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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 11:25

don't believe a 14 year old can claim benefits

No they can't. The mother of the teen parent can claim the benefits on her daughter's behalf till she reaches 16. Or, if the teen parent doesn't have the support of a family member to do this. She can ask the outreach worker...who would receive the money on the teen parent's behalf and will give this to her etc.

Tinty · 07/11/2018 11:27

I hope your DD isn't pregnant OP, but for what it is worth, I think you sound a fabulous mum.

flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 11:28

taylor

well my nursery is in walking distance, if not there is buses. It costs what a tenner a week round here for a pass if youre under 16 and the baby would be free. That tenner can come out of the CB she will get for the baby.

You're making it seem impossible when its not.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 11:28

What if the parents income exceeds the benefits cap? Would the household income be considered or just the child's?

notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 11:30

Transport to and from childcare. The reality is a 14 year old has next to nothing as means go. So they absolutely need to find out how they are going to make money. A good 14 year old can't work Monday to Friday so they will need to pay someone to watch the baby

Like I said. There are childcare grants for under 20's who are still in full time Education.

OP's daughter is 14 and will have a free student Oyster Card. Travel wouldn't be an issue...money wise.

I wouldn't advocate working and studying at the same time. If it can be avoided. But that's just me. The Op's daughter can study during term time but can take a small job in the summer holidays and work then. The care to learn grant funds childcare costs over holidays too.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 07/11/2018 11:32

This is going to be hard, you have to do everything. You need to work, pay and go to school. You have to deal with teething you have to pay for nappies and get your life together. You will not be going out on weekends or ever OMG with your friends and you will not have money to spend on yourself.

This sort of lecture would have made 14 year old me more determined to continue with a pregnancy to prove that I was capable.

flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 11:32

taylor well that would be something that needed looking into, but I wouldn't convince someone to terminate based on their benefit entitlement, would you?

you seem particularly invested in this, so maybe have a look on the gov website.

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 11:32

Oyster card? And for those who do not live in london and travel is pretty much relying on mums taxi?

flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 11:33

how do you know she is relying on her mum?

have you never been on a bus?

dss gets a bus to and from school every day... we do not drive him!

Pinkyyy · 07/11/2018 11:33

Wow so many mixed opinions on this thread. See how it goes tonight with the test and take it from there OP

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 11:33

I'm not overly interested. It's an interesting conversation while I watch my 15th hour of peppa Pig.

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 11:35

I don't know she is. It's hypothetical. But I know transport around here. And for the times needed to get to childcare and then school it would require driving. I wouldn't be able to do that. So what's the alternative. Sorting all of this out could take months. And then it could still end up awful.

Terminating is time sensitive. That's why I'd want answers fast.

notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 11:37

What if the parents income exceeds the benefits cap? Would the household income be considered or just the child's?.

I think ! If your responsible for another human being..regardless of who your living with and their income. It wouldn't effect the teen parent's entitlement to benefits. If the teen parent's mother is receiving benefits, this could effect hers but as the teen parent is a student, I'm sure it wouldn't effect it....students are EXEMPT when it comes to benefits etc.

flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 11:37

she also might live somewhere that a nursery is in walking distance, or she might learn somewhere that also has childcare on site.

"terminating is time sensitive"

yes it is, but again you cant push someone into it because a baby inconveniences your life.

so what if you cant drive her, she gets a bus, a train, uses her legs.

You're catastrophising.

you seem utterly convinced that a 14yo having a baby is not at all viable and that everyones life would be hell. Why?!

AamdC · 07/11/2018 11:39

Why would people who dont live in london have to rely on mums taxi? Are you assuming ee dont have public transport outside od LondonHmm

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 11:40

I'm not in London. There is no appropriate public transport in a lot of the country.

flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 11:42

i'm not in London either, their is plenty of public transport near me and I am not in or near town centre.

There is 2 primary schools in walking distance, and 1 high school. There are several childminders and a couple of nurserys I could walk to.

Town is 1 bus away. There is a bus station and a train station in town.

unless op lives right out in the sticks in the arse end of nowhere, transport probably wont be a big issue.

notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 11:44

I'm not in London. There is no appropriate public transport in a lot of the country

Then she will need to take into account how she can factor in transports costs for school and childcare. She can either use some of the benefits to pay for transport. Look at a local nursery which is a short walking distance from home. Or employ a nanny, who is OFSTED registered to take the baby to nursery/ childminders etc.

AamdC · 07/11/2018 11:44

Well we dont know where the op lives do we , i live very close to a large town centre in the north west of England publuc transport is very good here , it might be where rhe Op lives too or she may live in the middle of nowhere but we dont actually know.

canyouhearthedrums · 07/11/2018 11:46

What a terrible situation OP, really hope for your sake never mind hers that she isn't pregnant. A 14 year old cannot look after a baby without a lot of family support, financially and emotionally. I remember that Underage and Pregnant series and whilst many of them made good mums it would not have been possible without their parents help. Everyone in the family said they loved the child but wished it came 10 years down the line.

It depends how you present it

A girl in my class got pregnant at 14 which was something very unusual. Her partner was 17 and they got a council flat and I remember her telling us that she was going shopping after school for wallpaper as she got a grant for decorating it. Quite a few girls loved the thought of getting their own place and felt that having a baby was a great way to do so. The next year her 3 friends all had babies.

A 14 year cannot offer a baby anything without a great deal of support from family. It should never be presented as something positive. On the Underage series there was one girl who really stuck out, I won't mention her name as she got a lot of online abuse, however her mother said she (the girl) had wanted a baby from the age of 8 and started TTC from age 12 Hmm She let them have sex in her house as she didn't want them "doing it in the bushes". I wonder if her parents hadn't been so keen on the idea of being young grandparents if the girl might have at least finished her GCSE's first.

kateandme · 07/11/2018 11:49

friend found the actual positive pregnancy test in dd bin.so there was no doubt.
she put it into an envelop with a letter saying "I found this today luv.is it yours.no shame no guilt.just a mum that love you and is going to be with you no matter what the answer is.ill be in my room.either come to me or text me and ill come and give you a hug no matter what you say ok."
dd text yes back.
friend text her saying im coming in.
she went in and held her tight.it started the pregnancy off in the best of ways.
now not all can begin like this I understand that but op you sound like a wonderful mum so you can get through it.

Wazznme · 07/11/2018 11:51

Good luck. Really hope she's not pregnant. What a lot to deal with.

YearOfYouRemember · 07/11/2018 11:52

If she was pregnant but not due yet would the test give a correct result or are you assuming she's more like eight weeks if she is?

notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 11:52

A 14 year old cannot look after a baby without a lot of family support, financially and emotionally

Your right. Of course. But this could be said the same about older parents or some single parents who rely on their parents to support their child whilst working etc. But I do agree, the 14 year old would need a lot of family support. But I don't understand why is this a bad thing ?

Borntobeamum · 07/11/2018 11:55

Just reading this OP, and all my advice would be to be there for her, whatever the outcome. She's still a child and by having her Mum give her both Love, and time, you will both get through x