All aboard the Seafour tour bus #2

[Seafour]

A new thread for us

Old thread in HDU with respiratory failure and terrified

Hello my lovely Buslings, it's exactly one month ago today that I underwent surgery to reshape my spine and insert long rods to prevent it from moving again. I've spent the morning reflecting on the last month and what my expectations were prior to surgery.
Nobody was expecting me to even be out of hospital at this stage, so the fact that I'm at home is something to be very thankful for on its own.
My recovery is going really well, I feel really good both physically and psychologically. I've had major mental health problems following surgery in the past some related to depression but also related to trauma and ptsd. The wonderful support that I've had here has played a huge role in how I've felt, thank you all so much for the friendship, love and encouragement you've given me, it's a debt of kindness I can never repay but there will be a huge cake at our picnic which will happen in real life and I really hope lots of you will be able to attend.

So much of this is wonderful, the sad bits are dh's back he has realised today that this isn't something he is going to get over quickly and the implications of that are really frightening. He thinks yesterday's dog walk was too far for him and he's suffering the consequences today. Fabulous being ill is also so concerning, she is such a wonderful person and we are a real team, I feel so sad for her, being ill is horrible but she's also a single mum and will be fretting about her financial situation, my hands are tied in terms of sick pay and I feel terrible about it but I'm also very worried about her and wish I could make her better and then send her on holiday for a week of luxury and pampering.

The new carer hasn't needed to go to the walk in centre and is beginning to be a bit more responsive, last night dh noticed that she had failed to reconnect the tubing to my suction machine. This could have really frightening consequences, because I can't cough I rely totally on the suction machine to clear secretions loosened by being on the ventilator, I use it numerous times during the night, without it I would very quickly need medical intervention and it could quickly become a life threatening situation. We have had a long talk about what our expectations are and given her a last chance to respond. I have informed her supervisor about yesterday's fall and the suction machine.

That's all for now, I'm going to be doing some walking after lunch and giving Lola a bath because she's a little bit stinky and dirty.

Oh @Seafour that's awful about the tubing! Here's hoping she gets better at this!

It's really been a month since ur surgery? Doesn't feel that long ago but well done for exceeding expectations and being out of hospital!

Fingers crossed @Thefabulouspa gets better soon. It's tough being a single parent as it is let alone being ill (send her my love from one single parent to another)

Fingers crossed ur dh back starts to improve bless him.

Xxx

Do you have an idiot's guide for her op? Might be worth it

Horace maintaining and testing my equipment is in my care plan in very detailed steps, complete with diagrams and a checklist - all of which had been completed.

Today the carer was asked to take Lola to the nature reserve for a run off the lead, dh is in too much pain and I can't tackle rough ground yet, I double checked that she was up to it, "oh yes I go for a long walk every day at home" she returned after a few minutes saying the dog was refusing to walk, she had only made it as far as the nearest bus stop, just beyond our next door neighbours drive. Lola is a tiny little chihuahua who weighs 2.5kg I did say if she's naughty tell her off or just pick her up, but no she was defeated by the dog. I am beginning to lose patience.

Crumbs seafour where the hell has that month gone :o
Your carer really should be on the ball with regards to your equipment , tubes and stuff does she not realize that its a matter of life or hospital admission or worse if she cocks up. She shouldnt need an A4 sheet of reminders in capital letters but it might be an idea

Blimey.

Anyone would think it was a screenplay for Carry on Caring!

Thanks for your kind words Seafour. As I'm sure you know it's all part of a long process getting used to not being as able as you were - and, I suspect, like having a baby, as soon as you've got used to one state of affairs it changes. But I'm ok at the moment and thanks to some well timed IV antibiotics before Christmas I'm better than I was this time last year, so hoping to avoid my (becoming) usual January stay in hospital.
Hopefully I can hold on through the winter, keep active and boost my lung function a bit.
Someone needs to nag me about doing some walking and gentle exercise - any volunteers?

Cross posted with your updates - it must be so hard to find someone as fabulous as the fabulouspa, something that worries me about the future. Sorry to hear about the issues you're having but sounds like you're doing the right thing in bringing them up with her and her supervisor. Fingers crossed it's just teething problems

It sounds as if your carer is having to carry out a lot of roles - personal carer, cleaner, dog walker and even medical stuff (the ventilator thing) and while I'm sure the fabulous PA was brilliant and up to the job I wonder if this combination of functions is too much for the new lady? Perhaps you would be better off finding a carer who does personal care, a cleaner who cleans, and even a different dog walker? Because you wouldn't need a sleep-in cleaner and dog walker and they would only be needed a few hours a week it might even be cheaper than employing one "super woman" who actually isn't!
Chihuahuas are funny little things, and yours might have refused because she just didn't like the idea of an unfamiliar walker.

@AngelinaNeurosurgeon it's not just that she's not Superwoman, she's fat too, clearly unsuitable.

Oh well if she’s FAT then she clearly shouldn’t do the job. Or do anything. She should probably take her fat bumbling incompetent arse off elsewhere.

How dare they send someone FAAAAAATTTTTT.

