What will I do when my NCT friends go back to work?

[fixxle]

I'm really sad that all our catch ups will fizzle our! What will I do with myself?

I have made other friends but they'll be going back in six months and I'll be alone. Really scared.

Are you this aggressive in rl?

The horrible comments on this thread towards the OP because they are a SAHP are so pathetic. Why don't we all stop judging each other when you have no idea of someone's personal situation.
I mean, I could make some pretty harsh judgements on some of you posters based on the amount of bitterness in your comments, but I'm sure you would tell me I'm wrong.
In response to your question OP, toddler groups! There will be lots of people in your position :)

No I'm not as aggressive in real life. I'm just having fun with a couple of ridiculous posters that are assuming my whole life. And not adding anything remotely constructive.

I wasn't looking for a work/stay at home debate. Rather hearing from people that have also had their friends suddenly less available

OP I'm sorry you're getting so much shit on this thread. Don't rise to it.

I'm in a similar position. I wfh but it's very flexible and only really takes up a few hrs of my week so whilst I have got a job I spend 98% of my time with my 1yo. I agree that it's pretty lonely.

I didn't do NCT but made one mum friend (actually through MN) but she moved to the other side of the city and has now also gone back to work.

I agree with PP to get to some toddler groups. It's hard to pluck up the courage to chat to other mums or deviate from the 'how old/what's their name' script but I guess that's the only way to make friends. If you go often enough to a play group you'll see the same mums crop up so be brave and get talking. We're all in the same position of wanting someone to have a coffee with and chat to.

Are you in a city/town?

I went back to work full time when DT’s were six months (the maximum then). I don’t know anyone works less than full time but have friends from different aspects of life - don’t rely on NCT as your only connection to start with is having babies at the same time. What about pre baby friends, friends from when you were working, friends from hobbies, the gym etc

All these "get a job" people! If OP wants to be a SAHP and she and her partner are happy with that then why should she get a job.

Definitely start some toddler groups. I didn't go back to work until DS was 4 and it can be really isolating sometimes.

Why is OP being attacked? She might seem a bit precious to some but the venom is not called for at all. Playground bullies.

Also I made a big list of all the groups/clubs in my area by trawling the local mums Facebook page for clubs and groups that people recommend.
E.G
MONDAY:
Singing st the library: 10:30-11 free
Toddly tots at Christ church: 10-12:45 £2
Stay and play in town hall: 11-2:30 £3

TUESDAY:
Soft play at charity club: 11-4 £5
Dancing class in big church: 12-1 £6

And so on for the whole week. That way I can have a look and decide what would work within DSs nap times for that day and head to a group.
I've also just joined Mush and Peanut but they feel a bit like online dating for me!

I've joined a few other groups etc but they'll eventually go back! I'm just scared of being lonely because in the early days before I did something everyday I was very depressed. I don't want that happening again

Peanut is way too much like dating! And everyone looks too perfect!

I did have a good group of Nct friends for the first year (while on maternity leave), but for various reasons they fizzled out and I did have to make more effort once back at work to meet other friends.

The library normally has toddler sessions on, children's centre sessions for toddlers, museums, church groups are normally from babies up to 3 or even starting school!

Could you look for a term of classes for after Xmas? Your little one will be older then and if someone's signed up for the whole term they're likely to attend every week.

I found it really hard to start with, but now my little boys at school we have a whole new group of friends, most I've known since toddler groups and some I'm made through nursery that have carried onto school.

but they'll eventually go back!

Honestly, a large proportion either don't go back, or don't go back full time. You will not be alone. It just feels like that because this is the sorting-out stage. In another 3 months it will be much clearer who is going to be around what days - just keep going to groups and activities and it will fall into place.

I think you need to be really organised. Try to organise regular meet ups with NCT people when they go back.

Organise a morning activity most days, a class, a group or meet up.

This bit seems to last forever but it won't, when your baby is a little older and does playgroup school nursery etc it gets a lot easier.

If you regularly go weekly to the same classes or activities you'll soon get chatting to people.

I found this stage a little tough and looking back I think I should have got out more - DS was a terribly biter though so it wasn't easy.

