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Original poster

Things your mum did that made you feel happy and loved

181 replies

EllaYuck · 12/11/2018 15:50

Mine worked outside of the home but always made sure that she took me to school in the morning. She rarely judged my character in a negative way (would tell me off for all sorts of things but never pick on my character as such) and despite my being average in school always told me that she believed I was smart and would be good at anything I worked hard for. Despite working, she would be interested in what was going on for me at any time. She even patiently listened to some of the crap compilations I got from various unsuitable boyfriends.

What things did your mum do that made you feel happy and loved?

OP posts:
Gilead · 13/11/2018 15:28

I used her as a model of how not to mother my own daughters (and sons)
This. She's still alive. Haven't spoken in years. Won't bother. She did absolutely nothing for me as a child. By the time I was ten I was bringing up my siblings.

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 13/11/2018 15:53

My lovely mum wasn't perfect (who is?) but I always knew I was loved.

We didn't have much at all as she was a single parent working 3 jobs but every morning she'd get up before my DB and me and put the fire on to make sure it was warm for us. She put our pyjamas next to the fire in the evenings as well. I think one thing I'll always remember is after she smacked me (the one and only time), she apologised and really meant it; I was only about 7 but I remember the idea of an adult apologising to a child being very surprising and made me feel very special.

She was with me when I gave birth and we have the best relationship now, I feel very lucky indeed.

Flowers to everyone who hasn't had this, every child deserves to feel loved.

Unobtainable · 13/11/2018 15:59

She sang to me, beautifully (trained)
she washed my clothes by hand
she rubbed my feet all the time
she told me stories, real and imaginary
she played card games/parlour games with me
she made nourishing food
She always stood up for me even if she didnt agree with me
She’d give me her last chocolate/sweet
She’d help me with —sodding— maths homework

God I miss her.

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Sallygoroundthemoon · 13/11/2018 16:05

My mum is a nice person and would be very upset if she knew this but I can't think of anything that made me feel loved.

probablynotrelevant · 13/11/2018 16:11

Nothing springs to mind and that makes me sad. I really hope I don't turn out like her, I love my daughter more than life itself, but I am not sure that is enough to avoid turning into my mother.

jesuispissedoff · 13/11/2018 19:01

My mum did, and does, everything she can to be an amazing mum. But one thing that always makes me smile when I remember it is that I hate eggs, and when I was little so I didn't feel left out by the others having eggs and soldiers, is that she would make my jam on toast into soldiers.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 13/11/2018 19:26

DM was relentless. Second place? Try harder. Bullied? Taught to punch, and if that didn't work, where to gouge. Hungry? Wait or learn to cook. The bits I liked were being left alone, clean clothes, drop scones in the kitchen with the rain streaming out of Wales.

I've answered this sort of thread before, and probably not been entirely fair. She loved us, but the family Asperger's traits meant that affection was something that didn't really occur to her. Also, four DC born in 4 years...not a lot of time for flexibility. You did stuff without question, or you suffered. I know she regretted sending us to boarding school. Later in life we reached an accomodation, mostly around literature, although she believed to her dying day that pre-ground parmesan was a foodstuff.

goforkyourself · 13/11/2018 19:44

My mum did everything for me. Supported me, encouraged me etc. But never hugged or kissed me, told me she loved me. I didn't actually realise mothers did that to their daughters until I was late 20s.

I was gobsmacked when one of my friends told me she used to open a bottle of wine and get drunk with her mum.

MulticolourMophead · 13/11/2018 19:56

Mum did a lot for DB and I, hugged us all the time, taught us to read before starting school, scatterbrained as hell, so sometimes we had some really weird meals, and so much more. I love her, and will miss her to my dying day. Funeral is next week.

FestiveForestieraNoel · 13/11/2018 20:15

So sorry multicolour Flowers

sisterfrancesbeaverhausen · 14/11/2018 02:15

My mum was patient and relaxed, didn't really yell and always believed my side of anything. She fed us and our house was clean. She could be good fun.
But she didn't pay me a lot of attention and didn't encourage me at school or try to help me do well. Christmas and birthdays were always massive let downs.

