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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 06/11/2018 19:50

If i were you I'd be waiting to find out what this is all about straight from her first of all.

flamingofridays · 06/11/2018 19:51

Everyone saying push her into encourage her to have a termination. What of shes adement she wont?

She'll then feel totally unsupported in her decision to keep the baby. Do you think that outcome is better than supporting her choice from the start?

Menolly · 06/11/2018 19:51

Take a deep breath, and ask her calmly, she might not be pregnant, it might be some stupid teen ramblings, or someone elses due date. She might have started buying her own sanitary products, I did as a teen because I was too embarrassed to tell mum actually I'd prefer tampons rather than towels.

If she is, well if she wants to keep it then so be it, ill be standing by her no matter what is imo exactly the right answer and she is very lucky to have a mum who knows whose decision it is. I got pregnant at just turned 15, so many people thought it was their place to try to tell me what to do and it honestly made things so much harder because all I wanted was someone to say 'what do you want to do?' so that I could admit that I didn't know and that actually I'd quite like to talk it through with someone that didn't have an opinion.

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MaudebeGonne · 06/11/2018 19:52

IF she is pregnant, and if she is considering going ahead with the pregnancy you will need to be prepared for Social Services to be involved. Because she is so young they will want to know the circumstances to make sure she wasn’t exploited or neglected (and I am not for one second implying she was but just that they have to look at the worst case scenario) and her baby might be on a Child Protection plan for a while. It is a big strain on families - even the most loving and supportive ones. But at 14 it isn’t a case of “it’s just a baby”. She is still very much a child in the eyes of the authorities.

Unless of course she was a child in care being sexually exploited and groomed but that’s a whole other thread.....

snarferson · 06/11/2018 19:52

You sound like a lovely mum OP. When I was a teenager my DM used to say she'd kill me etc if I got pregnant. I know she was only trying to protect me but it put the fear of God into me and I would never have been able to tell her (although I didn't actually have sex until 16). Even as a 29 year old I was still scared to tell her as a result!

BowTieBaby · 06/11/2018 19:53

You seem more worried about the residential trip?

Toebeans · 06/11/2018 19:54

Hope all turns out ok OP

MynameisJune · 06/11/2018 19:56

Bowtiebaby she’s worrying about her DD’s future ffs. Naturally we think of all the things that will be more difficult, I’m pregnant. Been trying for 19 months, it’s a much wanted baby. But when I got my bfp my first thought was ‘shit I can’t go to Vegas with my friends next year now’

dontalltalkatonce · 06/11/2018 19:57

She'll then feel totally unsupported in her decision to keep the baby. Do you think that outcome is better than supporting her choice from the start?

I for one would have in no way been capable of supporting another child when my child was that age nor could have worked a way to do so financially, space-wise, mentally or physically. This is why I started using LARC+another form of birth control each and every time until I was too old to have children any more (would have terminated if I'd become pregnant again, too). A lot of people simply cannot take on another kid, that's why they stop having them. So if their child rocks up pregnant at a ridiculously young age, what exactly are those parents supposed to do?

BatFacedOK · 06/11/2018 19:58

Then if it's real you've got some big issues with your child. You talk as if she's about 20

dontalltalkatonce · 06/11/2018 19:59

She's very lucky that she has the OP, but there are plenty of parents who cannot raise another child, that doesn't make them evil Hmm.

JessicaJonesJacket · 06/11/2018 19:59

Yy the worry about the residential trip seems rather misplaced and to ignore the enormity of ways your lives would change if your 14-yr-old was pregnant.

CallMePea · 06/11/2018 20:00

Is it her handwriting?
Might be possible one of her friends is pregnant.

Biggiraffe · 06/11/2018 20:01

My dd had a baby recently, she has gone back to school this September , she is in year 11. If you find yourself in the same situation, please contact me if I can help.
I know its far away but just a pointer, she will get Care to learn, its a grant that will pay for a nursery place or childminder whilst she is in full time education.

flamingofridays · 06/11/2018 20:01

So if their child rocks up pregnant at a ridiculously young age, what exactly are those parents supposed to do?

Well you could answer that. Force them into abortion?

Im in no position to raise another baby i dont have the room the money or the inclination but id have to find a way. I couldn't force anyone into abortion or throw them out.

hiddeneverything · 06/11/2018 20:03

Aw OP you sound like a great, supportive mum. Good luck x

Caaarrrl · 06/11/2018 20:03

I hope for the best for you both OP, but I find it hard to believe that a 14 year old would play silly games like writing down names and god parents etc. That seems like something that much younger girl might do. They would not write down a pretend due date either.

You seem to be prepared to help her and support her though which is marvellous. Fingers crossed that all the PPs saying its a game are right and I am wrong.

hiddeneverything · 06/11/2018 20:04

Aw OP you sound like a great, supportive mum. Good luck x

Loyaultemelie · 06/11/2018 20:04

Good luck with the talk she's lucky to have a mum she can talk to

HackAttack · 06/11/2018 20:04

To be fair I'm leaning more to those who get that 14 is very much a child. When has she had enough unsupervised time to get pregnant??

MistressoftheYoniverse · 06/11/2018 20:05

Infinitely smarter than encouraging a 14-year-old to do anything other than terminate.

Wow...Good job that didn't happen in my family eh? 2 generations gone at the suck of an abortionists cannula.

OP I think your daughter is very fortunate to have a mother like you supportive, loving and understanding willing to be there for her whatever happensI hope everything works out for the best Flowers

flamingofridays · 06/11/2018 20:06

hack dss gets home from school 2 hours before we do.. he also goes out with his friends on a weekend. Not that hard to imagine when it could have happened.

siakcaci · 06/11/2018 20:07

When has she had enough unsupervised time to get pregnant??

And the stupidest comment goes to.........

Calzone · 06/11/2018 20:08

Oh goodness
What a situation to be in.

I sincerely hope she’s not.

Downeyhouse · 06/11/2018 20:09

You sound lovely and your daughter is lucky to have you (pregnancy or not).