to tell my friend to sod off with her helpful husband!

[QwertyLou]

Thanks for the amazing advice before & this is my last question on this party I promise (its on Sunday so it better be)!!

My son (nearly 4) is going through an arty-crafty stage. He loves painting more than anything. So I wasn't surprised when he announced he wanted to do painting "with my friends for my WHOLE party!"

So we're doing some painting at his party (15 mins or so), along with lots of other fun things. Just little plaster rockets and spaceships, one for each child to paint and they take it home.

When I mentioned this to a friend she made a horrified face... "Painting... for boys??" And recommended I scrap it for a football session, perhaps with the man from her son's party.

I hadn't even realised that painting was considered "un-manly" and boys were not supposed to enjoy it... is that a thing?

My son enjoyed the football session, but not enough to want the same thing. Plus it was an hour-long session - I'd have to scrap half the party! Which I explained to my friend.

Unbeknownst to me she gave my no. to Football Man who contacted me, so I explained myself again and thought that was it. But no.

Yesterday my friend announced that she has kindly lined up her husband ("John") to do a football activity "in parallel" with the painting. So her son and other boys can do football while anyone else is painting.

I said that of course John, would be welcome to play football with their son during the painting if they want. No child, boy or girl, will be compelled to paint a plaster rocket against their will! We'll be in the back garden with plenty of things to do.

But I really do not want John to announce an official "Come on kids line up over here!!" activity just as the painting is starting. The whole idea is to bring everyone (or most people) together for a quieter activity they can enjoy as a group - then we'll have the cake.

And my son is really excited about painting with his friends. I keep finding him in the kitchen, gazing longingly up at all the paint stuff. If they all race off to play football, it will defeat the whole purpose [delete](plus I'll be left with a mountain of plaster rockets)[delete].

I explained all this to my friend but she was having none of it.

She said John was more than happy to do it, it would be fun, it was important to let "boys be boys" and she knows it must be hard for me as a single mum to cater for boys, hence her lining up John.

We were both getting our sons into the car after nursery and she drove off after that.

So as it stands, John is "kindly" doing this official activity on Sunday.

I don't want him to, but what do I say to make that clear without offending anyone?

Part of me feels a bit ungrateful too. We single mothers of boys are constantly berated by society to ensure our sons have good male role models (GMRM) or they will turn into anti-social, drug-taking juvenile delinquents.

And lo and behold, here one is - a GMRM - volunteering something!
And am I gratefully accepting? No, I am saying no (trying to)!

So 'Lucy' is your CF's daughter and when she wanted a party with slugs and snails and soil she got......a pamper party ?

And painting is too girly for 4-year-old boys and they have to play football instead, according to CF?

This woman is not just a CF, she's a fuckwit as well.

Bit of a derailment but I am so sad that so many people can't think of any female artists. There are some wonderful female painters and it is sad that so many talented women still don't get the recognition they deserve.

Most British people have heard of Charles Rennie Mackintosh but how many of them are aware of his wife Margaret McDonald Mackintosh and her huge contribution to the Glasgow style. Very sad.

Evelyn De Morgan's pre-raphaelite paintings are wonderful but much less well known than male artists of the same movement. Elizabeth Sidall, another female pre-raphaelite seems to be better known as Rosetti's muse than as an artist in her own right.

But back to the point, your friend is being a dick. Of course boys can paint their penis won't fall off if they go a whole hour without playing football. You need to tell her firmly that there is to be no football. If her DH turns up get him painting too.

Surely it's not either painting rockets or football? Obviously the party should be based on what your son wants but I really can't imagine 4 year olds concentrating on painting for 15 minutes unless you've got a lot of helpers. It sounds a bit fiddly.

You really don't want the advice of some numpty that thinks it's appropriate for a 5 year old girl to have a pamper party.

I have 2 boys. Both love football. They also love crafts and would enjoy either party - although at 4 /5 years old, trying to get them to play football is like herding cats.

Your 'friend' is rude and bossy. She has some weird ideas and is trying to spoil your son's party because of her own prejudice. It's his party and is nothing to do with her. Tell her and her husband to FTFO.

I'm so angry on your behalf!

I am incensed on your behalf that a friend (and another mother) would blatantly go against your wishes for what your son wants at HIS party. Painting is awesome and the mother is probably scared he'll get paint on his clothes. Stick to your guns.

Oh and by the way I am going to do a BIG rain dance on Sunday so that keeps them all inside - who wants to join me? 😂 just in case

OP with the greatest of respect for you, they will take the piss out of him.

What on Earth does this mean? Your son should have the party he wants - tell them in no uncertain terms that there will be no football at the party.

It makes me so sad that this sexist clap trap still exists. Put your foot down and let him have his painting party.

@diddly what exactly is there to take the piss out off?
My DS had a Greatest showman party for his 4th birthday because all he wanted to do was sing and dance with his friends.

Friend sounds so ridiculous it's hard to comprehend!

Will her son ruin the party if he can't play foot ball??

If not, I can't think why she's so wound up about it at all.

Keep something sharp on hand to burst John's balls-you know he'll turn up with them & offer footy instead of the painting so that she can prove to you that that is the preferred activity.

We did a painting party when DS was 2!

They had a choice of painting at an easel, painting rocks/paper plates or doing hand/footprints on lining paper that we laid on the garden.

It was bloody brilliant! Loads of mess, lots of fun, most of the adults got stuck in too and we still have a portion of the foot/handprint paper.

And I would not accommodate the friend or her husband at all on the day. Don't even invite them to stay!