Angelina the whole idea of employing live in care is that they are expected to and are trained for all of these roles. The whole point of paying the extortionate fees is to have a person or people who can run your house & life while you aren't able to do so yourself. She's actually getting off lightly because dh is doing all the cooking and tidying up the dishes, loading the dishwasher etc.
She has experience of working with ventilated/spinal injured patients previously but we didn't take that for granted and gave her specific training for my equipment. I spend much of each day in bed, I'm undemanding and can do 80% of my personal care independently.
People who do this kind of work can find themselves being asked to care for young children/animals/horses/elderly dependent relatives as well as someone in recovery from a life changing illness or injury.
As for the dog, I did explain that what she needed was an off lead run on the nature reserve and that she might need to be carried there. Lola is used to being walked by lots of different people, this week she's been walked by five different people, two of whom she only knows from meeting while out dog walking. I really don't think the situation warranted giving up a few metres from home. Poor little thing has had to make do with quick trot round the block with me in my wheelchair and some liver cake hunting in the garden.

I would just like to make it clear that at no point have I said the word fat, I'm the first to accept that people come in all shapes and sizes and physical fitness/ability isn't always linked to someone's size and shape.

Are you sure FPA is ill or is she just exhausted?

Absolutely disgusting to comment on the carer being fat. Out of order. Especially with the photos of you on this thread Seafour which identify that carer.

I hope MN delete the posts.

AND this is CHAT so it's here for ever.

Shocking.

I agree. It’s lovely you have a little band of followers on here as MN support can be amazing in many ways and I wish you well.
But by identifying yourself you are identifying the people can concerned with your care and in particular a woman who has signed up for a PA job. She has not signed up to have all her shortcomings plastered all over a major parenting site, inviting some truly horrid comments about her capabilities and her physical shape.

Even you, Seafour, are publicly accusing an identifiable carer of being incompetent on one of the UK's biggest websites. That is not appropriate, ill or not.

that at no point have I said the word fat

Bet you win every game of Taboo though.

Keep

I do think you have high expectations of a carer’s role. Carers are not cleaners or dog walkers. They should ensure things like; clean bathroom after use, wiping the kitchen surfaces and light household duties which may include letting the dog into the garden. I understand she started with you knowing she needed to clean but perhaps she didn’t realise the level of what was expected.

An agency carer is unlikely to fulfil what you want which is high quality cleaning. I recommend PA pool to you earlier in the thread, perhaps you need to look at a back up PA. Do you only have Fab PA? People with such complex needs usually have a small number of people who are employed to cover sick time and leave etc.

Best of luck.

Blimey I worked as a career for a number of years. No horses were ever involved
And my service user had extremely complex needs
Was I doing it wrong
Hope you’re recovery continues well with more competent staff

So, Seafour, on the biggest parenting site in the uk, that is watched by the redtops, you yourself (not anyone else!) have said about the carer, who is identifiable because you put your photo up:

The whole point of paying the extortionate fees is to have a person or people who can run your house & life while you aren't able to do so yourself. She's actually getting off lightly because dh is doing all the cooking and tidying up the dishes, loading the dishwasher etc.
She has experience of working with ventilated/spinal injured patients previously but we didn't take that for granted and gave her specific training for my equipment

So you are saying she is earning “extortionate fees” and insinuating she isn’t doing the job adequately. Potentially libellous. Defamatory.

I really don't think the situation warranted giving up a few metres from home.

Even her dog walking is inadequate. Awful thing to say, where the carer has no right of reply. And is identifiable.

Today the carer was asked to take Lola to the nature reserve for a run off the lead, dh is in too much pain and I can't tackle rough ground yet, I double checked that she was up to it, "oh yes I go for a long walk every day at home" she returned after a few minutes saying the dog was refusing to walk, she had only made it as far as the nearest bus stop, just beyond our next door neighbours drive. Lola is a tiny little chihuahua who weighs 2.5kg I did say if she's naughty tell her off or just pick her up, but no she was defeated by the dog. I am beginning to lose patience.

It is NOT OK to say this about an identifiable employee on a public forum

last night dh noticed that she had failed to reconnect the tubing to my suction machine. This could have really frightening consequences, because I can't cough I rely totally on the suction machine to clear secretions loosened by being on the ventilator, I use it numerous times during the night, without it I would very quickly need medical intervention and it could quickly become a life threatening situation. We have had a long talk about what our expectations are and given her a last chance to respond. I have informed her supervisor about yesterday's fall and the suction machine.

Not ok to say this either. That should be a private matter. That’s her private medical info re the fall and you can’t publicly accuse her like that. Also, maybe she just went for a walk.

I really think your illness is clouding your thought processes. I could go on and highlight more things, including those said by others, which are potentially defamatory, and remember, the carer can be identified by virtue of your photo, but what you are posting here about someone else who can be identified and who you employ, it’s really not on.

I just had an awful though.

That's her personally identifiable info you are sharing here, and you employ her in a business capacity, and you don't have her consent to do so. i'm worried for you Seafour. This isn't a private context, it is a business relationship - I would, for example, hate the carer to complain to the ICO that data that could be used to identify her was shared publicly in breach of GDPR.

*thought