There are some idiots on this thread.
Op, I have no advice but hope you have some decent suggestions in between all the people having a go.

Hiya! Just ignore people's responses.

Just to reiterate what others said. I became a stay at home mum after working full time for years. I have 4 children and always worked.
However my last baby was a surprise and i decided to stay at home with him. I never attended NCT but have always made friends with others at toddler groups etc.

I have the odd day where I feel
Lonely but then remember I chose to stay at home and be with him and o would not swap it. I may never go back to work. My life and my choice.

Hope it works out for you xx

And good for you for sticking up for yourself.

Plus like a PP said try your best to keep up with friends from all different stages of your life, if you can.

A meal out fee drinks without the babies if you can.

Go to toddler gym, swimming, craft sessions and make new friends. You will find it easier because your toddler will be making friends too.

@fixxle I honestly wouldn't lower yourself to get into the "go back to work " debate. It is sooooo mundane on here.

So in reply to your post, I think a PP makes a valid point that at around this point it will sort out who's going back and who isn't in different groups. Also trying to keep in touch on a Sunday morning or something would be lovely.

I think branching out is your main aim now. Try lots of different classes sing a long classes, swimming, story time, dancing, messy play at indoor play centres ( I personally hated communal messy play but I think that's just me as lots of the other girls take theirs ) and the library do story time sessions.

I am in a similar situation in that my son needs to be doing different things to other babies as he is slightly older than the others and has not been stimulated by the classes for a while so I am moving on 😟😟 we have a "diddie" collection of activities near us, my DS is starting diddie dance and diddie kicks

Good luck and I think it's a case of just putting yourself out there, I'm not sure about others but people don't glaze over when I have conversations as its not all baby related, some people may have glazed over at others even before their babies arrived.

Yes that's very true. It's really easy to start a conversation with someone when your toddlers are getting on together.

There are so many people in your boat. It can be lonely people are almost always really open to meeting up with others.

I can't believe some of the posts on this thread. I think it's perfectly understandable that you'd miss your close knit baby group and how on Earth that is selfish is beyond me.

And then to have a go at you for being aggressive. I don't think it's you that needs to "get a grip" OP.

Thank you to all the lovely comments!

And I'm going out tonight with a load of ex-colleagues for drinks which will be nice. It's nice to have some time away from the baby to be myself!

I think in a couple of months we can join the toddler groups instead of just the baby groups. At least where I live there is tonnes to do. I should also do swimming but it just seems like such a massive faff!

@fixxle yeah swimming for us (DS 15 months now, 6months when we started) when we first started seemed like alot ** of faff, but once you have been a few times you find your own little routine. It's like a military operation lol but well worth it .....good luck

I can assure those bristling on the OP's behalf that I meant nothing aggressive at all with my suggestion that the OP goes back to work. She seems to be both surprised and thrown into a existential crisis by the fact that her NCT group are all going back to work, but it is after all, one of her options. My entire NCT group went back to work -- it's not exactly an unusual life decision.

I remember the feeling. I'm going out with my NCT group tomorrow night and we met nearly 7 years ago now (only 6 of us as 2 didn't keep in touch). I was the last one to go back to work (DD was 18m and I only went back pt). We'd spent so much time together during those first 6 months and it was sad when everyone started going back. 3 went back pt so still saw them seperately. By the time I went back to work pt one of the group had had her second baby and there are 13 children between us now. A few of us shared second and third pregnancies and leaves together.

My point is, it's not the end.

In the meantime just try different groups. I only made two real friends outside of my NCT group but I had plenty of people to just chat to over a cuppa at toddlers. Then my eldest started school and I made a seperate group of friends.

Also, ignore the "get a job crew". I've worked ft, pt and stayed home over the past 7 years, all depending on circumstances at the time. I'd have a job if I wanted or needed one as would you.

Once you get to the 12 month mark most of the mums who are going back to work at the end of maternity leave will have done so, so most of the mums will likely be around until their DC hit nursery age. This will give you a chance to make friends that aren't going to vanish.

It happens, it's a transition stage.