I'm so conscious of being a better parent but not really always knowing if I'm succeeding or just fucking up in different ways.
I would do anything for my dc. I cook, I bake, I make birthdays and Christmas exciting, I'm always there at school events and sports, I give lots of hugs and affection, I help with homework, I put notes in lunch boxes, I buy treats, I give lots of compliments. But I can also be impatient sometimes and because of my health I get tired easily. Who knows how they will remember their childhood. I hope they have happy memories, I'd be devastated if they grew up and said 'you were impatient and grumpy and a shit mum'.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 14/11/2018 02:17

Let me stay off school on my birthday :)

madcatladyforever · 14/11/2018 02:24

Nothing at all, I have no happy memories of her. I fled the family home at 16. Sorry for he others who feel the same.

Sequinsglitter · 14/11/2018 02:41

She was often busy working but she'd always pick me up from school on a tuesday and we would spend the rest of the day together. She always (and still does) got excited about my achievements whethr they were little or big and i think it really helped my confidence and taught me there's nothing wrong with being proud of yourself

yiskasha · 14/11/2018 02:57

So many things - most of them I didn't even notice until I moved out. I love my mum 😊❤️

MarcieBluebell · 14/11/2018 03:11

She protected me when she was very ill and was fearless

She made great pack lunches on school trips!

She made sure I had child innocence and never hushed me. She liked I was chatty!

Catren · 14/11/2018 03:42

I have a bit of a fractious relationship with mine, but she did do lots of things that made me feel loved:

  • learned to sew so she could make my ballet/jazz/tap costumes for years and years, was always there for hours back stage and watching at all the concerts, taxi service for rehearsals 3 times a week.
  • let me quit piano when i was losing sleep over the stress of exams (always did well but really didn't enjoy at all)
  • hugs and love when i wasnt well
  • christmas was always magical despite not a lot of money
  • worked hard to make me feel special when my adored granny favoured my brother, which hurt.

I wished she had have:

  • helped me gain confidence when i was being bullied at school
  • tried to listen and understand that my terrible behaviour ages 13-15 was down to depression and low self esteem (she still reminds me how awful i was, which hurts as she was the parent)
  • been less judgmental of others, their looks etc. and made an effort with my kooky friends. I've had to work hard for years to mute her judgy attitude from my inner voice
  • focused on us rather than performing for others whenever we were out. It was exhausting, embarrassing and i think made me even more self conscious.

She did really try hard though, particularly given she didn't have a mum to base her parenting on (her mum died when she was small and it broke up her family).

So now with my dc i try to do what she did right, avoid the things that i think she did wrong, and hopefully won't mess them up!

Birdie6 · 14/11/2018 04:00

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

PhilomenaButterfly · 14/11/2018 04:10

Visited me.
Bought me presents.
Always seemed to be on my side if my GPs were being unreasonable.

Moononthehill28 · 14/11/2018 04:14

Very little, just very basic care. That continues on into adult life.

Unacceptable · 14/11/2018 04:33

I've always known that she loved me.
I remember the smell and feeling of being cuddled by her as a youngster, especially when not feeling very well.

Chucknology · 14/11/2018 04:56

This is such a fascinating thread. I think the replies would have been so different if OP had asked about dads.

HeronLanyon · 14/11/2018 05:00

Sorry to everyone who has lost their mum and also to those who don’t have good things to share.

My mother set an example by being a working mother and getting a lot of that balance right.
Instilled a love of travel, food and music.
Despite being quite a ‘cold’ character showed real care when I was ill. Sat with me holding my head together when I suffered migraines as a child.
Cooks for me - although as she becomes elderly her combinations are a bit odd at times !
Tries her best to be the mother we all individually need. I’ve spent ages thinking it wasn’t good enough really but now notice more the small things which for her are actually very thoughtful and show that attempt.
She’s elderly and I’ve come to accept who she is much more over the years. That learning curve for me has been an aspect of mutual love and respect.

vinegarqueen · 14/11/2018 05:10

Gets little things that she thinks I will like (particular biscuits or chocolate, or fruit).

Brings a cup of tea up last thing if I am staying with her and am first in bed. It's lovely.

Darklene · 14/11/2018 05:24

Nothing.

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