What will I do when my NCT friends go back to work?

[fixxle]

I'm really sad that all our catch ups will fizzle our! What will I do with myself?

I have made other friends but they'll be going back in six months and I'll be alone. Really scared.

Exactly the point most people on this thread have been making. Before the 'work is evil' brigade started lambasting people for even suggesting it.

Nothing wrong with staying home. Make friends in lots of different groups so you have backups if one group falls out or disappears.

Yabvu to call being a stay at home mum work though. Looking after your own child and house is not work.

I just don't understand why posters post such unpleasant sneering posts on threads.

I don't blame the OP for biting back a little.
I note it often the same posters who post like this in different threads. It's pathetic. (Nice bit of back peddling by some!)

OP, I think you just have to carrry on doing what you are doing. I moved to a new area when my eldest was about a year and knew no one. I joined groups and did activities and eventually found people I liked. The main thing is to keep busy every day and to make sure you are enjoying yourself. I used to treat being a Mum as a job and would try and be proactive in what I was doing. Sounds daft but it worked for me.

Also, one thing that helped me meet new people was being upfront about being short of friends. I'd explain I was new to the area and was looking for new friends. People seemed to respond well to it.

I did exactly the same as weeeee I told people I was new to the area and didn't know anyone.
I also took people up on their invitations even if I thought they were just bring polite ... I got a new best friend out of it!

You'll be fine. It's a bit silly getting so upset over people going back to work. Me and all my friends all work and still manage to meet up regularly and keep in touch. Eventually, some will have 2nd (and 3rd)babies and will go on maternity leave again. No point relying on one set of friends for support either, find a wide range and there will always be someone free.

I think the point is though that it's clear from OP's posts that she doesn't want to go back to work right now and she enjoys being a SAHP so suggestions of a job are a bit pointless.

Childcare is work! And hard work at that. Housework is called work for a reason too

It also may not be possible to go back to work depending on the logistics of the job. We don't all have grandparents providing free childcare.

The activities your child does will change and you will meet people in different places (eg toddler groups, preschool then school gate). And often if you’re at home, you tend by the nature of things to do things with other SAHPs or part time workers. For example, a baby ballet class at 1pm doesn’t have a lot of children whose parents are working as most of those children are in nursery. The preschool ran 9-12 termtime only, so wasn’t an option for someone needing full time childcare. It’ll happen naturally for you - please try not to worry.

No one is lambasting people for the mere suggestion of work but do you seriously think some of these posts were well meaning?

@snuggy neither do we. We have had to pay for all our childcare

Fuck me! What's with the virulent anti-SAHM sentiment going on here?

OP and her partner have made a decision that they're both happy with, and that decision is that she stays at home with their child for a few years. It affects not one of you an iota. It's a valid choice.

What the fuck's up with you all?

@BlaaBlaaBlaa Are you bitter about working and would rather be at home? Because that's what you sound like

Haha nope. Not one little bit. I flipping love my job. I chose to return to work.

I'm not judging anyone for choosing to be a SAHP. I've simply pointed out that the people suggesting the op thinks about getting a job weren't being completely ridiculous.
I do find those with a 'fuck work' attitude somewhat distasteful but that is entirely different to choosing to be a SAHP for a short while.

@haunted no not everyone was well meaning. I am though.
I found maternity leave isolating and lonely. I could have easily slipped into depression. Returning to work was the best thing for me and us as a family. Others have shared similar experiences. It's not a ridiculous suggestion.
It might not be the right thing for the op but it's worth mentioning as an option.
People seem to have taken this as an attack on SAHPs. That's not how I read it.

@BlaaBlaaBlaa So you think being a SAHP is fine 'for a short while'. What's wrong with permanently?

It very much depends on your reasons for it being permanent. Unless you have cast iron financial security I don't think it's wise.

I work part-time and go to toddler groups so in theory someone like me (and there are a lot of part-timers) and you could be friends, however I would be avoiding someone who told me their job is to be with their child. It's a real kick in the face to people who can't afford to stay at home. Not having a go just stating as you might want to adjust your wording to people IRL.

How is not a job? It's an occupation. And it's work

I do think waterrat's advice upthread also goes for the OP, who was needlessly rude to various posters and, despite her fear of impending loneliness, seems pretty able to stand up for herself (being 'purposefully aggressive'), as well as having what comes across as quite a high opinion of herself and her SAHM choices.

Getting a WOH job is one, very practical and effective, solution to the social isolation and loneliness OP fears. It's also useful in other arenas.

Idk why some pp are being so mean.

It's completely understandable you're worried anticipating change.

It probably won't be as bad as you think. I agree make a routine of doing x on Monday y on tues etc. If you keep going to stuff you will click with some new buddies eventually and they might go to work but some will be part time.

And for keeping up with your NCTs that's what WhatsApp is for

She wasn't needlessly rude, she just refused to take all the snarky comments without answering back and good for her.

I'd love to see more people doing it to be honest, there are so many rude snarky comments right from the start on so many threads on here atm it's getting a bit boring.

Usually the poor OP is reduced to tears or left feeling like crap so it's nice to see someone dishing it back out, even if you don't agree.

@twotees Working parents still do childcare (some part time and share with each other) and manage their housework and career.

Just because you couldn't cope with all three don't start taking down the hard work employed parents do.

Staying at home looking after children and housework can be tough, but it isn't a job so don't try and pass it off as one.

OP there are plenty of groups you can go along to which are for older children, you could also find some sort of activity for your child to do (like baby dance or gym) which would allow them to socialise and for you to meet other mums there.

This is entirely the problem. People thinking they work harder than others! Some people find working in an office markedly easier than being at home with children! I've done both, and working full time was easier than looking after a baby. Let's not make out that childcare is easy. It's just not.

Most office work involves a lot of sitting!