House guests moan (lighthearted)

[CoperCabana]

Why would you put dirty stuff / cut veg into clean drainer

Why woukd you let your dogs lick the dishes

Why would you sit on your arse all day and complain but do fuck all to help

And breathe...

Why would you think its appropriate to play loud music with swear words in when there are 3 primary school children in the room. Yes i know you're trying to prove that you're still young, hip and "cool" now you're in your 60s but really it just makes you seem desperate.

Why would you think it is ok to keep on attempting to engage my DH in conversations about sex and/or sex acts when again children in the room and my DH doesnt want to discuss these with his MIL anymore than i would. And to repeat, this still doesn't make you cool.

And why oh why DSis would you keep farting at full ripping volume and laughing about it like its normal and hilarious.

Oh god. We didn't have anyone this year as it's DS's 1st Xmas. My parents came for 2 hours Xmas morning for champagne & canapes, spoiled DS, complimented me on the food, poured their own drinks (after the 1st one) & left without overstaying their welcome.
My ILs are coming for 3 nights from Fri. I'm dreading it. We usually host so I know what I'm in for, but since having DS, MIL insists he "cries all the time" (he really doesn't) & they moaned when they stayed when he was 3 months old that he cried in the night & woke them up!

Jesus wept @cazinge just get them really drunk!

Omg my Xmas sounds soooo boring by comparison to some of these stories.

We played Grandma Bingo this year to alleviate things! Every time my 'D' M did something/said something that is designed to piss me or DD's off we kept count. Comments like why aren't you DD's helping you make dinner today. What the same DD's who made dinner completely on Monday night for everyone (something time consuming and difficult to make well) and prepped all of the vegetables for Christmas dinner and set up the table and helped dish out while your other daughter my 'D'S sat on her arse for the last 4 days doing fuck all (apart from being able to sort herself out extra drinks in the evenings when she wanted another). When the trifle wasn't quite set today asking me why I hadn't made it on Christmas Eve even though you saw me running around like a blue arsed fly trying to get all the last minute preparations done for Christmas. Lying about how many people you managed to caters Christmas Dinner for (we never had 14 fucking people to a sit down Christmas Dinner ever). Taking a fucking hour to get ready to take your dog out for a walk twice a day which drove my dog absolutely bananas especially as he's a male dog and you turned up with your female dog in heat so I've had to spend the last 5 days keeping them apart which was made fucking impossible by your badly behaved mutt jumping and scratching up my doors every time she was put in a room away from you meaning my pets had to be segregated of necessity. Arrrrrrgh.

Thank fuck they've gone home and thanks @CoperCabana very therapeutic.

Why did you offer to cook the second day you were staying? Is my cooking that awful??? I am also sorry that you seem to visit every time I am due my period and all I want to do is spit in your tea...

Thanks for putting caustic soda down the kitchen sink without asking me and for no reason then announcing just before I got out the buffet evening meal that I wouldn't be able to use my own sink because it needs to sit there all night.
And apparently I can just 'do the washing up in the morning'. How generous of you.

Dsis when your youngest is tired beyond her ability to deal with it, take note and take her home. Asking her 6 times if she wants to go home, then not heeding her answer but continuing to watch TV for an hour before stirring yourself is just selfish.

I was the guest this year, and I was VVVVU to ask where the nearest skip was so that I didn't clog up your wheelie bins with rubbish. I should have prepared in advance for this, and made sure I had space in the car for the rubbish. No, you're right - transporting boxes, paper and other bulky waste 3 hours in the car is much more convenient than taking it to the local skip. Yes, I deserved a telling off. Rural life has definitely blinkered me to the real world. I apologise for my skip-oriented questioning.

I want to go to sleep and you have been clogging up the bathroom for almost an hour. I only need to brush my teeth and have a pee. What are you DOING in there?

Also, please don’t act so affronted when I politely ask you not to put fruit in the recycling bin. It’s not that hard. One bin has paper and plastic in it and one bin has teabags and leftover food and all the other stuff. Not only can you see this with your eyes, but we’ve had this conversation every single time you’ve come to stay. And yet when I gently explain how the bins work, you look at me like I’ve asked if I can eat your pet dog.

