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Original poster

Being called mum

226 replies

sizzledrizz · 07/12/2018 23:32

I am often called this by those who work with my children: teachers, doctors, clinic staff etc.
I can understand if they are not familiar with my child and don't know dc's name, but it irks me when they could at least call me Mrs DC surname. I sometimes tell them my name, but they still insist on calling me mum.
The final nail has been that when my DC's father goes to collect them from school, a lot less than me, no teacher ever calls him 'dad'
Why is that?
Pisses me off

OP posts:
MamaDane · 09/12/2018 10:49

It's strange that doctors do it imo. Do they not have your file where they take notice of your name before you show up to an appointment?

Also feels strange (for me) to use surnames, as here it's not a thing. People always use first names no matter the context really. So teachers aren't Mr or Ms/Mrs "Smith", they are just e.g. John or Jane.

Karensbadger · 09/12/2018 10:51

I get it, OP. It’s demeaning and lazy and reductive and I’ve pulled people up about it in meetings. I’ve bothered to learn their name, they can glance down to their page and read mine.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2018 11:06

DH spent 4 months in hospital at 1. I was called Mom or Mommy for the entirety except for a few nurses who got to know us. It's fine. They need to know my child, thry have parents coming and going every day, anyone's guess at surname and preferred prefix. It really doesn't affect you special to the Universe you are if everyone doesn't refer to you by name

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OhTheRoses · 09/12/2018 12:56

When my DC have been ill I have been the most significant advocate for their recovery. It also falls to parents to consent on their behalf and arrange their appointments, care, therapies, etc. Therefore parwnts should be regarded as equal stakeholders in a professional relationship.

PreseaCombatir · 09/12/2018 13:00

Doen't happen at pur local private hospital either. Just at the NHS one
Oh, so you’ve been to an NHS hospital then? And made it out alive to tell the tale? Wow, All of Mumsnet can sleep soundly now after hearing about this heartwarming Christmas miracle.
Fucking hell

OhTheRoses · 09/12/2018 13:05

Yes I did make it out alive but DS1 nearly didn't and the NHS failed spectacularly to provide my dd with any MH support let alone a diagnosis.

If using the term "mum" is about time restraints it's very very interesting that almost without exception every teacher or hcp has had time to comment about our unusual 17 letter surname and before that to comment about my foreign and complicated maiden name.

MarshaBradyo · 09/12/2018 13:17

It’s so often not required

If you could pls wait here and we’ll let you know when she’s ready doesn’t need Mum at the end.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2018 15:09

I admit it's weird, especially if they're older than you calling you Mummy but I just don't know that I could care enough. Maybe I'm institutionalised, all our support agencies for his additional needs did it. As long as they're caring for my child, and know who they need to talk decisions through with / who is signing consent, I really don't care if they call me Mom, Dad or squidgy bum

Printerneedsink · 09/12/2018 15:14

Flower777 It's a bit sad that you find it devaluing. I think it's just easier for people to say "mum and dad" rather than your names.

PatricksRum · 09/12/2018 15:17

This annoys me with my newborn.
HV: "is Mum taking you to baby sensory?"
"How's mum?"
Look, when I give birth to you you can call me mum. Until then, stop.

WarCat · 09/12/2018 15:24

Oops I do this at work for my patients' parents...and I'm a vet Grin

KOKOagainandagain · 09/12/2018 17:53

Would it be OK for a teacher or medical professional to claim that they have too many pupils or patients to use their name and for the sake of their memory simply use 'child' or 'girl' or 'boy'? If not, why not?

If your partner/husband/wife was in a coma or had significant dementia would it be OK for medical staff to call you wife/significant other/lesbian life partner as in 'how are you coping lesbian life partner?'

I have been to consultations with my son where his name is used but I am referred to as 'mum', not x's mum. This is not with a toddler and is when directly speaking to me whilst he is otherwise occupied or not even in the room so is not for the benefit of DS. This is inaccurate as I am not the mother of the person using the term and I am pretty sure that they have not forgotten my son's name because they have just used it and it is written down in front of them. If this is not about accuracy or reducing memory load, what is it about?

