What is the craziest rumour you’ve heard about yourself.

[Kissel]

I saw this on Buzzfeed and thought it was interesting. What is the craziest/funniest rumour you have heard about yourself?
I once heard I was a gogo dancer (I was in high school at the time) and my students once spread a rumour I had ran away to Prague.

That I ran the London Marathon in sub 2 hours (DS proudly announced it in sharing assembly)-I'm unfit, overweight and haven't run for about 18 years

My mother told everyone I chain smoked and was an alcoholic.

I don't drink because even a thimble full would have me collapse in tiredness (I don't process alcohol like other people) and I have never smoked.

Apparently denial was a sign I was actually doing these things and was lying to myself.

I was also easily led astray and shoplifted but hadn't been caught yet.

I should add my mother spent most of my childhood in the local mental health facility.

For my 18th I threw a big party and every single person got me an ash tray.

I was very very upset. My mother had told them all to buy me an ashtray so I could finally admit I smoked and it didn't matter as everyone knew.

There was a rumour I was a witch and my father was a warlock.

I definitely wasn't a witch. No idea about my father because I hadn't seen him since I was a baby

i was dead, on drugs and a prostitute

In that order, I hope? That would be one heck of a rumour!

I feel quite lucky after reading all of these. I was poorly at work, fainted and banged my head and had to go for a check-over in A&E. When I returned to work an hour or so later, the kids I work with looked gobsmacked and revealed that rumours had escalated the event to a car crash and a coma. Got to love a good 60-minute school corridor inflation!

Apparently I was a "whore" i don't know if this was amateur or professional. When I was about 16 i was in a pub with my male friend. His much older, married with 4 kids brother came up to me and offered me a fiver to go outside with him. I said no and said to my friend wtf. The brother was really angry and spread more rumours about me that i was a prostitute - because I hadn't had sex with him for a fiver. I was really upset because I was very close to my male friend and his mum and dad.

Living in a small gossipy hometown and being a bit weird meant I got to listen to some very bizarre stuff about myself.

Some context: Outing but I don't care since those who have judged me on this have long since proved their worth.

I was involved in an incident when I was 8 with a older boy. Nothing much happened I just thought it was something like hid and seek but it turned out that the older boy was suspect of sexual offences. Not it was inappropriate to mess around but the punishment I got was so disproportionate, my parents were only given the most nebulous explanation. But the crowning turd in the water pipe was the deputy head READING OUT My PUNISHMENT in an assembly. ( this was pre-Data Protection btw)

So this is where the rumours started like I did a strip tease, that I had sex with all the boys in my class. It was the start of my social exclusion which lasted until my GCSE years.

Still it was a valuable lesson in being wary of authority figures and that people will pick the truth that suits them evidence be damned.

I was a devil worshiper (at school). Not sure why 🤔

I had two affairs which is why I split with exp, one with a taxi driver (yuck) and one with a female friend. Neithere were true we split because he was a lazy, ea, financially abusive twat who made my skin crawl at the last.

I was working and claiming benefits (also not true but he was so that backfired)

I only married dh for his money (veg farmer so that wouldn't have worked out too well )

I probably should add I'm sure there are lovely taxi drivers just this one wasn't

@scarbados of your username is any hint of your location I know exactly what you mean. Many here never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

@scarbados of your username is any hint of your location I know exactly what you mean. Many here never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Ha! I used to live there too and that sounds all too familiar.

I had been kicked out by my mum for being a lesbian. I still lived at home and had a boyfriend.

@Armchairanarchist and @Jengnr

You were right about the name but I wasn't living here then - still back in West Yorkshire. You're so right about this town, though!

As one of my friends describes it - 'the perfect place to live if you think you might be going gaga because if you get to the stage where you don't know what you're doing, every other bugger in town will'.

That I'd slept with someone at the Christmas party IN a tree. Actually in it. I imagine they meant up on the branches. Firstly HOW. Someone saw us apparently. Not true in any sense, I was 18 and mortified.

I have been suggested to be a spy, a closet Tory, amongst other things.

That I sexually assaulted my ex-husband in order to get pregnant.

My ex-husband started that rumour. His memory is obviously terrible because I remember quite clearly that he was a very enthusiastic participant.

I got the lesbian rumours too, but at the time I (a) didn't care since I was functionally asexual and (b) I realised I was bi by my late teens. Once some younger girls shouted Lesbian at me - I shouted "YOU WISH!" back at them - cue chorus of screams.

That I was having a fling with the (plump, mustachio'd, middle-aged) security guard at my work. I was a lithe 20yo at the time, and married. But I was guilty of taking too many fag breaks, with him in tow. And I'm sure he was trying to get in my pants (going on and on about how he loved going down on women ). I'd shut that shit RIGHT down nowadays.

Quite a few. My most favourite, which I didnt deny, tho I'm pretty sure of its origins, is that I'm related to the Royal Family

In fact, I'm planning a pre-christmas open house drinks party for my neighbours, and if poundland have any tiaras I may, just may, buy one. Shan't wear it, of course, cos that would be ostentatious, just hang it casually on the coatstand or something.....

JohnMcCain Once some younger girls shouted Lesbian at me - I shouted "YOU WISH!" back at them - cue chorus of screams.

That is awesome!

So many of us have had the lesbian/slut one. Almost always started by men we didn't want to sleep with.

Ha - I thought women were meant to be the bitchy ones. Men are much bitchier IMO.

Absolutely. Anyone who doesn't think men don't bitch have never been in a male dominated University society. Particularly if it's role playing.

Yup, I've had the lesbian one too. Its so easy isn't it? One day, I lost my shit and just said well, actually I dress down and wear jeans cos I was sexually abused as a child by such and suchs grandad and I've spent my whole life trying not to be noticed in a sexual manner. But hey, judge away if it makes you feel better about your sad little life.
That worked.
Then there was a lovely social media witchhunt/allegations of cruelty made against me by sad small town twats whose lives are so boring they have to create drama to feel good about themselves. So that was interesting. Police sorted it, it got so ridiculous I'm still chuckling about it yet. Malicious rumours are the worst, spiteful little people with miserable little lives making up stories so they get a bit of attention.
Still, all part of living in a small town. Fortunately, I have grown a thick skin.
Its fair to say I don't listen to rumours, never have done. I just take people on whether they are kind/polite or not.

My husband groomed me!!!! There is 7 years between us and I met him when I was 30

My dh’s ‘friend’ told people that I had told him( the friend) that I was after my dh’s money.
I didn’t even speak to this man . He simply made it up
He is now an ex friend