to tell my friend to sod off with her helpful husband!

[QwertyLou]

Thanks for the amazing advice before & this is my last question on this party I promise (its on Sunday so it better be)!!

My son (nearly 4) is going through an arty-crafty stage. He loves painting more than anything. So I wasn't surprised when he announced he wanted to do painting "with my friends for my WHOLE party!"

So we're doing some painting at his party (15 mins or so), along with lots of other fun things. Just little plaster rockets and spaceships, one for each child to paint and they take it home.

When I mentioned this to a friend she made a horrified face... "Painting... for boys??" And recommended I scrap it for a football session, perhaps with the man from her son's party.

I hadn't even realised that painting was considered "un-manly" and boys were not supposed to enjoy it... is that a thing?

My son enjoyed the football session, but not enough to want the same thing. Plus it was an hour-long session - I'd have to scrap half the party! Which I explained to my friend.

Unbeknownst to me she gave my no. to Football Man who contacted me, so I explained myself again and thought that was it. But no.

Yesterday my friend announced that she has kindly lined up her husband ("John") to do a football activity "in parallel" with the painting. So her son and other boys can do football while anyone else is painting.

I said that of course John, would be welcome to play football with their son during the painting if they want. No child, boy or girl, will be compelled to paint a plaster rocket against their will! We'll be in the back garden with plenty of things to do.

But I really do not want John to announce an official "Come on kids line up over here!!" activity just as the painting is starting. The whole idea is to bring everyone (or most people) together for a quieter activity they can enjoy as a group - then we'll have the cake.

And my son is really excited about painting with his friends. I keep finding him in the kitchen, gazing longingly up at all the paint stuff. If they all race off to play football, it will defeat the whole purpose [delete](plus I'll be left with a mountain of plaster rockets)[delete].

I explained all this to my friend but she was having none of it.

She said John was more than happy to do it, it would be fun, it was important to let "boys be boys" and she knows it must be hard for me as a single mum to cater for boys, hence her lining up John.

We were both getting our sons into the car after nursery and she drove off after that.

So as it stands, John is "kindly" doing this official activity on Sunday.

I don't want him to, but what do I say to make that clear without offending anyone?

Part of me feels a bit ungrateful too. We single mothers of boys are constantly berated by society to ensure our sons have good male role models (GMRM) or they will turn into anti-social, drug-taking juvenile delinquents.

And lo and behold, here one is - a GMRM - volunteering something!
And am I gratefully accepting? No, I am saying no (trying to)!

SHe doesnt know better - its a myth that all boys love football and nothing else at all - some do, some dont. The ones that do should have a football party and the ones that dont love it should take part. however the ones that dont should have to have it for their party.

You have to say something - tell her politely its a no but it is your sons party and therefore you are doing the activities he wants

One of DS friends (who loves football) chose a ceramic painting party at a ceramics cafe. Everyone loved it (including those who love football) far more than a goals party

I'm having visions of a football landing smack bang several times on the crafts table, with paint flying everywhere.

Not to mention children dithering in between painting and playing football, so lots of mad dashing around here and there between the 2 activities.

Nightmare waiting to happen.

You need to be more assertive, and don't put other people's wishes and wants before those of your son. It's his birthday. Not yours, not your friend's. & If you're not assertive now, you're going to allow his birthday to be spoilt.

God alone knows why you want such a pushy and overbearing friend in your life anyway. I'd not even have considered her suggestion in the first place. It's not her day.

To do this she must see you as a push over generally. You need to resolve that.

I'd give her a list of the most famous painters in the world....

She sounds co ole telt and utterly overbearing.

Set her straight say you're concerned that the football will upset your DS, it's his party and he wants painting, thank you, but no thank you for the offer of help.

She's probably the sort of person who thinks artists aren't real men, however good they are at what they do. Out of interest I looked for some football-art crossover and there is this on the art of football photography www.theguardian.com/football/spiel-magazine/2014/oct/09/the-art-of-football-photography

There's also this. art-of-football.com/ I could go on, but I'm supposed to be doing something else...

Please please stand up to her. Your little boy wants painting at his party. He is excited to paint with all his friends. If John comes over with footballs then your sons party will be ruined in his eyes. He wants all his friends painting with him. Please tell her by text in no uncertain terms that you listened to her suggestion but your son doesn't want any football at his party so please do not bring John or any of his balls

She is thinking purely of her own DS and what she thinks would keep him happy/occupied. She's not thinking at all about your DS, whose party it is! If the party is this weekend you need to put her straight sharpish.

I hope you told her to go suck Johns dick op.

Missing the point of the thread I would be really unimpressed if I took my 5 year old daughter to a party and they shaped her eyebrows! And I say that as a "girly girl"

Painting is very gender neutral so stick to that and tell them there will be no football.

I hope you’ve called or texted and made it clear that John and his balls are not needed. It’s your DS’s party and this cheeky fucker wants to hijack it. She might have 4 kids but she is not your child’s mother!

I hope you told her to go suck Johns dick op

It's more about the balls, surely...?
😂

Dear friend

I appreciate your advice, but my son will be horribly upset if his friends all go off to play football at HIS party, instead of doing the painting with him, so please tell John not to bring a football or to try to run any activities at the same time as the painting.

I don't want my son to be upset at his own party, and I am sure you would be mortified if your actions or John's actions spoiled my son's party for him.

@QwertyLou.

my son would love the painting at that age...I rarely let him do it due to the mess

I rarely let him do it due to the mess

Give child a paint brush, bucket of water and a fence. They love to 'paint' it, and no mess (just a slightly soggy kid).

are you always such a doormat op?
i wouldn't give a shit if it were the queen herself - NOBODY gets to dictate what happens during a party for my child!
if they don't like it then they don't attend.

that would work wonders if you have a fence!

Anyway football isn't really a "boys game". The women's game was more popular after the first world war, so much so that the FA banned women's football in 1921 to let the men succeed 🙄

I can't post a link as I am on the app but there is a great BBC article about women's football at that time. They were drawing massive crowds. It says Lily Parr scored over 1000 goals and had a 34 year career! Wow!

The water and brush painting also works on tarmac or paving slabs redeye

I have a neighbor like that, really nice and helpful but sometimes goes a bit too far. Hope she responds well to your text.

What did your text say op?

Hope the text is enough to put her in her place. Not in a bad way, but you know, reminding her it’s your child and not hers

I'd univite her and say you think it's best they don't come incase her son takes part and then his penis falls off

Haven’t read the thread so apologies.

Hide all the footballs. Lock them away in the attic. If helpful John brings his own stab it with a knife.

What did you put in your text to her?