Unwritten rules of the road

[abacucat]

Just been out driving and it reminds me of the unwritten driving rules that many seem to follow. So these are -

• It is fine to stop on a double yellow as long as you put your hazards on
• It is fine to park somewhere illegal as long as it is "only for a minute"
• It is fine to speed if you are "in a hurry"

There is one exception to the Never Use Your Indicators rule, and that is when you are going straight ahead at a roundabout. Then it is imperative that you indicate right. Then you may ever suddenly into the straight ahead exit with no qualms.If possible, leave your indicator on indefintely, to confuse and annoy other road users as much as possible.

On the dual carriageways where I live, it isn’t the overtaking lane, it’s the I’m going much faster than you you’d better get out of this bloody lane right now how can you even think you’d be allowed to overtake another car when I’m coming up behind you at way over the speed limit so I’ll flash my lights at you to let you know you’ve fucked up.

You can come to a standstill right in front of me as you drive towards me, completely blocking my way. Wind down your window, because after all, why wouldn't I. Want to hear what you have to say? You are after all a Man, and I'm a mere female

If you're a lorry driver, it's absolutely fine (if not compulsory) to drive side by side for miles in lanes 1 and 2 of the motorway, causing slow moving traffic for miles behind you.

It's a really good idea to never use your indicator especially when you can see pedestrians waiting at a crossing on a roundabout.

The taxi thing is true. I once had a taxi driver who told me the police basically just let them do whatever they want because they're professional drivers I haven't been in a taxi that didn't do something illegal so IME it's true.

So annoying though when you have waited patiently in the left hand lane and some cf blatantly has gone in the other lane and deliberately pushes their way back in knowing full well you were there first and has effectively overtook 20 cars. See this on M25 slip road from time to time - usually flatbed trucks or vans.
But if everyone did what the Highway Code says you should and filled both lanes before merging then you'd be in one of the two lanes at random and wouldn't feel (unreasonably) that you'd been taken advantage of.

Also people who go right at a roundabout from the middle lane and cutting up the person from the correct position because they cannot be bothered to queue and wait and are so important
These people however should be shot. They're completely cocking up the few advantages of roundabouts and creating queues by cutting off the traffic.

Ahh but in the M25 instance the instigators are not in the correct lane, they push in from the lane going to the M25 opposite direction itms

If you drive a bus you are required to pull out from the bus stop into the car that is alongside.
If you take your pension as a lump sum you must purchase a fuck off big car...and then drive it at 29mph...even where the national speed limit signs indicate otherwise. You are also required to place a Panama hat on the parcel shelf to provide proof of your advanced years.

When waiting to exit a busy dual carriageway sliproad on a hill onto a roundabout, do not consider leaving a single centimetre of space between you and the car in front. That'll encourage them to enter the nightmare roundabout prematurely so you can be on your way.

When another driver makes a minor infraction or just generally pisses you off, it is imperative that you stop and give them the stink eye for as long as possible.

Do not worry that you are now holding up traffic. Your glare will immediately serve as a catylist for the other driver to mend their wayward driving and book themselves into an advanced driving course.

Be especially helpful to women with children in their cars by rolling your window down and shouting profanities.

‘Tis a public service after all.

Almost forgot this one but someone reminded me this morning, if a driver in front of you has a small car with slower acceleration than you it's very important that you don't overtake them but instead sit so close behind them that they can see you pick your nose.

If you're over 80 and drive a tiny, unroadworthy-looking car, do not consider driving anywhere other than the fastest, busiest road in the county at peak times...doing no more than 35mph

The klaxon and warning lights at level crossings are exaggerating the risk of trundling over the tracks before the barriers go down. The barriers are a nuisance if your time is precious so if you're feeling lucky why not steer round and get through as they're descending.

Reliant robins only need a motorcycle licence to drive.
Ironic, given that motorcycle licences are now far far harder to get than car ones

Speed limits don't apply to motorcycles
Actually, over 60% of motorcycles on UK roads are 50cc and incapable of exceeding any speed limit higher than 25. There is a load of cognitive psych / neuroscience that explains why people remember the evidence that supports the stereotype over that which refutes it.

But...

