Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What will I do when my NCT friends go back to work?

178 replies

fixxle · 28/11/2018 19:03

I'm really sad that all our catch ups will fizzle our! What will I do with myself?

I have made other friends but they'll be going back in six months and I'll be alone. Really scared.

OP posts:
Mainie · 29/11/2018 10:41

Also, ignore the "get a job crew". I've worked ft, pt and stayed home over the past 7 years, all depending on circumstances at the time. I'd have a job if I wanted or needed one as would you.

I don't think there's anything wrong with pointing out that this is an option if the OP is really not happy. The tone of some of her posts ('What will I do with myself?' and being 'really scared' and references to depression) suggests she hadn't considered that many or most people in her group were going to making different decisions, so no harm in saying that, regardless of what she'd planned, if she turns out not to be happy as a SAHM, the workplace is still there.

Personally, I hated maternity leave, and only felt fully comfortable as a parent once I'd resumed my professional identity. It's not an unusual experience.

AgentCooper · 29/11/2018 10:42

I'm back at work part time and still see friends who are off the same days as me on Mondays and Fridays. And for the rest of the time I second what others say - find some new groups, there will undoubtedly be mums in a similar position to you Flowers

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 29/11/2018 10:43

Some harsh comments on here.

If my husband was happy for me to live off him I'd do it in a flash! Fuck working.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 29/11/2018 10:45

If my husband was happy for me to live off him I'd do it in a flash! Fuck working Wow ....what an awful attitude

NerrSnerr · 29/11/2018 10:53

In our area there are many parents that work part time and go to groups on their days off. There are some SAHP around as well. In real life no one is horrible enough to openly judge you for your childcare choices.

I'm sure you'll get into a routine OP.

pinkhorse · 29/11/2018 10:55

You are very defensive and abrupt to posters genuinely trying to offer advice.
Going back to work is a great suggestion. Many of my friends were bored and lonely staying at home and getting a job was the best thing they could have done for their mental health.

Don't any friends (other than NCT friends) have young children, do you have family around?

RiverTam · 29/11/2018 10:59

I found it very difficult when this happened to me, at about 10 months. I did manage to keep in touch on people's days off but it was a big change. I didn't really make friends at toddler groups, people always seemed to go with someone they knew so I found it hard to break in - or lots of childminders who again, knew other childminders.

I went to a lot of groups with DD but never really connected in the way I had with my NCT friends, we got on really well. I also almost certainly had PND and was very anxious about everything to do with DD.

It was a hard time. I wouldn't go back to that for the world.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2018 11:02

If my husband was happy for me to live off him I'd do it in a flash! Fuck working.

And the prize for most passive aggressive comment on the thread, goes to thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Star

StealthPolarBear · 29/11/2018 11:06

Agree that get a job is an option, I have no problems with people who pointed that out.

starkid · 29/11/2018 11:08

I agree, the library and toddler groups are best. You can still go now even if your baby is a tad young, they'll still enjoy seeing the other little ones and the toys, and you can chat to the others who don't work on that particular day at least.

All the 'get a job' messages are ridiculous by the way!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 29/11/2018 11:10

It's not ridiculous to suggest getting a job. It is an option after all and would solve some of the things the OP is worrying about.
Nobody is say she HAS to ...just offering it up as option.

RiverTam · 29/11/2018 11:58

but she has made the decision to be a SAHM, and is pondering the change that's going to happen.

Not everyone can sail into a baby group and make friends. They can be - not exactly cliquey, but hard to break into.

I went to the same church group every week for 3 years and never made a friend. The group was lovely, DD liked it, the people running it were great - but I never made friends with anyone. Ditto the music group we went to, and baby sensory...

RandomUsernameHere · 29/11/2018 12:03

Try and have at least one class or group to go to every morning. This will keep your DC busy and give you a chance to meet people. If there's a local Facebook group for parents you could try posting on there as there are bound to be others in a similar situation.

Sorry to see you have received some nasty, bitter comments on this thread, try and ignore them.

Original poster
fixxle · 29/11/2018 12:06

A few things:

@limpetry I'm neither surprised, nor thrown into an 'existential crisis'. How you got that from a couple of posts is beyond me. And yes, you were rather aggressive.

