicate and too easily broken' (very expensive antique glasses which are dusty from not being used). She moves away but we believe ignores me and later on gets one - goes to clean it then probably bangs it; we later discover it chipped and cracked by the sink.

'We are not using those plates, please get out of that cupboard'. She knows which plates we don't use yet has to try and use them - they were a gift from someone else and I don't use them in the vicinity of children (or drunken relatives). It's as if she resents how expensive they were and how much someone spent on them as a present for us. She's determined to get them broken.

@Izzy24 she did actually reset the clock so that's probably the one positive from the whole visit. Although who does that in someone else's house?

@MyShinyWhiteTeeth
I too had a visitor who ferreted around at the back of a cupboard where she had absolutely no need or business to be and retrieved a small fine antique wineglass which has huge sentimental meaning for me. And was then offended when I asked her not to use it!

And the clock was reset an hour earlier than the actual time.....
Just why?

Final visitor should have left today.

But hasn’t........,,

🤨

It feels so good once they've gone and the house is calm again.

There is a (scientifically proven) treatment for arthritis where you are thrashed with nettles. After the pain dies down you feel like the arthritis is not so bad.

It feels like that. Bliss.

Until New Year....

Omg ..... these have just proven why I hate house guests and visitors in general. I don't mind visiting, but hate being a host I'm so pleased my family and friends know me so well

It's got to be a case of pick ypur house guests wisely spoon.

We have friends from university to stay lots and it's brilliant. We all know basic house guests principles and it's awesome.
Equally, my siblings and their partners stay over and that's also nice. People chip in, make themselves at home but without being rude or imposing.

Other relatives are infuriating to have around.

Dear FIL why do you travel 5 hours to visit and then immediately get your laptop or a book out and ignore us for hours?

Also I really do not need to know the ins and outs of the local rail network including what time the blasted last train returns to the depot. FIL has not travelled on the local train, and doesn't intend to in the immediate future- he just like looking these things up on the internet and telling us?!?!

Oh and please tell me you have 'issues with your balance' BEFORE picking up my 6 month old son, falling over and nearly stoving his head in

Dear BIL. We already told you our place is tiny (2up 2 down) and cluttered with kids stuff. Thanks for complaining that the house is “so small and no space to move around”.

Thanks for whinging about the cost of the ONE dinner you offered to pay (total was £90 for 5pax, London prices. He took out £60 and was aghast when the bill came).

Thanks for then not once offering to pay (your share at least!) for the other many meals your brother has paid for.

Thanks for moaning about the ONE time your DN was tired and sleepy and asked to be carried. You are 5x his weight and constantly boasting about how ‘strong’ you are.

Dear PiL, I'd really rather you had a shower or some kind of wash when you visit. We have a combi boiler and won't run out of hot water. I'd much prefer it to wondering how stinky and sweaty my bedlinen is getting after a few days of you not washing.

Also, your grandchildren love you and would like to play with you. Please don't come to visit and then sit on your phones all day. Especially if I'm trying to cook for you and they are killing each other. I know I'm amazing but I can't do absolutely everything on my own.

Oh, and if you don't want to help out that's fine. You're guests and it's ok. But please don't do nothing until the one time I ask DH to do something. It's really bloody irritating that you're happy to watch me doing everything at once but will leap up if your darling son - and I know he's your son, you can call
Him by his name instead of saying Son every two minutes - is asked to do a single bloody thing. He's capable. At least he is now I've trained him to be, since you failed to prepare him domestically.

Finally, would it kill you to complement me/the food/your gifts/the children? Or even just talk to us a bit? Your silence is demoralising and bloody weird frankly. Next time I will confiscate your phones and provide conversation prompt cards.

And breathe.

This thread is like therapy 😄.