Haha when I read diddly's comment about the other children taking the piss I thought "diddly must live in some place like the Bowery in the 'thirties".

Unbelievably rude.
How dare she and her dh highjack your sons party.
You should text
Jane - I don’t want John to do football during (my ds) party. (My ds) has chosen an activity HE wants for HIS party so if you think (your ds ) won’t like the activity chosen by (my ds) then I won’t be offended if he decides not to attend, but I cannot allow your dh to do football as I’m afraid I find it rude that you would chose to undermine my ds choices because it doesn’t agree with your opinions.

Rude, over reaching and sexist. A triad of wonderful ness in your revolting friend!

I’m sorry she’s being a dick

Ps my son would have loved to do a painting activity at a party, and it certainly wouldn’t have occurred to anyone in our family that rocket painting isn’t sufficiently boy-ish activity! Utterly bonkers. The woman is embarrassing herself.

Trouble is she may fuck up your party if she acts like it’s time for football now for everyone...

If you think she will be too difficult to control, I would suggest being terribly passive aggressive and letting her to the football activity over another pat of the party, then usher the kids to the table afterwards and whip out the painting to do before the cake. That way you’ve stolen her thunder because she had no competing activity to ruin the painting with.

(Then you can say to her that her child doesn’t have to do it if his concentration isn’t up to it yet and usher the whole family out of the room - but that’s me just imagining a satisfying scenario of revenge for her upsetting you vs a real suggestion!).

Actually, be careful around this cunt, OP. People like her, blinded by their own bigotry, often go all out to ensure they get their own way - she's already overstepped the mark by giving your number to someone you don't know (the football coach - though it sounds as though he was perfectly willing to accept that you didn't want his services) and roping in her husband.
I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to bully the parents of the other guests in order to make them pressure you to spoil your son's party. Hopefully many of them will already be wise to her and laugh, but it's something to be on the lookout for.

As john walks into the party i would speak to him on the down low and explain youre more thsn hapy fir john and mini john to have a kick about but please dont announce it as an activity to pull all the children to.

Whatever you do, don't do this. They'll be very loud about it and inevitably distract the kids and pull at least some over to them. It would be disastrous.

I feel so sorry for your friends children. Being pushed into typical gender stereotypes

Definitely stand your ground and say thanks for the offer but you won’t be doing organised football.

Just because she has 4 kids does not make her an expert on your child and your party. I know lots of 4 year olds who love sport but would be thrilled to go to a painting party. Stick to your guns OP and have a great party

You do not need to take parenting advice from someone who gives a 5 year old a pamper party OP. That's actually made me shudder.

PS I did crafts at an 8 year old's minecraft party (we only had one console so they swapped out and made a door hanger with jewels) and they all loved it.

I’m really pissed off on your behalf.

I know you don’t want to offend anyone, but this woman is overbearing and bullying. Standing up to her wouldn’t be “offending” - and the alternative, rolling over, sounds like it could really really upset your son.

Practice saying “no”. Send this woman a text so that it is unambiguous and she can’t talk over you. Prepare yourself to say “NO” to John if he starts with the football. No no no no no NO!

My ds would have been completely thrilled to come home with his very own rocket or space ship. He’s also a really active sporty person too (17 now, but I remember when he was 4).

A party that gives you the chance to make and bring something home will be viewed as very cool.

I hate that there are people who think sport and art as interests are mutually exclusive, or that boys only like football It’s simply not true.

But if there is anything I hate more it’s tiresome bossy people forcing their own agenda, dressed up as being ‘helpful’ and stomping over someone’s ideas or plans.

In the nicest possible way, I also hope it rains and the rocket painting is a massive success. I would get the GMRM on side and get him painting rockets too. That’d shut her up

Surely she didn't really have a party where they shaped the eyebrows of 5 year olds? You can't do that.

For my son's 5th birthday party we had a Jedi theme: they started out decorating their 'uniform', so using fabric paints on t-shirts and baseball caps. They spent ages and were happy and quiet creating.

Then once they finished the painting and set things to dry, they moved on to making lightsabres with half a pool noodle and a mix of gaffer tape and electricians tape to craft the perfect handle, before pretending to be jedi ninjas (apparently) to music from Star Wars.

It's possibly the best party we ever had for him, because the kids were calm and happy and all left in a really positive mood. Not a single boy decided to sit it out, and more than one of them still had their lightsabre at the end of primary.

Your friend is full of shit. I love that your son wants to do painting. Sack them off and let them go to the park to play football on their own if they can't handle kids being creative.

Omg don’t let them have a kick about on the garden as pp have suggested.
Anyone with that attitude won’t be able to help them selves from shouting hey kids come and have a game of footy and egg on all the others to join in.
Just say you’re sticking to the set itemerary ie painting and that’s it. If they want to play football don’t accept your invite and go to the park instead.

What a knob 😡

The party is outdoors in the park with swings and slide isn't it OP?
So already lots of 'letting off steam' opportunity.

I see that you have chosen painting rockets as the craft. Are your other plans space themed too? If you can 'twist' everything in that direction the craft will be seamless, your DS will love it, and there is no way that football would fit within the theme at all!
You need to be firm. When I was a SP I had friends who were, ahem, over-helpful; it's a sign of lack of self-worth on their part, trying to influence you to validate themselves. Oddly enough, these friends vanished when it became apparent that I wasn't in as much need as they apparently thought.

Uninvite John and his overbearing wife. How dare they ambush you sons party ! I’d be fucking fuming and tell them where to go