All aboard the Seafour tour bus #2

[Seafour]

A new thread for us

Old thread in HDU with respiratory failure and terrified

Merry merry merry to all in the bus and those who have hopped off for a wee while.

Crown. Ouch, but those nails 😝

Sea ungrateful unfeeling self involved young ones. That stinks. I am angry on your behalf, again.

DH is prepping the dinner, blasting the music and whistling. I've got the custard cooling for the trifle. It also has jelly, two kinds, and strawberries. I love the colors so want to layer all sorts in there.

Took a neighborhood walk first thing. The sun is shining brightly and all should be well with the world. I refuse to think about horrible call with adult DD last night. Drinking does her no favors. It took such a short time to get to 'you were never a mum anyway ' I know she wishes she was with us, but her particular way to deal with it is to pass along the misery and anger.

Sorry for the downer buslings. I need to dust myself off and get on with the day.

Crownandheelshigh that's a triumph of a Christmas dinner, you should be feeling very proud of yourself.

Sofarsogreat I have an adult son with alcohol issues and it's taken me far too long to disengage with him. I had years of being told that it was my fault for being a crap mum but he's almost 40 and I've had enough. It was only a couple of months ago but I wish I'd done it years ago.

I've had a lovely afternoon, dh cooked an amazing Christmas dinner and then we opened our presents around the Christmas tree. I'm amazed I managed to stay downstairs for that long but I was more than ready for a nap. There were a few tears as well because it's all a bit overwhelming. In a little while we're going to have Christmas pudding with cream and I shall have a small glass of Baileys. Temperatures finally gone down and I've been chugging fluids all day so be is now up to 90/48.

Looking forward to watching call the midwife.

I'm glad you've had a nice afternoon Seafour - you certainly deserve it! Hopefully, your naughty bp will continue improving).

Food coma's aplenty here, I'll put a cold buffet out soon but I think almost everyone over-ate at lunch (you'll have to picture the smug smile that says just now not sorry I am about that).

Merry Christmas everyone! I've been throughly spoiled by my external family, both with a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and by a buffet tea. I feel like I've definitely overindulged and am happy to be home at last before I keeled over, but I've had a lovely time. I'm looking forward to a quiet day tomorrow.

Merry Christmas to you, Sea, and to everyone else on the bus.
I'm so pleased for you that you're home and that you had a good day.

Belated Merry Christmas to everyone on this thread

I'm so glad your fever has abated sea.

Our adult DCs all spent Christmas away from home so we had our first Christmas Day in forever without them. I'd like to tell you that it wasn't the same and all the magic has gone but it's been lovely. DH and I had a long, long lie in and spent the rest of the day watching films.

The hordes descend on us tomorrow and the day after. Please can I hide on the bus when they arrive?

The den is always open!

I booted everyone out of my kitchen earlier so I could have a time-out/Mumsnet - I love hosting, but sometimes I need to breathe.

So pleased you had a lovely afternoon Seafour. I'm all in, not enough sleep and too many people. Mind if I curl up in the den? Might be able to provide fresh bread - ds da on attempt two with his shiny new breadmaker, this time the ingredients have been measured correctly and it should be ready about midnight 😂

Sweet dreams for everyone on the bus. No matter how your day went, know you have a place here, and that you are all special

I feel utterly miserable, dh is in a bad mood probably because I mentioned that if dsc can't have the common courtesy to acknowledge my existence in my own home they can stay with their mother from now on and if they want a lift back to university with their stuff in two weeks time then it won't be with dh using my car. I honestly thought we'd moved beyond all this shit but I was wrong so so wrong.

Oh no Seafour, that's exactly what you don't need. Surely his dc's appalling manners today haven't escaped his notice though? He could have already been smarting about them regressing and you've (unjustifiably) caught the backlash - it doesn't make it acceptable, but it could explain it. A long, calm talk tomorrow may be in order.

Come on into the den, you know you're safe there and you have as much support, as many hand-holds and as many hugs as you need. I'll stay with you until you can rest, there are blankets and tissues as needed.

Oh Sea that is not what you needed today. I am so sorry. He must recognize that their behavior is awful. Perhaps he is ashamed, which becomes anger.

Snuggle up with us in the den. The guests are gone, the clean up is done. It's lovely and calm. Look. Here's your spot. So so comfy. We've got you ❤️

Thank you for holding me last night, I slept well and we're having a lie in and a lazy morning is planned this afternoon my brother is coming to visit along with ex daughter in law, her partner, his dd and our 2 dgc. It all sounds exhausting to me but lovely all the same.

We have spoken about yesterday's events, reluctantly on dh's part as he thought we had said everything that needed to be said yesterday. This is classic dh, he's a "bury head in sand and hope the storm has passed when you come up" type.
He says he will speak to dsc next time they are here, I've said my piece, made it clear that my home isn't somewhere you get to come and treat me like shit and take full advantage of the facilities, lifts to & from work, somewhere to crash with your mates after a night out, use my car for lifts to and from university etc etc. If they really think I'm deserving of that treatment then they can fuck off out of my life.

