What is the craziest rumour you’ve heard about yourself.

[Kissel]

I saw this on Buzzfeed and thought it was interesting. What is the craziest/funniest rumour you have heard about yourself?
I once heard I was a gogo dancer (I was in high school at the time) and my students once spread a rumour I had ran away to Prague.

when i was 18 i broke up with my 30 year old boyfriend (also my boss!) of 2 years as it had run its course. 3 months later i transferred offices at work and moved 400 miles to get away from everything. once there i had to ring the old office regularly for client questions and noticed that a few of the office girls were decidedly frosty to me. 6 months later a new collague and me were on a girls night when she decided to "finally ask" about the rumours...

turns out i had got pregnant by my ex (boss), asked him for $2000 for an abortion and then asked him for a transfer as it was too painful to be around him. He then found out I was never pregnant and had done him over after he had agreed the transfer and I was $2000 better off.

Absolute bollocks. Spread by my ex of course. And the fact it was bullshit didnt stop him using the "poor me" act to sleep with multiple of my ex friends colleagues though! dickhead.

That I had had an affair - spread round by the other woman's mother, and repeated back to my DF.
The woman who was spreading it was supposedly a 'pillar of the church'.
I rather think she was subscribing to the 'if you throw enough mud some of it will stick' vein of thought.
Luckily for her, I didn't find out about it until it was too late to do anything about it, otherwise I would have had a word with a church warden that I personally knew, and asked him to set her straight. The embarrassment for her would have been a wonderful thought for me.
As it was, I chose to rise above it but it's always there as ammunition if I need it.

That my best friend and I were a lesbian couple. We were both boy-mad and best friend had an astounding number of lovers - all male! No buzz cuts or fondness for Tracy Chapman either...totally baffled about where the rumour originated.

When I was in lower fifth (year 10 I think that equates to), two of the most studious and universally adored girls in my year told my head of year (and every other people in the school pretty much) that I was in fact on drugs Not only was this complete news to me, but I was hauled in to the pastoral care office and “offered” a sabbatical to attend a detox centre - all of this went on before they thought to contact my parents. Up until this point I’d been one of the highest achieving female students at my prestigious independent school.

I was really ill at the time suffering constant migraines, heavy periods and resultant anaemia... the stress of what felt like everyone in the school (and their parents) thinking I was a drug addict lead to such bad depression and school refusal that I completely bombed my GCSE’s and the first exams of my A-Levels and lost any chance of attending medical school at 18. They basically destroyed my life at the time, and the irony is that one of these girls went on to be a Police Officer.

It took me almost half a decade to rebuild what was tore down through rumour and probably jealousy. I lost nearly every friendship I had, and attempted suicide multiple times, it was absolutely horrendous. I finally dragged myself out of my depression, achieved well at college and graduated with a first class nursing degree.

I started to attend alumni events as nursing is extremely under represented at my school, and one of my former teachers looked like he’d seen a ghost. Turns out Miss Busy-body turned police officer spread a rumour that I’d successfully committed suicide when I didn’t return after my breakdown in the half term of lower 6th

Sue that bitch for libel.

I know you can't but I'm 😡 for you.

That I’d converted to Islam. That was my grandma being slightly deaf. Only discovered when my mum visited her and one of my grandma’s friends asked whether I wore a hijab.

When I worked for a ferry company I apparently stole money from the till, it was another colleague, we did look similar I returned home to receive a letter about a disciplinary meeting in HR. At this this meeting I pointed out it was not possible I had stolen the money as 1 I am not a thief....but we have you on camera .....errrm ok cool but I was even in the country! Here look at my boarding pass.....Oh yes I travelled to Amsterdam the day before you have me on camera oh and look at these time stamped photos....ahh and finally my approved leave paper work!

I add the HR are member insistent on me being on camera was also the person who signed my leave papers and was supposed to come to Amsterdam with me but transferred their ticket to her cousin!!!

A male acquaintance misunderstood me when I said that I was quite rebellious as a teen.

I meant stroppy and disobedient to my parents and teachers.

He translated it in his head as 'slept around'.

We had some mutual friends as teens but I had no recollection of meeting him then (decades ago), even though we were likely to have been in the same place at the same time in my small hometown.

Some how he is convinced that I slept with him and even told his wife.

We didn't and I put home straight in front of her.

So we went from 'I was a bit gobby' to 'here love, this is one I shagged' in his muddled fantasist head. Weirdo.

