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Original poster

House guests moan (lighthearted)

252 replies

CoperCabana · 25/12/2018 23:46

Why would you put dirty stuff / cut veg into clean drainer

Why woukd you let your dogs lick the dishes

Why would you sit on your arse all day and complain but do fuck all to help

And breathe...

OP posts:
certainlymerry · 27/12/2018 23:04

Yes, I know you are all shattered and it's so nice to sit around delivering your orders for tea/coffee/mince pies/cheese on biscuits/more drinks etc, because I don't have to work on Boxing Day. I know it's unfair that I should ask you to even make a cup of tea.

It's lovely to have your boyfriend here for two days when I have only met him once for an hour, and ask him questions constantly when he never asks a single question in response.
No, it's really alright to drive you to the airport at 5am, don't worry about me, as I DON'T HAVE TO WORK ON BOXING DAY. I can just 'sit around all day' can't I ? Not spend the next three days stripping beds, washing, cleaning, and generally trying to recover.

Evennow · 27/12/2018 23:07

Having guests is a minefield but so is being a guest. For some hosts not offering to help in the kitchen is wrong. For others, offering to help is wrong. If your help is welcomed you may be criticised for cutting carrots the wrong way, misloading the dishwasher, reading the wrong story to the children etc. If you join in with conversation you say too much or too little. If you get up early you are in the way, if you get up late you are a lazy freeloader. Some hosts are so territorial one wonders why they invite anyone.

Brugmansia · 28/12/2018 00:10

But sometimes the guests who are exasperating to host are similar when you're their guest. For example, my dithery relative who won't leave is the same when we stay with them, so we end up doing everything while there as otherwise nothing would happen and we wouldn't eat.

Anothermothersusername · 28/12/2018 00:20

Why do you put hot cups of tea directly onto my new wooden dining table when there is a coaster? I know for a fact you wouldn’t do that to your own table! Oh and please don’t put your navy flannel into my white wash (you’ve ruined at least two of my dd’s tops)

ZenNudist · 28/12/2018 00:48

They have gone home! Yay. I reckon my awful guest story would win the prize (its on a different thread)

House is in better shape, have dented but not defeated the laundry mountain and sat and watched a film with Baileys coffee. I suspect 'd'bro of losing my firestick remote. Bah!

Tomorrow the 2 hour drive to in laws...

ladybirdsaredotty · 28/12/2018 01:00

Love this thread.

My complaints are mainly too outing but here are some that aren't...DDad, watching me cook whilst getting in the way, then asking as I'm just finishing serving up if there's anything you can do to help is actually laughable, although it pissed me off when I was also juggling a newborn!

DMum, offering to help and then instantly listing everything you can't do, whilst offering nothing you CAN do, confuses me every time.

Just both go and sit down like you used to, I think it was less irritating Hmm

boydoggies · 28/12/2018 01:07

How do you get through a whole toilet roll every single day of your stay? Why are you whining that the kids are noisily playing with their new toys, it's CHRISTMAS MORNING! Why do you have to storm off? Why do you repeatedly offer to help, then reply that no, you can't do that (such as cut sandwiches)? Yay, the guests have gone!

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 28/12/2018 01:19

Aaaaànd this is why I stay in a hotel.....

Although I want the poster whose guest wanted spare food to come back and explain that one.

MrsOllyChristmurs · 28/12/2018 02:27

When I've just offered you Christmas pudding with cream, brandy cream or custard do not ask if we have any ice cream! I fear my 'no!' might have been somewhat harsh.

girdingmyloins · 28/12/2018 02:32

Don’t say you are coming “to help” with our three young DC for Christmas, then sit there and do absolutely fucking nothing except expect to be waited on, then complain when your lunch is late because the baby’s nappy had to be changed and the 2 year old had a meltdown.

Why do you chain smoke for 5 hours a day then spend 2.5 hours in our ONE bathroom, first of all covering yourself in highly scented body lotion and make up and then spraying yourself with perfume so that dd runs away from you trying to grab her and plant a giant red lipstick stain on her face? Then complain that our children are not polite and loving? (Because you’ve gone from NEVER interacting with them to suddenly wanting them in your lap with their arms around you for show...)

Arbies22220 · 28/12/2018 02:38

Why on earth do you think I want to hear about the illnesses and deaths of people i've never met?

And why say things that are manifestly not true? "Oh look the baby is laughing!" - no she isn't - I can see her.

Stop loudly pottering about my house when I am putting the kids to bed. What on earth are you even doing?

Don't move my stuff! Even if you think you have a better place for it. Especially my glasses! Ffs! Why?!

Gah!!!