It is a risky use of your personal data to indicate where you're going

Use any lane to take join an roundabout regardless of your exit. It makes the whole experience much more exciting, and livens up a dull day for all

When trying to find a specific house on an unknown street, it is best to turn on your hazards, then kangaroo from door to door and prevent any local traffic getting past you

If you're a cyclist, please show your solidarity for with those who drive to Southend seafront by utterly refusing to use the cycle lanes that were installed in place of the badly needed parking spaces. We will champion your fortitude in continuing to cycle in the road NEXT to the cycle lane, leaving the cycle lane bereft of users and shaming the council.

If you are native to a village, but have seen it grow in size in recent years, park where ever the fuck you feel - then blame the 'invaders' to your village for the bad parking [ok, that one is very specific to where I live]

The klaxon and warning lights at level crossings are exaggerating the risk of trundling over the tracks before the barriers go down. The barriers are a nuisance if your time is precious so if you're feeling lucky why not steer round and get through as they're descending.

On the flip side, from where I used to live (not a driving one this, I suppose):
If you operate a train station with a level crossing on a busy commuter route, by all means keep the barriers down for each subsequent service; pay no heed that they've now been down for 25, 30, 35 minutes or more.

Related:
If you are a bus waiting in the queue for the above, by all means refuse to allow passengers to alight or board until the barriers raise and you can move forward the 9 inches into the designated bus stop. It's better that the traffic behind wait a little longer.

If you drive a HGV for Appliances Online, it is your right to disobey temporary speed limits on motorways, and your duty to pull into the middle lane of said motorway without indicating, as long as there’s a small car approximately halfway past you who has to make an emergency stop to avoid being flattened.

On corkscrew roundabouts drivers should fanny around changing lanes as they wish.

It’s fine to overtake someone who is indicating their intention to turn right into a side road and has stopped to wait for a break in oncoming traffic.

Parking around every single driveway, half on the pavement leaving no space for wheelchairs or peaks, and rendering visibility for cars exiting their driveways to almost zero, is fine.

Prams, not peaks

Zebra crossings are just there to make the road pretty. Its fine to not slow down or look when approaching and to sail through even when there are pedestrians on the crossing.

You must overtake the bus that's indicating and has begun to pull out. Despite it being substantially bigger than your car. All the people on the bus can wait for you. If they had to be somewhere on time they wouldn't have got on the bus.

Double parking on busy town centre streets is fine if it gets you closer to your destination.

Tradesmens vans - It’s absolutely fine to park on the zig zags outside the school entrance, because you’re only popping into the shop to get a sandwich, and its too far away to park in the shop car park (all of 15 strides away). Doesn’t matter that you’re blocking visibility on the zebra crossing - hey, a school child being run over by a car is a small price to pay for you getting your sandwich a bit quicker...

Headlamps are for wimps. You need to put two miniature suns on the front of your car.

If you are tired from a long commute, large 4x4, fed up with the parents parking for the primary school Christmas play because you live near said school and generally tired of life, feel free to pull out sharply without indication behind the long queue of stationary cars on your side of the road and using your full beam to bulldoze oncoming traffic's right of way into submission forcing them to reverse for at least 200m around a sharp bend narrowly missing oncoming traffic without apology or giving any thanks until you reach your destination. Phew...!

In the event that you encounter resistance from the oncoming right of way traffic do not be surprised if she refuses to mount the curb reversing into the neighbours, the evening dog walkers, parents and any children and generally takes their time to reverse at the speed that is conducive to the inconvenient rain, road conditions and level of traffic.

It's definitely in the Highway Code. It must be - it happened to me last night . Merry Fucking Christmas

To completely ignore the rules of mini roundabouts, and just barrel along even if someone's in the middle of said roundabout.

That if you are approaching a width restriction, your massive bmw/Mercedes automatically has right of way over little hatchback. This goes double if massive car driver has a penis.

It's perfectly legal to park on the hard shoulder of a motorway, place your prayer mat on the ground and proceed to pray, as I once saw a man do

When approaching a section of road where one party is required to give way to the other, it is imperative that you switch your lights to full beam to dazzle the other driver into submission.

Chicanes exist (particularly outside schools) to provide excitement to drivers in the who can get through first race. If you meet head on you must sit tight and blare your horn whilst utilising full beam until the other driver backs down

Headlights in the rain/greyness that is winter are for wimps. Especially if you drive a grey/black car.