Help!!! I've done something truly dreadful!

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When DD was born, her grandparents started putting money into her bank account. They have been doing this for the past 5 years and also for our younger DC. I have been using this money towards new shoes when their feet grow and these sorts of expenses that crop up. They put money in four times a year roughly... maybe £50 a time.

MIL was chatting to me today about how she's so glad they've been putting money into the kids bank accounts and that it'll build up into a nice little amount to help towards a house deposit. I genuinely didn't realise the money was for when the kids are older. MIL can be difficult (to put it mildly) and i know if I explain my mistake all hell will break loose.

My only option now is to try to save up to replace the spent money but DH & I don't have much spare each month!

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this post. I'm just feeling incredibly guilty about it all.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. And I don’t think you need to do anything like replace what you’ve spent. Just keep quiet now, nod along, and don’t spend any more of it.

Why should the kids have school shoes etc out of their own money??

Because if it's a choice between the family eating, and shoes or using money to buy better shoes... (not that the op has said that)

The money was given to the children not you so I would just pay it back when you can. I wouldn’t like to spend DS birthday & Christmas money on shoes, seems a bit mean.

Could you have afforded to buy the new shoes without this money? @Carousel2 If so, then I honestly don't understand why you used it the way you did and you should definitely replace every penny and not touch it again.

My Dmum saves £50 each month for my ds and I would consider spending only if I was in dire straits with nowhere else to turn. It's his money, his savings and hopefully it'll help pay for his first car or something similar.

Replace the money.

My grandparents set up savings for me and my parents have done for my kids it would never cross my mind to touch it

That said they'll never know so just keep quiet and top it back up if you can

It wasn't your money to spend. You've stolen from your kids IMO.

Oh come off it!

Seems like a communication error. You should probably come clean to your MIL about it though.

I would have thought they'd set up an account in their own name if they wanted to save for the future rather than in yours, that would be what I would think anyway.

Do you get children's allowance? Could you put some of this into the account to replace the money (if you want to)

MIL doesn't know the balance in the account. Keep your mouth shut!

You haven’t done anything dreadful. Just keep the money aside from now on. By the time the kids are old enough it won’t be here or there if there’s a bit missing.

She wasn’t clear.

If they were putting it into the kids bank accounts I think it's pretty obvious it was savings for the kids.

Don't spend any more of it and too it back up if/when you can. I wouldn't tell MIL though.

I don't think it's a grandparent duty to pay for essential items such as shoes, that's the parents job! You got it wrong but you can put it right by not going in their accounts again and trying and pay back what you took out.

Don't feel bad about it. You've used the money to buy things the kids need, there's nothing wrong with that at all. It's not a huge amount of money, I'd just pay it back gradually, as and when you can. By the time DD is 18 you'll have easily replaced it all.

I wouldn’t have thought that it was money for saving unless they had said explicitly. If people give me money for the kids I spend on something for the kids not myself obviously but wouldn’t think twice about buying a toy or some clothes for them with it! I don’t think have been unreasonable. But now she has made her intentions clear you would be. So I would keep quiet and save any future money. No one has been harmed here. You have spent it all on drugs and wild living

Haven’t spent it on drugs and wild living, that should say!

It's a tricky one. If it was paid in as birthday and Christmas money then I would have thought it ok to spend it. My mum wasn't well off when we were little and my nana would give us birthday money that bought us school shoes. We were so little we didn't know the difference and mum honestly couldn't have afforded them any other way. You've done what you needed to do, please don't feel bad about it, leave what you can in there for when their older but don't beat yourself up, so long as it's been spent on them I don't think you've done anything wrong.

Don’t worry about. But don’t spend anymore, and u could put a bit in here and there if/when you can afford it. If it makes you feel better tell them you have used some to help you out here and there, or keep quiet if it’s gonna cause problems. Don’t get stressed.

If MIL was giving you money for their expenses , she'd give it to you direct, not into their named savings accounts. Toddlers and young children don't buy their own shoes!

Best plan would be to organise standing order of small regular amounts (£10/month?). You can check their statements to see how much you've spent of their money, so you know amount you need to repay.

I would always have assumed this was for the kids to choose to spend when they were older. You shouldn't have touched it, so you shouldn't spend any more of it and you should try and replace it when you can.

Saving for later- understandable

Using birthday and Christmas money for gifts - understandable

Using birthday and Christmas money for school shoes - baffling

We had to spend £500 from dd's account on essentials. She will never know nor will my mil as it was intended to be used when she's older, by which time we will have replaced it. Don't sweat it, replace it gradually. Look at statements to work out exactly what you spent

Replace it over time, don't spend anymore. Move on

I think it was clear this money was savings for the children. It went into their own bank accounts for a start!

Even if it was for presents for birthday and christmas, you don’t buy essentials for those!

I think you’ve badly mishandled and mismanaged this money. Where you go from here is to make sure you don’t dip into their accounts again and replace the money you took over time.

I think it's a lovely idea from the grandparents and i know I would certainly have appreciated £4K towards my deposit. I don't think some pp are being very fair on the grandparents

MrsTerryPratcett - says the voice of privilege...
thankfully I haven’t ever had to spend birthday money on shoes, but it doesn’t take much to imagine that this might be the best use of birthday money if a child wouldn’t otherwise have any shoes that fit

Omg, ignore these idiots, you’ve spent the money on necessities for the children, you’ve done nothing wrong, these are things you need now.
Don’t feel bad, if you can pay it back then do, even if it’s in dries and drabs.....

Don't worry about it OP. I would have probably done exactly the same.