Help!!! I've done something truly dreadful!

[Carousel2]

When DD was born, her grandparents started putting money into her bank account. They have been doing this for the past 5 years and also for our younger DC. I have been using this money towards new shoes when their feet grow and these sorts of expenses that crop up. They put money in four times a year roughly... maybe £50 a time.

MIL was chatting to me today about how she's so glad they've been putting money into the kids bank accounts and that it'll build up into a nice little amount to help towards a house deposit. I genuinely didn't realise the money was for when the kids are older. MIL can be difficult (to put it mildly) and i know if I explain my mistake all hell will break loose.

My only option now is to try to save up to replace the spent money but DH & I don't have much spare each month!

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this post. I'm just feeling incredibly guilty about it all.

Carousel, you'll get better interest rates on an account designed specifically for children though.And if the accounts are in your name the interest is yours for tax purposes,which might or might not be an issues depending on how much you have in savings and how the rules change in the future.

Only on mumsnet would you be criticised for buying your dc shoes from gifted money? Pretty sure GP’s would be happy to know they are helping out ?

I think some of the comments taking the piss out of the grandparents for not having given enough money to fully fund a house deposit are really nasty.

They're doing what they can.

Our kids Christmas and Birthday money from grandparents is always spent on clothes and shoes. That’s always been the intention of both parties.

They get plenty of toys bought by us and a token gift from grandparents, that’s plenty. They also have trust funds which we pay into monthly for their futures.

It may not be acceptable to everyone but we all live in different financial circumstances. IMO there is nothing wrong with what you did OP. If you want to pay the money back- fine, if not-fine too.

Surely it was obvious they were putting money in there to save for the future? I think you should replace it.

Can't believe you've used money given to your children directly into their savings account to buy stuff for them that you should be providing. Pay it back, and leave the kids money alone.

Changing the bank account so that the people it's intended for can't access it whilst taking from it yourself unbeknown to the gifter is very rich. So they can't waste it but you can spend from it whenever you feel like?

They've put it directly into an account in their name, so yes it was clearly intended for them to spend, presumably later.

If you are seriously broke then of course shoes and things come first, but if you're just a bit tight for cash then it's not right to use it.

Honestly some people on here. It not like you were spending it on frivolous things and the money has benefited the children so I don't see a problem. Also to the person who said shoes aren't a birthday present that's exactly what my Gran bought my daughter for her birthday so you're wrong.

If I was you I'd pay it back as MIL obviously had other ideas about the money but you haven't done anything terrible. I'm sure the pp on here saying they would never touch it are the ones who start posts like 'My husband and I only earn £100,000 a year' and 'I have £20,000 what should I do with it.' 🙄

If the GP wanted to help you fund the every day costs of having children then I'm sure they'd send you a few £ directly to your account. I save for my GC ( account held in my name) and also try to help out by sending money directly to the parents for expensive items like shoes. It's quite separate and I think you probably knew this deep down.
I'd hope that once you explain to MIL that you've actually spent the money that supposedly was being saved she will realise that it probably makes more sense to help you out directly in future. There's little point in having savings if you can't buy shoes

We have saved monthly and relatives have gifted money - dd used the money this year for university so no loan. Admittedly £200/year wouldn't be enough, we put in £100 a month. Mil is right, it wasn't for everyday expenditure - however we did for instance take £800 once for a violin and told her relatives about it

Ours are in trust until 25 because I have had experience of young people making really bad decisions with £25k , likewise in our will they don't inherit until 25 but can withdraw money with permission of their trustees (hopefully won't be necessary!!!)

And there's the crux of this thread: some of us have had to use our kids' money for shoes, and other are really lucky to be able to put in £100 a month and use it to buy a violin.

Any grandparents reading this I suggest you pay what you want your grandchildren to have as adults into an account which you control then give it to them or will it to them when 18. This would mean these “mistakes” hmm can’t happen. Sad when you can’t trust your own adult kids.

Don't feel guilty OP
Your children needed new shoes. You used the money that was available to you.
In the real world this is fine.
Mumsnet is the wrong place to ask about this LOL

Or maybe some grandparents are happy to be helping with more mundane costs that they can see their adult children are struggling to afford @MsTSwift

Especially grandparents who never specified what the money was actually for.

Don't sweat it OP. If you can manage not to take any more then just draw a line under it and forget it. It was a misunderstanding and your kids need shoes etc. Of you can save copper coins or put a few quid aside or something then do that. If not, don't worry.

Can't understand how using this money for shoes is baffling to some posters. It's only baffling if you've never been on the bones of your arse or you have no imagination. Shoes are expensive kids need comfortable feet.

Surely if they wanted to help with day to day costs they would have said so? My sisters mil pays for swimming lessons, some childcare very kind and much appreciated. Money given to an account for that child is for them as adults. Appreciate it’s hard for some people to manage but what op has done is not ok imo sorry.

I work with older people and many of the mindset that they have given their own kids enough over the years it’s up to them as adults to manage their lives but want to give a boost to the next generation down.

But they never specified, which is why I don't think the OP has done anything wrong.

I think what's especially unfair is that I bet the grandparents never even got credit for the money they've carefully been putting aside for the grandchildren.

Of course we've all been strapped for cash before but it doesn't sound like op was at the food bank. It's pretty poor behaviour.

And a lesson to say thanks - if just once OP had thanked the gps when she'd used the money to buy something, or got the children to write a thank you for the shoes, the whole thing would have been sorted early...

No idea why the OP has done anything wrong, not like she used the money to go to the pub

Don't be so hard on yourself- you haven't taken loads and what you have, you've used for essentials. You'll work out a way to put it back, when you can

I would pay it back given that the grandparents’ intentions were that it was a savings account.