Things your mum did that made you feel happy and loved

[EllaYuck]

Mine worked outside of the home but always made sure that she took me to school in the morning. She rarely judged my character in a negative way (would tell me off for all sorts of things but never pick on my character as such) and despite my being average in school always told me that she believed I was smart and would be good at anything I worked hard for. Despite working, she would be interested in what was going on for me at any time. She even patiently listened to some of the crap compilations I got from various unsuitable boyfriends.

What things did your mum do that made you feel happy and loved?

My poor mum couldn't read people and wasn't social. She never really brought us anywhere. She was often unkind and cutting but I now realise it was because she couldn't cope and found people and life unpredictable. She did however have an absolutely smashing mother who would fill in the gaps and give us cuddles.

She fed me. That’s about it. I was 7 years old when I stopped trying to hug her, as I finally realised she didn’t love me and just pushed me away whenever I tried. If I was coughing at night with a chest infection, I was shouted at for keeping her awake.
She relentlessly criticised everything about me. She repeatedly told me I would fail my exams at medical school and never qualify. When I did graduate, with a merit award, she threw a tantrum at the dinner to celebrate my graduation. When I visited home, after a 14 hour journey, she hadn’t even made up a bed for me.
When she visited my house after a year apart, her opening remark to me, on the doorstep, was “Ugh, what a lot of spots you’ve got”, followed by walking into my house and saying that I hadn’t cleaned the windows properly. I was working 120 hours a week as a junior doctor at the time.
I finally went no contact with her, and shed not one tear when she died 25 years ago.
I used her as a model of how not to mother my own daughters. Thankfully they both know they are loved - the one thing I always wanted and never had.

Babdoc that was a really sad read for me. And as I said upthread my mum died when I was younger which is obviously very sad in itself but your last moved me. I’m sorry you went through that.

At one point she worked 3 different jobs while I was in primary school while bringing me up on her own, and was always there to put me to bed every night

She was always my captive audience while having a bath so I could practise my reading sitting on the (lid down) toilet seat

When I would get home from clubbing at 18 she would be up to make me a cheese toastie or chip butty and listen to my drunken tales of my night out

She so desperately wanted to keep the cancer at bay to be by my side at my wedding (sadly she died 3 months before my wedding)

I used her as a model of how not to mother my own daughters

This is the only positive I got from my mum's nastiness

I’ve thought of something else, my mother has very good social skills and has always made friends wherever she is, this has therefore been the ‘norm’ for me & I too find it really easy to make friends & join in social occasions. I strongly feel that having a good sense of self esteem and confidence has been hugely beneficial to me throughout my life & my mother has provided me with an excellent role model.

My mom is great. Not perfect but I have lots of happy memories.
This thread makes me wonder what my own dds will say about me in future. They’re 17 and 14, adopted with lots of issues, and our relationship isn’t always easy.
Will they realise that I was their biggest cheerleader, fighting for them to get the help they needed with school, Camhs etc? Will they remember the times I’ve driven round looking for them in the middle of the night? Or the times spent sitting by them as they lie drunk on hospital trolleys? Or the kisses and the cuddles?
Or will they just remember the times that, having been pushed beyond my limit, I have lost it and yelled at them? Or called the police because once again they’ve stolen from me or assaulted me? Or when a special outing or treat has had to be cut short because they can’t cope with something out of the ordinary or an unfamiliar environment?
There are two sides to every story, and I wonder if some posters’ mothers would have very different memories of their childhood?

Nothing. In fact she missed no opportunity to tell us how she wished she'd never had kids. It's made me determined to make sure my kids know they're loved.

Read to me lots
Send to me and cuddled me to sleep until I was older than I care to admit (and I did the same with my now 14yo DD)
Taught me to bake even though she hates being in the kitchen
Was a complete soft touch when it came to lifts to school and notes to get me out of PE
Spoilt me rotten when I was poorly
And one of my favourite things...we usually had a UK based cottage/caravan summer holiday once a year. She would always pack me a surprise goody bag of travel games, comics, colouring/sketch/puzzle book, new felt tips and sweets. Was often more excited about that than the actual holiday .

I've had nicer enemies in all honesty.
So I am extremely jealous of your lovely mothers.
At least I had my dad and now have my wonderful Mil.

Did baking with us.
Supported us at school.
Went to work full time as soon as my youngest sister went to school to help support the family.
Read to us.
Made up stories and invented funny voices for our pets and baby sister before they could talk.
Made sure we were always clean and had clean clothes
Worked really hard to make sure we were fed and clothed as well as possible (we were quite poor) and went without things herself

This may out me. It's kind of uncharacteristic of my mum, and she's done millions of other practical, spiritual and supportive things over my thirty-something years, but this always makes my heart feel happy when I think of it.