So glad I m neither staying with anyone or have anyone staying with me this year.

Please don't just sit there, waiting for someone to put the food on your plate. Everyone else is helping themselves, why can't you? Oh yes, because that's the wimmin's job.

Why would you sit on uncomfortable chairs in what is effectively a spare room rather than join the family in the warm cosy living room? What was the fucking point of coming if you aren't going to bother speaking to anyone? You say you don't want to cause any bother, but in my head you're either really rude or just don't like me.

"Whatever is easiest" is a shit response to being asked if you'd like a tea or a coffee.

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to make yourself a hot drink in our house, however it would be really nice if you could ask if your son or I would like one too, seeing as we've been waiting on you for the past three days.

Please, when specifically asked not to bring food that needs to be kept in the fridge as we won't have room for it, spend a fortune in M&S then sulk because, well, we don't have room for it.

Thank fuck they're going home tomorrow. I feel like a visitor in my own house.

Why the actual fuck would you be "mortified" because I don't have a griddle pan? On the rare occasions I cook bacon I stick it under the grill. No mortification necessary.

Don't be a fucking martyr. If I say I'm cooking a whole chicken and you don't like bones, tell me and I'll cook something else, don't say "it's fine, you cook the chicken, I'll just have bread and butter". (Called her out on that one and said "ok then", and she did just eat bread and butter, that'll learn ya 🤣)

Oh and MAKE A FUCKING DECISION!!!! Because it's lunch, I'm asking if you want a ham sandwich or a quiche, not asking if you want to go to nuclear war with Cuba, stop the flapping and pulling the lemon faces and the "oh oh I just don't know, you decide for me!!"

And I don't know who you're blathering on about. Who is Christine? I don't know her therefore I don't care that her son Neil got into pilot school and her daughter Marie is dancing on stage at Knaresborough Civic Hall (or wherever). And why even bother saying "you know my friend Avril?" When you know I don't fucking know Avril, you just want to find a way in to tell me for the next 15 minutes how her builder didn't do a very good job of the plastering and they had to call trading standards in the end.

It's actually quite weird to turn down a cooked meal and just make yourself a sandwich, because "we don't want to be a bother". It's actually more bother to sort out sandwiches than it is to dish up an extra two portions of what everyone else is having.

If we invite you to our house, it's because dh likes we like you, we want to spend time together and we like to spoil you a bit. By trying to be as invisible and unobtrusive as possible, you're actually throwing our hospitality back in our faces. It also makes me wary of visiting you in case by accepting offers of cooked meals and comfortable chairs, WE'VE been a bother and after we've gone you bitch about how entitled we are behind our backs.

I could go on for hours, in fact I probably have , but it's just WEIRD.

When a magnificent Christmas lunch is finally served after hours of planning and hard labour, don’t sigh and comment that it’s not the same without bread sauce. And as you flood your plate with gravy, maybe take note of how many people would also like some, it’s not the gravy-granule instant stuff you serve so I can’t boil the kettle to make another pint.

I glazed over after being told three times how someone I don’t know preferred the windows in her old house to the newer house she bought.

"You're having another gin? That's your third today. Do you always drink so much?"

I think it's time to draw up an agreement that includes rules & regulations...basically if the person/s don't sign and send back, they don't set foot in side your house.

Why is my worktop covered in tea towels with crockery piled up over it? We have a draining board. Why are your shoes under the Christmas tree, next to the hallway door where there is a shoe rack? Why do you keep moving things around? Why do you need to use every mug we own before it is even noon?

@KeepCalm it's actually ok now. My Mum knows it bothers me (& DS is her 1st Grandbaby and a bit spoiled ) so when we all go out for dinner on Fri (safety in numbers) she will make sure every other word sentence is about how happy/lovely/content DS is (he's just normal, really).
If I wasn't BF it would make a great drinking game

Why did you offer to wash up, gettoldno the dishwasher will do it next lusf, ignore me and do it anyway but donut badly, in a greasy bowl so it still all needs to go through the dishwasher! Grrr.

Why did you offer to cook the second day you were staying? Is my cooking that awful???

Wow, what terrible guests, offering to cook. You poor thing