Help!!! I've done something truly dreadful!

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When DD was born, her grandparents started putting money into her bank account. They have been doing this for the past 5 years and also for our younger DC. I have been using this money towards new shoes when their feet grow and these sorts of expenses that crop up. They put money in four times a year roughly... maybe £50 a time.

MIL was chatting to me today about how she's so glad they've been putting money into the kids bank accounts and that it'll build up into a nice little amount to help towards a house deposit. I genuinely didn't realise the money was for when the kids are older. MIL can be difficult (to put it mildly) and i know if I explain my mistake all hell will break loose.

My only option now is to try to save up to replace the spent money but DH & I don't have much spare each month!

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this post. I'm just feeling incredibly guilty about it all.

I remember getting money out my savings account when I was about 8, because I needed a warmer duvet as the house was so cold at night.

My parents couldn't afford it, so the money came from me instead. I don't resent that. I'm sorry that they were so short of cash and still remember worrying about it, but I don't resent it because they couldn't help it.

If it was really tight times I would understand using the money, but if not then I would be trying to pay it back, even at £5 or £10 per month.

My parents used our Christmas and birthday money from grandparents to buy us clothes and shoes. I was glad; I stuck out enough because I didn’t have all the latest gear as it was. Thanks to my grandparents I had at least some new stuff.

Not all families are well off.

You don't buy shoes as a birthday gift
@Wolfiefan what do you mean? Regardless of my opinion of this case, why the hell would you not buy a child shoes for their birthday? 

Our boiler broke and we raised DS's savings account 😳 were talking christening money, some birthday and Christmas money gifted to him as well as the small amount we pay in monthly...we will top it back up when our finances settle, but I think DS prefers living in a warm house with hot water right now than worry about a savings account he will get gifted at 21 years of age of which he has no idea about.

Don't panic OP, just stop spending from it now of you can, but if times are hard then money is money and it will need to be used. Just top it back up at a later date when you can.

@Naturalspirit82

@lookatyourwatchnow. Yes surely much better to spend the money on an Xbox or LOL dolls then shoes!! (???)

Well yes, when the money has been gifted for Christmas and birthdays for the CHILDREN. Or do you buy your DC school shoes, school uniforms, irons, hoovers and bedding for Christmas? Happy holidays, kids!!!

What is baffling is the attitude of people ridiculing the grandparents for such a small amount of money!! Speechless at that. What a lovely thing to do. They could be doing it for 10 other grandchildren for all you know and could be pensioners... I'm sure they are well aware it wont be a full deposit but you know what it'll still be a decent amount of money and even if it isn't its a nice thing to do. OP don't sweat it. Now you know what the money is for don't touch it but dont beat yourself up about it either.

Rather than saving the £10 a month, do £5 and put the other £5 by into a savings account for those times when you’ll need it like shoes etc. Expenses will still crop up so worth doing.

On the subject of shoes, for mine, we passed down wellies and other lightly used shoes e.g. gym pumps. And limited how many pairs they had generally where possible.

I wouldn't worry about reimbursing the DC's bank accounts but in future keep your hands off their birthday and Christmas money.

Let it build up so they have a lump sum to spend as they wish when they're older. It wasn't given to you to buy them essentials.

Well she wasn't clear was she? My dd has a savings acct that is linked to my online banking, IL's put £10 a month in, I transfer chunks of Child Benefit in and if I get a bit of extra cash or people give her money for birthdays, Xmas etc it either goes in there or in 'her purse' in my bag. Out of her purse I pay for soft play or books/ toys she sees and wants if I don't have cash on me (I never do!), ice creams etc in the park or magazines she spots and really wants in shops, she gets the money and makes the transaction herself. Out of her bank account she's paid for 2x Butlins trips, if she needs a good few new season clothes or dresses she sees and is mad about. She always has £500 at least in there and if I've spent a bit I top it up again. It's all for her and once she's a bit older and can decide to buy things for herself she'll have her own proper account. Ds's is all just sitting in cash hidden away, I must open him an account!

People on here are overreacting.

It is surprising that you used the money for day to day stuff as assuming they meant it as savings, but that said you didn't exactly fritter it and it was used for something really worthwhile. But if I were you I would put the money back in, and then not touch it again.

@lookatyourwatchnow all those things you listed would be my priority.

Don’t beat yourself up about it OP. A lot of people on here have no idea what it’s like to be properly skint. Glad your DP has just got a pay rise- hopefully you’ll be a bit more comfortable.

It wasn't your money to spend and taking from the children's accounts to buy parenting basics is awful.

Even if it was birthday/Christmas money it's not gifted to buy shoes.

If they get money when they are 18 they'll probably blow it anyway.
Better to spend it on things they need and try to save up for them later, when they actually need it (i think 25 or30 is a good age to get a lump sum).
Some bank accounts you can access at 7, then it will all go on sweets and plastic crap unicorns etc.
She left it in an account you can access, not in trust or one she controls. Do what you think is right, don't worry.

Not really a mistake though as you put it, you purposely withdrew money from an account that wasn't yours to fund parenting basics rather than pay for them yourself. If finances are so precarious you can't afford shoes then either your priorities lie elsewhere or you had children without thinking of how you would finance their needs.

I'd be very cross if I gifted a child money for either a gift or to save when older and found out the parents had taken it.

I really wouldn't sweat it.

Don't mention it to her but just don't withdraw any more unless you really think you need to.

You used it for the DCs benefit, for essentials that you couldn't have afforded otherwise - if I were the GP in this situation I would be perfectly happy that the money was being used this way. Being properly clothed in the present trumps house deposit in 10 years time imo.

Christmas/ birthday money is for presents IMO.Not quite the same,but my DC got left some money when their grandparents died.Some of that I put in savings for them and some of it I used to buy things that I thought would benefit them that we couldn't afford out of our normal spending ( not shoes,admittedly but still).I don't look on that as stealing from them,I think that as their parent I was managing that money to give them some benefit now and some later.

Just out of interest ,those of you saying it's the children's money,hands off - you are all fine with those children spending it however they want when they get access to it at 16 ( its16, not 18) cos it's their money?

If you are calculating an amount to pay back, don’t forget the interest. I would imagine that the magic effect of compound interest is one of the reasons why the grandparents are so happy to have started early with the savings.

Of course infinite, their gift money their choice. We don't dictate what their birthday or Christmas money is spent on as it was given to them not I'd.

If an account was opensed as house deposit savings then they would know it was there for when it was needed. Any extra is welcome when buying a first home.

do you buy your DC school shoes, school uniforms, irons, hoovers and bedding for Christmas? Happy holidays, kids!!!

No, but neither do I say 'Happy holidays, kids, I've got nothing for you now, but you'll be able to put down a deposit on a modest flat in twenty years' time, provided it's not in London!'

I would stop using it from now on (unless an emergency occurrs and you have no other source of cash) and say nothing. I wouldn't start trying to pay it back- by the time kids are 18 plenty more will have been paid in. Leave it and move on.

If they really can access the money when they turn 16, would I be better opening a savings account of my own for each child and then I can give them the money when they're, say 21? I'm hoping once we start earning more to be able to contribute to these bank accounts too but I would rather they have the money later.

And ignore criticism on here- buying for your children's basic needs with money you have been given for them is sensible. What were the other options. Run up debt? Go without? You have done nothing wrong.