Things your mum did that made you feel happy and loved

[EllaYuck]

Mine worked outside of the home but always made sure that she took me to school in the morning. She rarely judged my character in a negative way (would tell me off for all sorts of things but never pick on my character as such) and despite my being average in school always told me that she believed I was smart and would be good at anything I worked hard for. Despite working, she would be interested in what was going on for me at any time. She even patiently listened to some of the crap compilations I got from various unsuitable boyfriends.

What things did your mum do that made you feel happy and loved?

Everything. Material things, but also emotional support. She was occasionally harsh (but practical) when needed but always loving.
Bloody love my Mum. We talk on the phone every evening.

Loved us, took care of us, listened, always said the right thing, got all the babies to sleep stroking their foreheads, made perfect poached eggs on toast when I didn't feel well. I miss her so much every day, but especially Christmas because she absolutely loved it and got so excited. Eight years since she went into hospital on Christmas Day and never came home. ❤️

Some of the people she farmed out my care to were nice to me. That's the best I can do .

Too many to mention but one specific one was when I finished my exams at a lunchtime she nipped home to bring me a magazine and m and Ms.

She once bought me a creme egg.

I arrived back home to live when everything went wrong with my ex and I was homeless and penniless. At my edge it was a shock to the system for us both.

I woke on Christmas morning to find a stocking tied to the door handle of my room. The same as when I was a kid and money was tight. Tangerine, nuts, posh red apple (with a sticker on it!), chocolate coins and a small but thoughtful gift.

It was the first time I allowed myself to cry for an age but it was also happy tears.

We are not a huggy family but I felt so loved at that moment. I will always be my mam's bairn. The stocking said that.

Best present ever.

I'm still here and have finally saved enough to move but I will never forget that she took her failure daughter in and made everything feel safe again.

Love you mam xx

Two things stand out for me.

Firstly, she was supportive of me when I chose not to follow in the footsteps of my parents' chosen religion.

Secondly, she sent a huge bouquet of flowers to my workplace when I passed my professional exams. It meant so very much.

Age not edge. sorry.

Loads of hugs and lovely food and made me feel loved and safe.

Tucking me in at night and reading to me and my little brother when we were small.

buying cream of chicken soup and tinned mix fruit and carnation milk when I was young and very poorly with recurring ear infections as she knew it cheered me up ( I still can't have heinz chicken soup without having a little cry)

Singing and dancing in the kitchen to ABBA and meatloaf.

Knitted me lovely weird batwing tops as a teenager that were cutting edge fashion so I didn't feel left out cos we couldn't afford new things for me.

Never saying I looked silly when I was going through my odd fashion phases..

Monthly shopping trips when I got older and was working. We would have a 5 piece breakie in BHS then spent all day wandering about buying each other silly things. and trying on awful clothing to make each other laugh.

She was my very best friend and I miss her so much. She bloody loved Christmas.

She listened. She was there for us in every way. I miss her.

My mother was a brilliant caregiver in practical ways. We always had nice meals, packed lunches, clean clothes, clean sheets etc. Our house was always homely and clean and she was very organised so our lives even though busy always felt quite calm and ordered.

Sadly she lacked in other ways. She was completely incapable of showing us emotion. We never got hugs or were told she loved us. She was difficult to open up to so we could never go to her with problems etc. She also had a very narrow view on things and is incredibly risk adverse so never encouraged us to do anything or go anywhere. She was also very impatient and intolerant if she wasn’t in control of a situation or she didn’t get her own way, this would sometimes result in outbursts of absolute rage which were terrifying to a small child. As a teenager, I found her very detached and unavailable and she showed little interest in our lives.

I spent time in my 20s feeling sad that she didn’t love me but I now suspect she has autism. It has since been diagnosed in other family members and she displays a lot of autistic traits.

I can't even read this..coz my answer would be fuck all...in fact she was negligent,because she put double the amount of baby powder in the water at every bottle she gave me.because a doctor told her to..I was so huge I didn't walk till I was 3.i could go on and on.but I don't want to bring a happy thread down.
I'm a good mum ,my children are loved and supported and cared for.and happy,even as teenagers they were all very happy .so thankfully in my case the apple did fall a long way from the tree .

Wineloffa I could have written your post. My mum is like that too.

She took a real interest in everything I was involved in, thought I was the best at everything (even though I really wasn't), spoke to me for hours on the phone every other night when I was at uni, looks after my children (they adore her), loves to tell me funny things that have happened to her - I know no experience is complete for her until she has told me about it - and it's the same for me too, has always taken my opinions on things really seriously even when I was a child and didn't know what I was talking about. I have always been able to be honest with her, I can tell her I'm not happy with her without worrying she'll go into a mood or stop loving me. I am completely secure in her love and good opinion.

