What will I do when my NCT friends go back to work?

[fixxle]

I'm really sad that all our catch ups will fizzle our! What will I do with myself?

I have made other friends but they'll be going back in six months and I'll be alone. Really scared.

Some of you sound nice.

wow what spiteful comments. the OP didn't ask for advice on whether or not to go back to work.

And this isn't AIBU.

Can't you let people have a space for gentle conversation? Without people jumping in with mean and aggressive comments?

Not all NCT groups drift apart after the first year. Out of 6 families, 5 of us are still good friends 12 years later and we regularly meet up and go camping through out the year. Most of us went back to work full time so it was important to plan regular weekend catch ups. Create a whatsapp or facebook group if you don't already have one and it really helps if your DP / DH's are also friendly.

How active is NCT in your area? In my area there is a facebook group where you can chat to other parents and meet ups are advertised. If there are regular meet ups then see if some of your friends will come along to a couple before they go back to work so you don't have to go alone.

Also look to see if there are any organised activity baby classes in your area such as ARTventurers or Music Bugs, it's less pressurised if you are doing something with your baby and casually chatting to other parents.

Please remember there is a real person out there behind the keyboard.

If you were able to make friends at an NCT group you will be able to make friends just as easily at a toddler group.

I have awful social anxiety and forced myself to go to groups for my DDs but I didn't make any friends as I was far too shy to approach anyone.

This isn't the case for you by the sounds of it so I think if you try some new groups you'll be absolutely fine and make new friends. I wish I could be like that!

I stand by the fact that people suggesting the op considers getting a job were actually making a useful suggestion. It's no less worthy of other suggestions that have been made.

I do find those promoting a 'fuck work' attitude particularly distasteful. It comes across as laziness and if it were coming from a man the word 'cocklodger' would have made an appearance. It's very different from someone deciding to to be a SAHP for a short while.

That may have been the intention but a lot of posts come across as spiteful. Missing a group of friends isn't necessarily going to be solved by going back to work in any case, I'm sure there were other factors behind the decision too. Hope it all works out well OP.

I didn't detect any kind thoughts about the OP coming through on some of those posts.

I think people are back pedalling now.

I'm so glad so many people thought to let the OP know she could get a job.

She probably had no idea that women could work, posting from her Ipad in 1876.

Op isn't a "cocklodger" though and no one looking after a baby could ever be called one.

Become an online gamer.

Fixxle I’m not sure why people are being so unkind. But you are also getting good advice - toddler groups are a great way to meet people. And maybe organize a monthly meet up with the nct crew, perhaps a Sunday lunch?

Well, I'm sure the OP and her partner have considered their situation and if she should get a job just now and made a decision based on those considerations. A bunch of internet randoms shouting 'go get a job' probably isn't going to change their decision. It's not what the thread is about, it's just another excuse for some to do a bit of SAHM bashing (oh and I'm not one). They love it.

Err maybe because many of us would pay out more in childcare costs than we would earn? Not all jobs are special and we know we are easily replaced? Maybe not all contributions to society are financial?

And let's be honest if work was so great no one would retire.

Not everyone who works pays tax either. I work part time and earn just over the threshold for tax so only pay minuscule amounts. Will be nothing by the time I return to work (mat leave) as they have just increased the tax free allowance again.

@veggie I never called the OP a cocklodger 🙄 I was referring to the posters who quite openly state if they could convince someone to let them 'live off them' they would "fuck work'

Choosing to be a SAHP for a short while is completely different to opting out of the labour market because of ' fuck work' attitude and expecting someone else to provide for you.

@snuggy yeah that's why people retire.. they hate work 🙄
In my profession many people officially retire but continue to work on a very part time basis. Not everyone hates work. Lots of us love what we do.

To go back to your original point op (!) I did go back to work part time as did my friends, but we found mostly we didn't have the same day off. I had a Monday off so I sought out the one person I knew that also had Monday and hung out with her. She knew a couple of others so in a short time I had a new group of mum friends. Find out their days off and go from there.
Weird that people are telling you to get a job when you've obviously made a decision to be a sahp and you can afford to do so.

People are suggesting a job as an option. It's just as valid as suggesting she goes to toddler groups. Many, many posters have shared their experiences of feeling lonely, scared and miserable and explained how going back to work helped them with those feelings. Why is that a terrible thing? It doesn't mean working parents are all anti SAHP.... Not sure the reverse can be said though.

Yeah fuck working....fuck contributing to society, paying taxes, securing your future and paying into a pension 🙄 who wants to do that??

The op said she has worked since she was 17. She's taking a bit of time out with a young child, I'm sure she will work again and pay her tax and pension.

@fixxle I think some posters have been very harsh!
As a first time mum, you can get very absorbed by your NCT group, as you have ready made support there. It's easy to panic when that vanished.

We moved away when our little boy was 5 months old, and I had to make a new "mum" life for myself. It was hard! I now go to three groups a week, and have three mums I see regularly. My little boy is about to turn one, so I also had a massive panic when I realised that the new friends I'd made were talking about going back to work! Although they have only gone back part time.

I've quit my job - I also have a husband who can support us, so I'm just taking an elongated mat leave. I will go back at some point, as don't fancy staying at home forever. I tend to go to groups / courses you have to pay slightly more for, as they tend to mean smaller groups and easier to get to know people. In March he will be starting two mornings a week at nursery too, so hopefully get to know some parents there.

I think you just have to plough on. In the next few months, everyone who is going back to work will have gone back, and you'll know who you're left with and what your life is going to look like. If you don't like it at that point, make some changes.

Good luck.

Again....I wasn't referring to the op. I was referring to posters who specifically use that phrase. RTFT

Many people do hate work. Many jobs are crap and will always be crap. I see work as a necessary but crap part of life. It doesn't mean I don't pull my weight at work.

Many people would happily give up work if the opportunity arose.

But not all @snuggy. Many people have jobs and careers they love. Don't assume that work is a necessary evil for everyone. It's important especially when talking about jobs and careers to children.

I'm not assuming anything for everyone. Some people love their jobs, others don't but it provides an honest living and some jobs do neither.

It also sometimes helps to alleviate loneliness and other times doesn't. Depends on where you work and what your colleagues are like.