Maybe I will end up going back to work - doesn't change the fact that I like life the way it is at the moment and it's a shame that it's coming to a close rather soon, and in an abrupt way.

I don't 'live off' my husband. We decided well before I got pregnant that I would be the primary, if not sole, care giver. After all, we decided to have him and I believe that I am the best person to look after him. He will go to nursery when he is around maybe 15/18 months, but not now. I realise some people have to or want to go back to work and I haven't said my decision is better than anyone else's.

I will repeat that I do work - I work in our home bringing up my child and looking after the house. It's unpaid work, but it's work.

@pinkhorse - I have been purposefully aggressive to some posters, yes. But they started it, so ner ner ner nerrr nerrrrr

Also, trying to get my son into nursery around here will be a nightmare, and just 'getting' a job really isn't that easy as I would have to be very specific about which days etc I would want to work.

I also realise that I'm indeed rising to, and biting at all the negative comments. I also find myself justifying to complete strangers my decision to stay at home. I know this is ridiculous!

OP posts:
pinkhorse · 29/11/2018 13:44

I honestly can't see anyone that has been aggressive apart from you op.

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2018 14:14

I also see you as being the very aggressive poster on here.

As you sunk into a depression before you developed this friendship group, then going back to work is not some hideous cruel suggestion.

Being a stay at home mum can be depressing, lonely, monotonous for many, I couldn't have done it and there is no shame in struggling with it and preferring work.

sohypnotic · 29/11/2018 16:55

I'm lucky in that my NCT group are mostly going back part time and will hopefully be able to meet still, most just starting back now. Also have no non-mum friends in the area. My baby is 13 months but I'm currently unemployed, but will have to start job hunting soon Confused

My local NCT group are always asking for volunteers to help run the 'buggy walks' in the park, and local coffee mornings. Yes you would probably be meeting a string of new people who will eventually end up back at work - but not all, and there would be other regular volunteers. Plus as the mum of an older baby you can be helpful to the new mums. I would potentially like to do this once my work situation is sorted.

Howhot · 29/11/2018 17:11

OP you posted saying you're going to be alone, don't know what to do with yourself and that you're 'really scared'. I dont think it's fair to be aggressive at those suggesting you get a job in that case, a job is great for keeping up with adult interaction. It's a reasonable response. If that's not for you just find some new groups. What about baby swimming? Or other group activities?

PouchofDouglas · 29/11/2018 20:12

Gah. Being at home isn’t work. It’s just life

Go get s real job with fun and colleagues and lunch without kids

MarthasGinYard · 29/11/2018 20:15

Don't be 'abusive' to the OP😲

EdWinchester · 29/11/2018 20:22

You said you were scared, some people suggested getting a job.

Being a SAHM can be isolating and deathly dull.

No need to be defensive. And it's not a 'job' to be at home. Really, it isn't.

BitchQueen90 · 29/11/2018 20:24

Bringing up a child isn't "work", it's a life choice. I'm not bashing, I was a SAHM for 4 years but it wasn't my "work" and I would never have described it as such.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/11/2018 20:25

I think a combination of seeing if some of your friends go part time and making plans for their days off and moving on to toddler groups to find mums in a similar position.

There are some very bitter people on this thread. I also agree with whoever said fuck working Grin

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 29/11/2018 20:53

Yeah fuck working....fuck contributing to society, paying taxes, securing your future and paying into a pension 🙄 who wants to do that??

EssentialHummus · 29/11/2018 21:36

I went through this fairly recently and it was tough TBH, and it took me by surprise. What works for me:

  • Rough routine for every day.
  • Vague awareness of who is working or free when.
  • Making friends where you can - it's not foolproof, but you can slowly meet people / chat with parents that have same age DC and this is particularly recommended at groups that are very local to you, since you're more likely to meet people from the immediate vicinity.
  • List of things that are enjoyable when it's just the two of you (DD and I have little coffee and fruit dates in the local cafe when other plans fall through).

I learnt quickly that the worst thing for me was waking up and realising that it was just me and DD, together at home for the next 12+ hours... so outings, classes, shopping, errands, meetups etc become useful ways to structure the day.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.