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Original poster

House guests moan (lighthearted)

252 replies

CoperCabana · 25/12/2018 23:46

Why would you put dirty stuff / cut veg into clean drainer

Why woukd you let your dogs lick the dishes

Why would you sit on your arse all day and complain but do fuck all to help

And breathe...

OP posts:
MillicentBeauchamp · 27/12/2018 10:29

Why would you refuse an extra duvet when you "shivered all night" grrrrrr

MillicentBeauchamp · 27/12/2018 10:31

Similarly - don't say "not much for me" in a martyr voice AFTER I have put food on the plate

Nellabella · 27/12/2018 10:38

Your own house is immaculate so why are you feeding your dog in my living room, asking if it's ok to feed him leftovers on my NEW plates and then putting the dog bowl on my Lakeland electric dryer? Why?

SackOfSprouts · 27/12/2018 10:40

Thankfully we went away for Christmas this year, just me DH & DC, so none of this to contend with.

Reminds me of my childhood, though, and one uncle who used to turn up on Christmas Eve empty handed and stay until somewhere well in to January, when my mum would finally lose patience with him lying on our sofa dropping fag ash everywhere and eating us out of house and home.

ChodeofChodeHall · 27/12/2018 10:51

WILL you blow your FUCKING nose!!!

Every time he sniffs - very wetly - he does so TWICE - once for each nostril! I made sure there is a box of tissues right beside him at all times but still he sniffs!!!

Angry
KindleAndCake · 27/12/2018 10:54

Why, when you've been here a week already, won't you tell us when you plan to leave?
I can't plan anything as it's rude to just carry on as normal. Playing it by ear does not work for me. You invited yourself over and now won't fucking leave!!!!!

ginghamstarfish · 27/12/2018 11:04

I'm so glad we don't have a guest room!

KindleAndCake · 27/12/2018 11:14

Why when watch a tv programme you want to watch, we respectfully watch it with you, but when there's something I want to watch, you decide to have a conversation with DH so I can't hear or watch it.

KindleAndCake · 27/12/2018 11:15

Why when I asked you if you wanted some more food did you just look at me then looked back at the telly. Seriously fucking rude.
Go home!!!!!

KindleAndCake · 27/12/2018 11:16

I was feeling quite guilty feeling like this towards my 'guest', but now I don't seeing as I'm not the only one. Thanks for the tread op.

ProjectGainsborough · 27/12/2018 11:22

Why do you set the shower to scalding and use up all hot water so the rest of us have to stand shivering under a freezing trickle?

Your aftershave is like napalm. It’s making me sneeze and I’m 2 floors away.

And... what was that brown thing you left in the shower? 😱

MrPoppysGF · 27/12/2018 11:40

We somehow ended up with a couple who have no friends or family willing to accept their company. So, I would have thought it would have been to polite for him to just to swallow the saliva that pooled in his mouth before speaking to me?

AND - why was the only compliment you paid all day to ASDA for doing a good turkey instead of me/DH for the feast including stuffing, roast potatoes, hassleback potatoes, glazed parsnips and carrots, cauliflower cheese, broccoli, sprouts, 3 puddings endless, fizz, soft drinks, tea etc. etc. but no thank you. Just ASDA produces a good turkey !!!

Then why pretend to fall asleep all day yet intermittently complain about the "bloody racket you and your kids are making" while we played board games.

Oh this is quite therapeutic actually.

MillicentBeauchamp · 27/12/2018 11:41

To say every half hour "Is there a news (sic)" YES there are news channels on the TV - and also the "news" effectively has no news on it as it is Christmas day.... (sorry - just found it extremely irritating)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2018 11:45

Yes, please do keep mum company in the too small kitchen whilst she's making dinner. She particularly wants to see your latest dance involving high-kicks whilst she's getting hot things out of the oven and off the hob, it's ever so helpful and not at all dangerous...

I love this thread, thank you, CoperCabana and all.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2018 11:47

Sorry, mine are not guests... permanent residents. Blush

BloomsButtons · 27/12/2018 12:04

@KindleAndCake I feel your pain!

EastMidsGPs · 27/12/2018 12:21

STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND ....