I used to watch South Park on Friday nights in the 90s. Then started going to the pub and I asked my mum to check the video was recording channel 4 ok (yes, in the VHS days), so I wouldn't miss it. She ended up setting it for me.. and then keeping an eye on it.. and then watching it so she could edit out the advert breaks for me. This is my super Catholic, conservative older mother, who started knowing all the characters and laughing at the jokes. When I went to Uni, she helped me up by train, managing all my unwieldy bags (it was a long journey and we didn't have a car.. don't know how we did it really!), and got me settled in before waving goodbye. On unpacking my case, I found a surprise stuffed Kyle from South Park. She'd apparently wanted to find a Cartman as she knew he was my favourite.. even now I have Kyle by my bed and he makes me smile, thinking of how much she was willing to enter into my life and interests and connect with me. I'm very lucky.

My Mum always made sure that I knew I could be honest with her, even if it meant admitting that I'd done something that I shouldn't have done. If I wanted to go somewhere, or do something, that wasn't a good idea she made it ok to tell her.... the theory was, if I ever got into trouble and I needed her I wouldn't be afraid to call, and she'd come and get me right away. So many of my friends didn't have a parent like that and it made me realise how brilliant my Mum is! I still speak with her every day. I hope I will be as good with my kids as she is with hers.

Woke me when I was a bit older by bringing me a cup of tea. I loved that, I knew she was so busy.

My absolute favourite place as a child was with head on her lap while she stroked my hair.

Hot ribeena and honey on toast in the winter.

Making time for me, reading to me at night.

Being on my side even when I was wrong.

A very kind woman.

She tells me I am a really good mother now, means alot to me.

Absolutely everything, she simply loved being a mum (and Nana for 6 months) she was always there for us. Always told us how loved we were right up until we lost her far far to early.
She was an amazing mum that made it all look so easy. If I can be half the mum she was, my son will be lucky boy.

Stayed home to raise us. Never had to come home from school to an empty house.

I have thought of so many more.

Thank you OP.

I am going to write my mom a letter with all of my favourite things she did/does in.

Reading all these has made me think of so many things she did for me as a teenager and adult too.

She's nearly 80 now, quite needy, hard of hearing and has no filters with her opinions and political views which are very different to mine. Honestly I find her hard work a lot of the time but this has really put all that perspective and made me realise I need to make the effort to be more patient with her.

Have just had a long chat on the phone (which we do nearly every day) and I'm taking her shopping on Sunday then we'll pick Dad up and come back to mine for a roast.

She just made me feel very safe and secure, and totally loved. She never judged me, and along with my dad, sacrificed quite a lot for me and my brother and sister. She's now 86 and I see her a few times a week. Always hug her when I go, always tell her I love her.

Essentially everything she has every done in my life. She is kind, always makes time for me, taught me amazing things and always cheered me on.

Additionally she is really proud of me & my sibs. We work close to eachother, and if I’m passing I’ll take her a coffee and she takes great delight in telling all her colleagues about “my gorgeous daughter” and then starts reeling off my qualifications.
My dad is a similar level of proud too.
My sisters and I are vvv lucky

Such a nice idea for a post.
My mum is one of those who had always made sure there's food on the table. I'm lucky to have grown up on lots of home cooked food (with the occasional frozen meal!) even though she worked full time.

I remember the cuddles when I was little. There were the letters she wrote when I went on school trips away.
And as a teenager (till I moved out in my 20s), she'd come out in the middle of the night to pick me up from a station. She probably would have worried herself sick otherwise.

She's also never judged me and put up with me being a brat.

Sorry to hear some people haven't felt that loved by their mums.
That love and security is so important to give your kids and hopefully we can or are doing the best by ours.

Worked full time to provide for me and her. Gave me a warm stable home my whole life.

Always done anything for me at the drop of a hat.

Loved me at my very very very worst

Believed in me when i was a cunt to her

The most generous person..

MY DF fed me my favourite food, entertained me, made me feel loved, read to me, drove me wherever I needed to go. Let me use his car when I could drive. So many things.

My “D”M., I’m still trying to think.

Sadly I'm in the "nothing" camp. It has taken me years to realise how it fucked me up. However as an adult she is a lot more caring. She just wasn't suited for young children.

I had such a happy childhood, even though circumstances weren’t great, because my DM is wonderful.

Thursday was our special night, I was allowed to stay up a bit later than my siblings and we would watch old comedy shows on TV and talk. I really looked forward to that time.

When I was a teenager if it had been raining and I’d arrive home from school soaking wet she’d make me a hot chocolate while I got dry.