Help!!! I've done something truly dreadful!

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When DD was born, her grandparents started putting money into her bank account. They have been doing this for the past 5 years and also for our younger DC. I have been using this money towards new shoes when their feet grow and these sorts of expenses that crop up. They put money in four times a year roughly... maybe £50 a time.

MIL was chatting to me today about how she's so glad they've been putting money into the kids bank accounts and that it'll build up into a nice little amount to help towards a house deposit. I genuinely didn't realise the money was for when the kids are older. MIL can be difficult (to put it mildly) and i know if I explain my mistake all hell will break loose.

My only option now is to try to save up to replace the spent money but DH & I don't have much spare each month!

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this post. I'm just feeling incredibly guilty about it all.

I genuinely didn't realise the money was for when the kids are older.

^I really find that hard to believe. Money that others have given for my DS christening, birthdays, Christmas have been put into his account for when he is older.

Say nothing to the PILs at all, they don't need to know. That's my advice, for what it's worth
What the eye don't see, the heart don't grieve over IMO.

If you want to repay some of it, then it is remarkable how much money you can save if you put your all your loose change in a pot every day...

Ah, OP I didn't mean to pile on! Sorry I cross posted with your update earlier which makes it an easier misunderstanding to have happened ! (yes I'm that slow in typing my post!!!! My teenager came to chat to me before I hit post!)

@gigglebrain you stole the words from my mouth. It is a real struggle for a lot of families.

@ElideLochan well obviously the situation is different if the op is on the breadline.

You're all being a bit literal here! I'm sure she meant money towards a house deposit, not the full amount.

I opened accounts for my nieces as they live abroad and I'd be furious if their parents had been spending it on shoes, etc when it's supposed to be some nice savings for them when they come of age. It was an honest mistake in your case, maybe they should have been clearer. All the same, I'd expect it to be paid back.

I wouldn’t worry about paying it back but just stop spending from that account if possible now. They’ll never know the difference and as pps have said if you’re talking about a house deposit it will make little difference anyway. I wouldn’t feel too bad, It’s a massive luxury to have kids savings accounts.

I bet no-one will notice - they’re not going to ask for the bank statement. Save up in future if you can and it will make you feel good. This was a mistake, not helpful to feel ashamed. Not sure why it’s a sin to spend ‘Christmas’ money on kids shoes anyway. Comfortable shoes to run around in and keep healthy is a real investment IMO, but don’t say that to MIL.

I think if they live in a different country and don't give any presents as such apart from this money then it's fine to use the money for "stuff" for your children whether that be shoes or clothes or activities. My parents used to use our Christmas money from my uncle for school shoes and we used to hate it! However, now that I have 3 children of my own, I'm starting to see it as a bloody good idea!

Say nothing and gradually try to pay it back.

Bizarre that you thought it was for you to use even for stuff for the kids...

Even more bizarre that mil thinks £200x18 years will equal enough for a house deposit...I think the older generation sometimes have no clue!

It's their money I wouldn't dream of touching it.

You might do if you were in absolute dire straits and your kids needed a pair of shoes or you need to feed your gas meter. It's very easy to say you wouldn't dream of doing something when you don't have to

Just tell her as it was Birthday & Christmas money you bought things for them because they don’t understand money, they do understand ‘presents’ ‍🤷🏻‍♀️ but if she wants that saved from now on, that’s what you’ll do.

(It doesn’t matter if you paid for toys or shoes as they had both)

It’ll barely be a deposit for a car, let alone a house though 🙄

I think it depends on how broke you are. When our kids were little and we were really poor their Christmas money went on the electricity bill. Now they're older, we have more money and we've paid it back and then some. Just do your best for your kids OP.

I don't agree, I'm sorry. If they wanted to help you out with money for the kids they would have given it to you cash in hand for shoes or whatever.

This really is taking their savings. I think you have to consider what might be said on their 18th birthday when the GP announce the savings that they gave out by for the GC.

I wouldn’t worry about it, if you want to replace it there is loads of time,they sound quite young and I doubt they will need a house deposit until well into their 20s so just replace it as and when you can afford it

*put by for the GC

I would understand if you had spent the money on toys and presents for the DC. But for essential items that you should be providing them with as part of meeting their basic care needs? Absolutely not. Put the money back.

How long have they been saving it ok. 200 pounds a year won't save enough for a house deposit. How much do you think you have taken? Shouldn't be too hard to put it back in over time.

How would you afford shoes if your MIL didn’t give you the money....?

You need to look again at your budget!

So your eldest is 5? You have a long time till they need the money. Don't spend anymore keep in mind what you have spent if you can pay it back in the next 20 odd years if you can't You used it for the children that's fine

It’s 13 years before the older one gets to 18 so loads of time

If you would have used the money for toys and gifts for your Dc then I think that would be fine.

However, buying essential items such as school shoes? No. Not unless you literally cannot afford them otherwise. Your young children should not have to pay for their own school shoes, that's your job surely!

@lookatyourwatchnow. Yes surely much better to spend the money on an Xbox or LOL dolls then shoes!! (???)

@Worriedmummybekind says the voice of ignorance. I know people do have to spend kid's money on essential items when they're living with poverty (a quarter of a century I've spent working in homelessness and poverty work means I've encountered this once or twice).

What is baffling is that OP didn't seem to think the money was for anything else. If she'd made the decision because of need that's obviously different.

However, buying essential items such as school shoes? No. Not unless you literally cannot afford them otherwise. Your young children should not have to pay for their own school shoes, that's your job surely!

When the kids feet have grown in the past, we've struggled to afford to buy them all the footwear they need replacing (school shoes, gym shoes, welly boots, trainers) let alone when 2 of them need shoes at the same time. At times like this, we have used the money. We pay for the kids to do some out of school activities so yes, if we didn't have that money, we could have paid for the shoes by not sending the kids to their activities. I've obviously done the wrong thing here so I really don't need to be told so. You are right! It was a genuine mistake though and I will endeavour to repay all of the money spent.

I hadn't thought logically about it and didn't realise that £10 per month would do it. DH has just had a pay rise so now's a good time to set up the direct debit. Thank you all.