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 28/12/2018 03:37

I don't mind at all that you've somehow not seen all the bottles of drinks on the drinks tray with the glasses and instead found and opened and drank most of the very special bottle we'd put aside out-of-sight in a low cupboard for the anniversary.

Please go ahead and close all the windows in the kitchen then promptly walk back into the other room - the heat is only making me slightly dizzy - I'm sure I'll be fine.

I'm absolutely delighted you've asked me to be your official handbag and shoe monitor. It's no trouble at all to search all the places you've been to find where you put them. It's not like I have a 101 other things to do - oh wait, actually 1 more won't make any difference.

Of course everyone finds your restricted diet very interesting. Your exaggerated facial expressions of disgust, distaste and repugnance really enlightened everyone at the dinner table - though most adults will just only serve themselves the food they like. Amazingly enough most of my guests enjoy a varied diet so it was only you with the problem. It was a shame you were unable to gather fellow supporters. I don't imagine many people are looking forward to your catering next year.

It's not so hard - too warm at night then open a window, remove a blanket. Too cold at night then grab one or more of the extra blankets I put on the side. Don't fucking touch my thermostat as no one wants to wake up in a tropical greenhouse. Please put on a cardigan - borrow a throw. Leave the thermostat alone. Higher than 24 is not comfortable. Leave the thermostat alone. Put some fucking clothes on. I'm not surprised you feel cold with your chest all out on display. Stop touching my thermostat.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 07:09

Why on earth do you think I want to hear about the illnesses and deaths of people i've never met?

I hear ya sister! If one more tale starts with 'Sheila's having terrible troubles with her stoma', I will not be responsible for my actions. I've never met fucking Sheila or her stoma.

wombatron · 28/12/2018 07:37

Please, PLEASE stop thinking that rinsing cups and spoons under a tap with no soap is washing them. I've had to go back through my cupboards to find the tea stained ones that didn't make it to the dishwasher.

Speaking of the dishwasher.... you walk past it to get to the sink... please put your dirty dishes in it. Not above it, not next to it, not in the sink.

Also, this house is not cold. It's nearly 22degrees. I'm not turning up the temperature to 24 for 1 of the 9 people here who didn't bring a jumper.

EastMidsGPs · 28/12/2018 07:42

DM's train to my DB's leaves at 9.30am. Station is 5 minutes away. Would it be so wrong to convince her that you need to arrive at least an hour before? ... you know like airports 👿👿😀

Somersetlady · 28/12/2018 07:46

We’ve had DV with 2 and 4 to since Saturday so Christmas was officially cancelled. But thank you for this thread it has made me smile when I have cabin fever.

I none stop cleaning and washing from DCs being sick doesn’t sound too bad compared to some of your visitors!!!

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 28/12/2018 08:40

Link please Zen

Cakemonger · 28/12/2018 08:40

Why on earth do you think I want to hear about the illnesses and deaths of people i've never met?

Indeed.

They say small minds discuss people, large minds discuss ideas..

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 28/12/2018 08:42

I want the poster whose guest wanted spare food to come back and explain that one.

Me, too Gleep.

It is a mystery at least on the level of the Marie Celeste.

wombatron · 28/12/2018 08:52

@EastMidsGPs she must be almost ready to go by now. Mind she doesn't miss her train Grin

MaisyPops · 28/12/2018 08:53

Why would you turn up later than arranged and leave early only to spend ages after making a huge deal about how nice it would have been to see everyone more?

Izzy24 · 28/12/2018 09:15

@MyShinyWhiteTeeth

Not only have I had thermostat wars here, someone has reset the clock- not an easy thing to do as it’s quite a complicated timer.

Again- just put some clothes on!

KindleAndCake · 28/12/2018 09:19

My guests have just gone SmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmile

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 28/12/2018 09:20

I know your short term memory is going. I know your upbringing was in rural poverty. I know you only saw white people until you were well past 40, and that the Daily Fail poisoned your mind for 60 years. You're cheerful and helpful most of the time.

But once, just once, I'd like five minutes without racist bollocks or being asked where your bedroom is.

Headinthedrawer · 28/12/2018 09:28

My in laws had a 25 minute discussion about a white carrot FIL once got served in France 25 years ago.
"Do you remember that white carrot you got served in France when S was a baby?"
"No"
"Yes you do.It was white and you said you couldn't belive it was a carrot?"
"No.Where was I?"
"France.You said you couldn't belive it was a carrot?"
"Really.I don't remember that.Who were we with?" FOR 25 MINUTES.
ARG!!Who gives a shit???Why are you both talking about this????
I could write the whole conversation but I'd just be boring the feck out of mumsnet as well.