That i’d taken acid and was crazy... [abusive ex’s cover story]

On a work trip to Paris just before a posh dinner, one of the Directors had a heart attack, I was asked to call the the ambulance and go to hospital with him and deal with the doctors etc, oh, and keep it all quiet, which I did. Once I knew he was ok, settled, his wife's flight was organised, and he was not in any danger I went back to the venue, absolutely exhausted, so I could get the coach back with the rest of the delegates - everyone was looking at me in a wink wink nudge nudge way, I couldn't tell anyone where I'd been - anyway it turned out that one of the women had been telling everyone I'd met a couple of sailors on the Champs Elysee and run off with them! I thought it was quite funny, but the HR director didn't, and she got sacked. Ah well, she was a bit of a cow....Je ne regrette rien!!!

That my DD was being removed at birth because I was crazy And being given straight to STBXH. That him and ExDP had “teamed up” and my other DDs were already in the care of ExDP

They were not.

I kicked his abusive alcoholic ass OUT. He was homeless. Not working. Would periodically turn up to scream abuse at me and would be removed by the police.

He was friends with a woman - who worked with a friend of mine.

Other corkers he told were -

• He’d given me hundreds of pounds for baby items and I’d spent it all getting drunk

• That I’d been sectioned and that’s why he couldn’t go to any scans or be at the birth

Then when baby was born and she wasn’t removed from me and given to him

• That the baby had died

He’s such a piece of shit.

I turned up at an agency placement after six months away and the staff member who met me told me "you're walking very well considering".
"Considering what, Bob?"
"After having a leg off".
"WTF!"
It turned out that my minor op to correct my ankle and repair a tendon had been inflated into a full above the knee amputation.

I'm sure there must have been rumours about me but i don't recall ever having heard any of them. I think I'm probably grateful for this despite immense curiosity. I'd rather live in blissful ignorance.

That myself and my then new partner were caught shagging in the toilet in my local pub, but not before we both injected heroin and our blood scooshed right up the wall, and we shagged beside the blood, of course where else?!

I am actually an ex heroin addict but I smoked it and never injected it, and I never smoked it out with a house, usually my own. My then partner was after the heroin addiction, and I think the guy who worked in the local pub made this up because I told him that I hated the landlady of said pub, not knowing that she was his sister until well after I had said it so his rumour was obviously my karma!

That I was moving house.

Neighbour came and asked me as they were fretting about who might move in instead!

A few years ago 2 men were chatting in a local shop, and we know the shopkeeper very well. They were talking about home extensions and in particular ours for some reason.

One of them said “have you heard about Kahlua’s building work? They have had solid gold taps fitted in their bathroom!”.

Goodness knows where they got the idea that we had that sort of money to invest in a small house!

I feel like I'm the subject of fake rumours. I live in a small community where we have not long moved to from another small community not far away. I've been having some strange experiences. Its hard to describe but I usually get along with people but I've had people ignoring me and acting strange around me and I really feel like someone's been trying to destroy my life. We had problems with DH ex wife and my exP who we know are both very jealous and have tried to split us up, even though they were both the parties that caused the original splits before we got together. How do you find out if someone has been trying to destroy your reputation? I have no evidence at the moment other than people acting strangely. It's a really horrible feeling. So many things have happened over past few years, too many to go into detail.

Years ago, when I was a size 8-10 and a naturally small eater, that I was anorexic. Story had been going around for months before I heard of it. I was temporarily speechless.
Started by a so called friend - one of those people who are permanently on a diet they never stick to - who apparently thought I had to be anorexic, since I declined biscuits at her house.

They were probably custard creams, which I don't like anyway.
(Nobody would ever imagine me to be anorexic now.)

That I don't work and DH is very part time. Apparently we made our money on some internet business in our 20s and are totally loaded. We both work full time and have never had an internet business!

Apparently on Christmas Eve, 1992, I had a baby. The alleged father was a man I'd spoken to once at a party but the rumour mill claimed I'd been having an affair with him for 2 years since the party.

I found out who'd started the rumour but never managed to work out why.

I've had a couple of rumours spread about me - the first was that I was completely insane and abusive to my ex (it was obviously the other way and it was him who was arrested and charged by the police) but meant that our 'mutual friends' never really spoke to me again. The other really random one was that I was caught at the stables rolling around on the sofa having fun with a lesbian woman (she was a good friend of mine). That one was completely and utterly made up! And I'm not sure why. My partner at the time confronted the parent of the girl who said it, but I never got an explanation or an apology.

I was a practising witch.

That I became pregnant to 'trap' my then fiancee. This rumour was started by a stalker. Baby was actually planned and we had been trying for 5 months or so.

That I was pregnant while at school and over the 6 week holiday I had said baby. I was 12!
I had been seen pushing a prom with my new born baby brother