DP has spent an hour trying to collect 5 yr old from a play date

[Eastie77]

I'm at a loss. DD is 5 years old and went to a play date at a friends house today. DP went to pick her up at 6:30pm. Her friend only lives 5 minutes away so I've been wondering where he got too. He just turned up, his voice shaking saying he "cannot remove her" from her friends house, she is running around their sofa laughing, refusing to put her shoes on and will not come home. He left the house without her as he "couldn't take it anymore" after spending nearly an hour chasing around after her

I am in bed ill with DS who is also ill and he expected me to get dressed and go and get her! I have sent him back to fetch her and he has angrily left the house. I reminded him that he is a GROWN man surely capable of picking up a 5 year old child, putting her over his shoulder and walking out of the house?!! I feel like I'm in some kind of parallel universe here.

I'm friends with the play dates mother but god knows what she must be thinking..

@DobbinsVeil - believe me, when he returned home empty handed after 1 hour I thought I must be dreaming or DD was hiding outside.

I cannot imagine what the mum thought as he walked out of her house leaving DD behind.

One major sticking point is DP and I have such different parenting styles there is no consistency. I believe DD should understand there are consequences for poor behaviour and as we were meant to go to the same friend's house for lunch tomorrow I told DP we should cancel so DD sees consequences in action. He replied "don't be silly".

This is why I often walk the guest child home with my child if they live close by. I find it's much easier to get the guest child out of the house and both children calm down on the walk home.

Eastie77 I dont want to freak you out, but if your DD was running towards danger how would he react?
Because DS once legged it towards the deep end of the swimming pool and would have gone in if I hadn't caught him. He also ran towards the road. Both times I was going flat out and nearly didn't catch him.

Did he try counting to 3?

Yeah, hours

ah! That’s where he’s gone wrong.

He replied "don't be silly".

He needs The Voice used on him.

DH and I decided that he could either read the books I read, go to the parenting classes I did and put in all the effort I did OR he could just use the techniques I pre-approved. He chose the latter.

Why does the childminder say he needs parenting courses when he is so used to having her on his own?

The biggest issue in this is the inconsistent parenting - we had exactly the same problems and the psychologist (yes, it got that bad!) sussed it within 5 minutes. “You don’t have a child problem, you have a parenting problem”.

1-2-3 Magic is a slightly dumb, simple parenting guide, but OMG it works. I have two very different children and it worked for both of them. I used to say/yell “1” and both children would be back by my side before you could blink.

Also useful that there are dvd versions for the short of attention span/not interested in reading parenting books.

DH is still a bit pathetic in these situations, but this stil works. Good luck.

I think you should go to her house for lunch by yourself, then refuse to come home.

MrsT - cross post - youre right, I had forgotten I condensed the rules and taught them to DH first, so he had the basic skills, and then asked him to follow-up with DVD....

DH just said ..."Omg what a lame-oh! "

OP book him on a parenting course for Xmas present and tell him learning what they have to teach him is the best gift he will ever give his child, himself and your marriage. Before you do that you have to tell him that she has no respect for him and it won't be many years when she just tells him to F**k OFF when she doesn't want to do something and that will mostly be his fault. He's being unfair to her, there are rules in life and she has to be helped with how to navigate without getting her own way all the time and accept that because that is how it is.

I think you should go to her house for lunch by yourself, then refuse to come home.

Yes!!

DH also said is DD so fat she couldn't be lifted !!!

DobbinsVeil great answer. OP you just have to do that

OP - I can do The Voice, and it works on grown ups too (my three dses are all in their twenties) - would you like me to come and give him a good talking-to?

I am happy to go full Scary Parent on his arse.

But in all seriousness, if DH called me silly when he'd acted like collecting his child from a play date was akin to one of the labours of Hercules, I'd be very pissed off.

What a wet lettuce he is. He needs The Voice.

Wow. Your DP is pathetic.

I've been snorting at this thread. Sitting on the stairs "drained" 🤣

As a PP suggested, go to lunch and refuse to come home. Priceless.

Best of luck OP

It sounds like he doesn't have a clue.

I, then about 69, had to crawl up into a play thingy at a soft play centre when granddaughter refused to come out, she sat at the back and grinned, everytime I moved she went higher! When I got her out I picked her up and carried her screaming and squirming out of the place, to the disapproval of others

Goodness what a wuss. OTOH OP my own DH can be pathetic too. He is 6’ 2” and he says our teens “bully him” into doing what they want 🙄 when they are well behaved and always listen to me. He just has no backbone or authority with them. He is a successful specialist doctor! I put it down to his mum who completely dominated him and still tries to. We have a very happy equal partnership marriage but if he had picked the wrong woman he’s the kind of man who could’ve been easily completely dominated by the woman he loved.

His mum dominated him and his dad also had no authority in the home, so it’s like he never learnt how to be a parent, except the being kind and fun part, as he was not allowed to disagree with his mum.

Fuck. Our DD was a bloody stroppy nightmare at 5. Age 15 was a whole new circle of hell.

He needs to get sorted now. Shit is to come.

He sounds like he is totally inept in the parenting department.

Many young children will try this one sometimes. I used to grab hold mine and make them do as I said when they tried it.