House guests moan (lighthearted)

[CoperCabana]

Why would you put dirty stuff / cut veg into clean drainer

Why woukd you let your dogs lick the dishes

Why would you sit on your arse all day and complain but do fuck all to help

And breathe...

Why do you talk loudly and negatively about social housing when you are well aware the couple sitting opposite you (who have worked hard all their lives, just like you) live in social housing and you must realise it is very rude, especially after I asked you to stop.

Please don’t stand in the doorway of the lounge, half in half out, door wide open, watching tv, while a bloody draft whooshes in. Come in and close the door or go out and close it behind you.

And we know you wake early and like your morning cuppa, but don’t wait, tongue hanging out, until your hosts wake some time later and make it for you. You’ve been visiting us for 30 years, so you know how to make a cuppa in our kitchen by now!

Why for the love of all things good turn up 45mins before I’m about to dish up and stand there in the way and looking gormless whilst I rush around- and why then ask me if you can ‘borrow’ my turkey to feed your family because you forgot it

Whilst we’re on it, no I don’t have spare veg, no I can’t whip you up some of my Yorkshire puds to take with you, yes I do plan on using the last of my gravy and no, there are no ‘extra’ roast spuds in there that you can pinch for your gathering of 8!! What exactly did you buy for your Christmas dinner!?

@ellendegeneres WHAT?!

Was this a neighbour?!

And no, I don’t want to watch bloody horse racing on Boxing Day.

And please can you make your dogs shut up.

And DH, please don’t revert to being like your father and gang up on me together.

And if I have to tell you one more time where the plates are, I think I might kill you.

Love this thread.

I don't mind hosting 16 people for Sunday lunch and then having one of them show up empty handed, wandering into the kitchen to warble "oh, something's burning" as I'm dealing with a roast potato crisis. Don't mind at all. Bastards.

Wish there was a like button!

It really, really isn't rude to make yourself a drink in a house that you've been visiting regularly for years. Taking a handful of water at the kitchen sink when there's a cupboard full of glasses right there is weird.
Ditto having a bath or shower. Hot water isn't rationed, and there's a bathroom there for your sole use. When you're here for a few nights, we'd prefer it if you did...

Trying to be 'no bother' aggravates me more than guests being self-sufficient and normal.

Don't you ever stop talking and more specifically, don't you ever stop talking about yourself?

This thread is so cathartic!
Why are you standing right next to me the whole time I cook dinner?
When would you have got up if I hadn't brought tea in at 11?
The non-sequiturs and random comments are 😂 tho.

I love that you turn up for three days, expecting to be cooked for and have all your drinks provided. Champagne is really cheap these days after all! Oh, and when we go out for lunch twice, it really doesn't bother me that you never offer to buy a drink never mind pay for the meal. 😑

STOP SINGING

I know you have a nice voice. I just don't want to hear you harmonising and warbling through every song on TV and radio.

Why after I'd been cooking for days and sat down in the evening when I ask if you'd like a drink - you instead asked for a small plate of leftovers from the fridge? And then when I pointed you in direction of the fridge, would you just say no you couldn't be bothered?

ME NEITHER!

How can you drink 15-20 cups of tea a day ?
And yes I do remember that story you told on Saturday,Sunday,Monday and twice yesterday forgive me if I am no longer amused

I love it when you lounge around in your pjs all day - when everyone else is dressed.

'I don't mind' is not an answer to 'Would you like a drink?'

I'm trying not to wince every time you drop into the sofa & it creaks! Please sit down like a normal adult! Lounging afterwards is fine just don't drop down!!

Don't ask if it's ok to borrow the washing machine & then when I say 'Yes of course' direct me to where you have been throwing your clothes in the corner of my spare room!!

Absolutely, under no circumstances offer to make me a drink or offer to help at all - oh no wait you didn't!

Roll on New Year's Day!

I also can't wait till New Years Day!

It's lovely that you talk crap loudly throughout every film /programme and then can't follow the plot!

I love that you haven't showered for 4 days now....

I particularly love the screech 'Moon, Moooooooon, where are you? What are you doing?' every bloody time I dare to leave the room- to shower, Hoover, cook, fill the dishwasher as 'let someone else do it' doesn't work, when there's only you (83 with great mobility issues) and a 6 year old at home.

No I don't know where DP is. He is at work- paramedic. I don't know which hospital/town he is in. Even if you ask many times. No I don't know what time he'll be home. Yes, I know it's no fun waiting for him. (I live with this every shift!) This is my 'D' M btw not MIL!

I really like you leaning on the fridge when I am cooking so I can't get in it and then being passive aggressive about it.

It's amazing that someone keeps opening the window in your room, obviously not you, and making it freezing at night.

Grrrrrrr!

Is matricide a crime????

Guests until New Year's Day?

I'd have gone back to work early for a break.

Yes, mean and judgemental SIL, please keep hovering in the kitchen and taking over jobs when I'm making Boxing Day dinner, even after I've hinted and then ASKED you to leave me alone to do it myself. JUST FUCK OFFFFFFF!!!

Why would you spend two whole days at the shops rather than some time with your grown up DS who you bother to visit once a year.

Why would you practically shout at your cancer ridden DIL for 'doing too much' whilst exclaiming that it's her own fault she has a cold because she won't rest during chemo and yet refuse to like a finger to help her prep dinner because you have to go pay your fucking M&S bill online so it's not late even though it's not due for another week.

Why would you not realise that said knackered, cold filled, mid chemo treatment DIL isn't being antisocial when going to bed at 8.30pm but JUST REALISE ITS BECAUSE SHE'S fucking broken from working/hosting and sorting Christmas. FFS

Thanks Op I needed that

@keepcalm

@CoperCabana thank you! Ironically it's no different every single year. It's just this year an expected to smile and nod at all their bloody exclamations that I'm doing too much and I should be worried about my health whilst they continue to do FUCK ALL.

Actually to be fair they watched DCs whilst DH and I went to a wedding and my clever clever puppies managed to have the shits that day

The guest who seemed to rather oddly spend quite a lot of time each night walking round and round the spare bedroom. 1am, 3am, 5am and then noisily getting up at 6am. It's a small loft room right above our bedroom. It was like living with a small herd of elephants just above our heads.
Now the guest has gone home DH has kindly offered to walk around the loft room at random intervals during the night so that I don't miss this new night time experience. 😂