Help!!! I've done something truly dreadful!

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When DD was born, her grandparents started putting money into her bank account. They have been doing this for the past 5 years and also for our younger DC. I have been using this money towards new shoes when their feet grow and these sorts of expenses that crop up. They put money in four times a year roughly... maybe £50 a time.

MIL was chatting to me today about how she's so glad they've been putting money into the kids bank accounts and that it'll build up into a nice little amount to help towards a house deposit. I genuinely didn't realise the money was for when the kids are older. MIL can be difficult (to put it mildly) and i know if I explain my mistake all hell will break loose.

My only option now is to try to save up to replace the spent money but DH & I don't have much spare each month!

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this post. I'm just feeling incredibly guilty about it all.

They put money in her account and you spent it? How is that a mistake? And how do you not know how much you’ve spent from this account?

How would you have afforded those expenses without the money from MIL?

You havent done anything wrong here though. Your dc need new shoes that properly fit more than they need a house deposit. Im guessing dc are quite young?

I doubt £200 a year will pay for a house deposit
Don’t sweat it
I know 90% of mumsnet will disagree but needs must !

Don’t say anything and don’t feel guilty! £200 a year isn’t going to buy a house unless the property crash that comes after Brexit is truly epic!

Don’t spend any more of the money and when your kids are older explain to them you spent the money on stuff they really needed like shoes. They will understand.

And how do you not know how much you’ve spent from this account?

I do know how much I’ve spent. I thought the money was for things the kids need. They pay some of it in as “Birthday money” and “Christmas money”. I thought it was for things they need. I’ve obviously misinterpreted the whole thing.

Ouch, tricky. I’d not spend any more of it and keep quiet I think. They aren’t going to ask to see the account. It will still be quite a nice amount by the time they’re house buying age.

I wouldn’t have spent it though. If they wanted to give it for things for you to buy, they’d probably have bought the items themselves.

If its been put in as birthday or xmas money how can mil say its for a house deposit?

You don’t buy shoes as a birthday gift! The money wasn’t meant for you to use for essentials. They are trying to save what they can for the kid’s futures.

Don’t feel guilty.

Realistically, £200 a year in a regular cash savings account is not going to get them a house deposit.

Just decide not to spend from their accounts again and when things are less tight in the future put the money back. Set up a standing order for £10 a month to replace the money if you feel really bad about it.

You’ll be lynched here but I don’t think it’s an issue

lol that £200 x 18 would make a house deposit

I wouldn’t have spent it though. If they wanted to give it for things for you to buy, they’d probably have bought the items themselves.

We live in different countries. If we lived nearby your logic would apply but since we’re so far apart, I thought it was there way of giving up the kids, if that makes sense.

I would assume it was for savings or maybe to buy a gift with.

So you're £1,000 down? If you don't touch it in future and add £10 per month, by the time your child is 18 there'll be the same amount in.

Does your DH know you have spent the money?

If you start transferring about £15/month back into the accounts then you can replace the money well before DDs turn 18 and your MIL doesn't need to know

If its been put in as birthday or xmas money how can mil say its for a house deposit?

I know, that has really confused me!

So if they've been putting £50 x 4 per year that's £200.

If you divide £200 by 12 months that would give you approx £16.
Could you and your husband pay £16 per month back into the account for however many years you think you've borrowed from it?

So say you've been borrowing for 3 years, then save up and pay back for 3 years and it'll all even itself out. And by the time they are old enough for a house deposit they will be none the wiser and you will know you've paid it all back.

Well there's not much you can do now, but I'd try and replace the money when you can.

Personally I wouldn't have spend the kids' birthday/Christmas money on essentials like shoes. I definitely wouldn't have done so without checking your in-laws views of what the money was for.

My mum puts £5 a week into the kids bank accounts. I would not dream of touching it - it’s their money.

I would pay the money back as and when you can.

If they put the money in your account I would assume it was for you to spend on the kids. They didn’t though.

I think you should tell your MIL in passing how much a deposit for a first time buyer is these days.

Surely you can afford to repay this. £200 a year for the next however many years depending how old your children are?

It wasn't your money to spend. You've stolen from your kids IMO.

Pay it back! Why should the kids have school shoes etc out of their own money??

MIL puts money into my kids accounts, and I use it. Last week my daughter needed new boots for school, so I used it. Holiday clothes, I used it.

Sometimes we don't have spare cash when they need something; she's never asked about it and I've never mentioned it.

I’m really surprised you didn’t realise it was for their savings considering it was going into the children’s bank account and not yours.