You do not need to get up and follow me downstairs the moment you hear us stir.
(And later, when asked if you'd like to go out, declare you are off back to bed😠)

I do not need company in the kitchen (where you starting doing something at the sink and in the way whenevet I am in there)

I do not need company when I am tidying the lounge (where you start picking imaginary bits off the chairs, sofas and carpet and NO you do not need to get the hover out 😠)

I do not need (as you've just done) accompanying to the dustbin, 100 yards for the back door. Further I do not need telling for the eleventy billion time that the binmen will be a day late.

Yes, you are going up to my DB's tomorrow whether you feel 'you are coming down with flu' or not. No, it wouldn't be easier for everyone for you to see NY in here.

And breathe 😃😃

choccyp1g · 27/12/2018 12:21

ellendegeneres Wed 26-Dec-18 14:03:08
Why for the love of all things good turn up 45mins before I’m about to dish up and stand there in the way and looking gormless whilst I rush around- and why then ask me if you can ‘borrow’ my turkey to feed your family because you forgot it fangry

Whilst we’re on it, no I don’t have spare veg, no I can’t whip you up some of my Yorkshire puds to take with you, yes I do plan on using the last of my gravy and no, there are no ‘extra’ roast spuds in there that you can pinch for your gathering of 8!! What exactly did you buy for your Christmas dinner!?

Ellen, please come back and tell us more, or start a whole CF thread with the details.

KindleAndCake · 27/12/2018 12:42

Thankyou BloomsButtons

DarkLikeVader · 27/12/2018 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/12/2018 13:35

Why do you insist on describing, to the exclusion of all other conversation, every single illness you've suffered over the last year?

And why does this have to include the precise type of vomit, the exact consistency of diarrhoea and even the showing of photographs of your scar/scab/boil/whatever?

And above all, WHY do you always save the most horrible anecdotes for when we're eating?

HarrySnotter · 27/12/2018 13:37

Why sit on your arse all day and watch me do fucking everything because DH has a bad back then announce happily 'oh I've done nothing to help' as I FINALLY sat down. Oh and if you think I didn't realise you were pretending to be asleep as I cleared up, you're wrong.

We're going away for Christmas next year! 😂

Frenchlady14 · 27/12/2018 13:47

OMG to the leaving a shitty loo - Not only did you pebbledash my upstairs one and leave it all for me (rubber gloves and bleach job as it had all stuck hard) - then when I decided to go for a wee downstairs while the loo cleaner did its job, did I find skid marks all down that loo too. You're a grown man ffs - HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT !! - This is the third time you've stayed here - never again. Can't even see you in a sexy way anymore. Eeeew ....

EastMidsGPs · 27/12/2018 13:52

Just heard DM on the phone to her SIL exclaiming her surprise that 'EastMidsGP cooked Christmas lunch without disaster'

Although she doesn't know what I was thinking serving braised red cabbage - everyone knows that isn't a vegetable😂😂😂😂

Counting down the hours until I can put her on her train north. She is rather peeved we've organised support from the train network 'anyone would think I was old and 'daft' err yes😉

stonesandsticks · 27/12/2018 14:04

After the experience of my house guests over the past few years, I have a few top tips for anyone lucky enough to be invited to my, or anyone else's home, over Christmas in future:

  1. If the host puts snacks/buffet items etc in bowls on the table this is a signal that she intends guests to help themselves to a small amount at a time- not that she is too stupid or lazy to share them out evenly. It is not considered polite to count out how many each person is 'entitled' to and either share them between plates before anyone else has moved or take your own share and spend the rest of the evening policing how many everyone else has taken.
  2. If you happen to try some food that you don't like the correct response is to quietly leave it at the side of your plate. If the small amount in your mouth is completely intollerable you may discretely spit it in to a napkin and dispose of it. As a supposedly fully functioning adult you should not shout words to the effect if 'yuck, eaugh, horrible, disgusting' before loudly spitting repeatedly and asking everyone else if they've tried the 'gross stuff'.
  3. Adding the words 'I don't want to be any trouble' before reeling off a very specific set of food and drink requests (not allergy etc related) does not make it any less trouble. Equally requesting a glass of 'whatever you're opening' then pulling a face when it turns out not to be what you wanted is not helpful.