I hope everyone has a lovely day

Oh Sea, how infuriating. Dh here always gets grumpy when dss' manners are caught missing. Sadly that shit never goes completely, it just hides a lot of the time. Dh and I used to joke that I spend all my time polishing apples to give dss, but sometimes dsc don't give us much to laugh about.

Come into the den. Its cosy, and calm, and you can relax. Would you like a warm drink too? Bring lola, she can snuggle next to you like a wee hot water bottle.

Anyone want any pudding? I seem to have rather a large amount, considering we weren't catering yesterday! Triffle for breakfast maybe?

I'm glad you managed to clear the air with DH Seafour. He's a good un for sure!

Glad that things have calmed down, both with the fever and DH. Hope everybody had a good Christmas!

DH is good BUT his outright refusal to tackle the disgraceful behaviour of his dc has caused 80% of the problems in our marriage for sure.

It's so hurtful and all stems from his dc's wanting him to divorce me a couple of years after I became disabled. I think it's the only time he hasn't given them what they want.
I just don't understand how they can treat me like this and at the same time pander to their own dm and her "disabilities" which started around the same time as I had my first spinal surgery, she has no diagnosis and has never spent a night in hospital yet can't do anything for herself and lies around on the sofa/in bed demanding that everyone does her bidding. Whilst I who have something real that can be seen gets treated like a piece of shit. It's soul destroying.

At times like this I want to divorce dh and let them get on with it.

They sound really shit and so ungrateful Sea, I don't blame you for feeling like that.

It's so hurtful and all stems from his dc's wanting him to divorce me a couple of years after I became disabled. I think it's the only time he hasn't given them what they want.

That's a telling statement! Your dh pandered to them (maybe a bit/lot 'disney dad?), then you became disabled and they wanted to be rid of you in case their dad had to consider someone other than them. It sounds as though their mum has a streak of self-centeredness and dad was where they got to be the centre of attention.

You've drawn your boundaries Seafour, that's good, it's healthy and it's necessary!

That's about spot on except it was their dm that left, we brought them up and struggled financially while she got to spoil them, take them on holidays, trips to the theatre, days out etc. We just rushed around like headless chickens doing all the hard work, even when she had them for weekends we still had to drive them to activities, parties etc.

When I finally plucked up the courage to leave the house, about three and a half years after becoming a wheelchair user, I joined a local group to try and build some new friendships, it's one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. The third month I went along dh's exw turned up to join the same group, she's full of confidence and has to be the centre of attention. I went home and didn't go back. I joined an adult education class to learn something new and the third term in she signs up for the same thing. She's made my recovery so much more difficult and is the reason I hardly ever go out locally.

Today I feel really shitty, can't stop crying but will have to get up soon and fake being happy for the sake of other people.

Sounds to me as though their (not so) dm screwed them up royally and whether out of guilt or lack of backbone your dh over-compensated - the step parenting board on here is full of variations on this theme and it's never excusable.

I'm sorry their dm made your life so hard, her behaviour says everything about her while your survival says everything about you. I'm not sure if it's been mentioned before, but would your dh go with you to see a family therapist? If he's stuck in FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) it might help him see the damage he's doing to you - and your stepchildren need to start acting their ages instead of their shoe sizes!

Come and find us on the bus whenever you need us

We did have therapy which saved our marriage but there is still work to be done. Obviously my health has somewhat overtaken our therapy but we will be going back.

There have been times on this journey when it's felt as if the exw has been stalking me, it's really fucked with my head.

I had a lovely message from one of the dsc today (the one who came to see me yesterday) about the food hamper I put together for her and her bf, saying they are going to make a particular thing and bring it over to share with us.

It sounds as though she been stalking you...it would screw with anybody's head!

At least one of your dsc seems to have some manners and a more palatable disposition. I hope your day has improved.

Christmas brings all of the family crap out, that's rough though sea but they are adults. Now I've said that we too are currently experiencing the arrival of our adult DCs. Which is why DH and I have come to bed and left them all to it.

As my Grandma used to say in a thick Scottish accent
'Aye it's lovely to see them but it's lovely to see them go.'

It does sound like the ex wife has been stalking you in the past sea, with a good wind blowing in the right direction they'll all be thoroughly decent to you tomorrow.

If it all gets too much then hop back on the bus, I'm sure that by then I'll be taking refuge in the padded cell section. Can I bring DH with me, just for the day? He's entirely woman/pet/child friendly and he'll be as happy as a pig in the proverbial when given an overstuffed dishwasher to stack or there's some batch cooking to do.

In all seriousness I do hope they all cut you some slack, especially DH.

How's your fever today? Or did I miss that news?

On the positive side, at least one dsc sounds human

I am loving the above posters saying. Having waved my parents and brother off after 2 days (and tucked Dds up) I'm lying the peace and quiet with-a-bottle-of-Baileys

Hows your temp and BP been today? I hope they're behaving now.

*loving, not lying!