Your GP will not have committed your name to memory but will not refer to you to your face as 'patient' even though you are a patient.

OhTheRoses · 09/12/2018 17:59

I quite agree keepingon. I don't believe it has anything to do with load/numbers/ memory.

Maryann1975 · 09/12/2018 18:00

I’m a childminder and there is nothing more frustrating than when nursery staff (not so much the teachers at the school, but the nursery staff do my head in with this) call me mum. “Hello mummy, have you come to collect x”, “say goodbye to mummy before she goes”, etc. Some of them have been there for a long while (years) and I can’t believe they do not know I’m unrelated to every child I have taken to that place, it’s laziness, but it gets really repetitive to tell them each time “I’m not their mum, I’m their childminder”, but I do correct them, because it’s confusing to the children. One clever 4 year old did pick them up on it and ask why they kept calling me her mummy as I’m not, which was quite amusing though.

honestlynotagain · 09/12/2018 18:13

Get a life. It's not the end of the world. Perhaps they have forgotten your name or it's difficult to pronounce or lots of things really. Your gripe is stupid.

VeganCow · 09/12/2018 18:36

Never bothered me, helps put the kid at ease too

Karensbadger · 09/12/2018 19:03

Honestlynotagain and similar, please read Keepingon’s post. Please.

honestlynotagain · 09/12/2018 20:00

I did, thanks @karensbadger still don't see a problem with it. Just a gentle correction at the time would suffice if really necessary.

Mamabear4180 · 09/12/2018 20:07

I'm the opposite of you OP, I love being called mum. It's a great and important thing to be mum in a child's life and when people are dealing/talking with my children or to me about my children then referring to me as mum feels appropriate. It's a title not an insult! However if you don't like it then just say 'Mrs so and so' and be done with it.

OhTheRoses · 09/12/2018 20:16

But they never accept actually "my name is" mamabear there's always an eyeroll.

I too love being a mummy but I am only a mother to my dc and only they are entitled to call me mum.

honestly do you think it appropriate then that these super clever people who don't have time to check my name should trot out. ooh, that's a funny name, where does that come from then? What a mouthful.
If it wasn't anglo saxon it would be racist. Actually the comments about my maiden name were. "Ooh that's foreign, where's that from, oh German, is it Jewish?"

They way some of these people subordinate is unacceptable.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 09/12/2018 20:29

In my school very few of our “Mums” have the same surname as their children. Many have said “Please call me ‘Angie’” and others we do call Mum. We treat Dads the same. Never had any complaints.

At my DCs school it was unusual for Mum to not have the same surname (catholic school) as their child and us mums were referred to as Mrs Child’s surname.

HexagonalBattenburg · 09/12/2018 20:30

One teacher did it and drove me bloody barmy. Would even address you to your face as "X's mum"... addressed DH as his first name though - so I did tell her several times that she was driving me blooming barmy with it and she's stopped now! FFS the flipping Head calls me by my first name and I don't think any of the staff in school don't know me at least by my surname (I'm around doing stuff a lot - plus DD1 just walked up to random staff and introduced herself when she started there overly confident sod that she can be so she made an impression)

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 09/12/2018 20:31

I have 250 children’s names to remember, I really would struggle to learn all the different Mums names as well.

Isitweekendyet · 09/12/2018 20:36

Our doctors are AWFUL for it.

DS has weekly appointments and it's 'So Mum how has this week been?'
'How are Christmas plans, Mum?' 'Have we seen any improvement, Mum?'

My name is literally right in front of you on the screen. READ IT.

Karensbadger · 09/12/2018 20:44

Phew! I finally found this! It illustrates exactly why “mum” is such an irritant in a meeting situation.

[https://itmustbemum.wordpress.com/2017/03/26/im-not-mum/]