She isn't sentimental, she's not perfect, she wasn't at all practical when I was younger, wouldn't bake, do crafts or help make costumes for school. She would frequently forget important details of arrangements, and never wanted to give me a lift anywhere. But she gave me a sense that I was special, that I was worth something and that I deserved to be loved. She has set me up for life, I just hope I can pass the same on to my children.

My mum always wore the same perfume - can’t remember what it’s called, and it’s been discontinued, but that smell always reminded me of her.
She had a zip-up hoodie thing that she used to wear around the house, and it always smelled of that perfume. Whenever I was sad or missed her when she was at work, I would sneak that hoodie off the coat hook and smell it.
Just before I moved out, she gave me a present: it was my favourite childhood teddy, sprayed with the last of the perfume. It’s been 8 years since I left home, and there’s still the faintest smell on the teddy.
Most lovely, thoughtful gift I’ve ever received.
She also knew that I really struggled with maths at school. My dad was the hard arse when it came to homework and would make me sit at the kitchen table and go on and on at me until I either got the sum right, or just cried and gave up. My mum took a much better approach and used to take me to the pub down the road to play darts. By making me keep score while we played, she helped me get a grip of my mathematical embarrassment

Nothing. She did give me panic attacks, depression and an anxiety disorder. Also I'm very good at self defence as a result of her violent temper. I don't trust easily, so I have her to thank for that too.

@Wineloffa I've come to the same conclusion about my mum, and it has changed the way I see her in some ways.

I've been diagnosed with autism and when I think of her as someone who literally can't cope with some things, it makes more sense than her just hating me. In her own way she did her very best I think. We still don't get on, but so much of my childhood that I look back on fondly as well was really down to her.

My amazing Mum is 90 next year, and she still takes my breath away at what she does, like using email, Skype, online ordering.

IN the days before we had central heating she used to get up at 6.00, light a fire and warm our school clothes for us.
She was a fabulous cook.
We were quite poor, and she sacrificed so much for us. She didn’t have a haircut for 10 years, same winter coat for 12 years. She managed to pay for dance classes, piano lessons, scouts etc but I can remember her having to ‘borrow’ £2.00 from my GPs to buy food for the week.
She made all my amazing dance costumes, taught me to use a sewing machine.
Would hug and kiss us and tell us how much we were loved, and still does that now.
Was there through my very difficult divorce.
Has been an amazing grandparent, helping to support them through Uni.
Total unconditional love, always.
I think I should stop, because clearly she can’t be around for ever and even though I do some looking after her now, I don’t know what I will do without her.

From what I remember of my birth mum (she died aged 24 when I was 8) it was hugs,proper cuddles.
My ''step'' mum - she was there for me throughout a difficult period of hospitals,tests and different medication,as a teen. Never once did she let me down.She was (and still is) a very dear friend and I love her dearly. This time last year she was there for me after an operation. She's as much my 'real' mum as my birth mum.It's down to her that I've become strong and independant

I also could have written @Wineloffa's post almost word for word. We weren't hungry and we had clean clothes - but I don't remember feeling loved. The autism thing is interesting and makes a lot of sense to me.

Cooked from scratch almost every night despite working f/t.
Got very cross with anyone who was unkind to me.
Always said I was clever and sensitive.
Praised my physical appearance even during the spotty and awkward years.

@FestiveForestieraNoel and Nopeni

I have come to terms with my childhood now that I’m sure my mum is autistic. It makes sense and I feel less sad about it now. I know she tried her best and I have some very happy memories too.

So many things.

Cooked home-made meals and our favourite desserts. Taught me to cook when I asked.

Took me to Brownies, music lessons, attended all my orchestra concerts and plays. Ensured that I and my siblings learned how to swim (she loved swimming and never got to swim as a child). When I asked to go to horse-riding lessons she not only took me but decided to learn to ride herself.

When we moved to a foreign country my dear mother was our stability. She was great fun and up for anything. On the first half term break my siblings and I hadnt made any friends yet so mum took us swimming every single day. She sussed out riding lessons, music lessons, even a new school for me when I wanted to change schools. She supported me in everything I did.

She faithfully bought me clothes and when I went through the awkward phase of adolescence she helped me choose clothes that suited me and never commented when I gained weight. Mum has always had a perfect figure and an eye for clothes. I have neither.

She has been my biggest champion and made me think I could do anything. Her social skills helped me develop mine - though ill never be as outgoing as her.

Put the ‘top of the milk’ on tomato soup when I was poorly. Add fresh lemon juice and honey to a lemsip. Today she sent me flowers because she came with me to see DD in her nativity yesterday. She was crying a bit when I got there ( she got there first because I was a bit late due to traffic) . In that moment watch my DD i ‘got’ the whole mum thing.

@Wineloffa I'm pretty sure my mother is on the asd spectrum. But she's long had a rocky relationship with my father. They're retired and he can't stand her - she's completely controlling in terms of routine and access to money. I've asked them to get help but they cut me off after that. I accept I won't hear from them again and I'm pretty accepting of my upbringing. I now understand.