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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
BITCAT · 07/11/2018 09:24

ChardonnaysPrettySister i am by no means saying that at 14 having a baby wont be destructive..i am simply replying to Colditz stance that termination or adoption is a better option for said child, neither option is going to be easy. They each come with problems and potential issues.
I am saying that its not all that bad if the child has the correct support and parents that care enough to listen to their child.
We have a high pregnancy rate in our teenagers where i am, whilst many do struggle financially, emotionally or are just far too immature to raise and put a child first, a few do amaze me, some complete school, go on to college and uni and make a very good life for themselves and sometimes is the absolute making of them, yes everything is much harder juggling a baby with school and still trying to grow as a teenager but some do it well.
We as parents are here to advise and guide, we give them the information and then we have to let them make the decision based on the information and facts given to them and ofcourse what they feel is best for them.
My teenagers dont always take my advice, i just have to be there when it goes wrong to help pick up the pieces and support them. Mistakes are how we learn, even is parents make mistakes so of course children are going to make some mistakes, its how we deal with it that matters. I wish you and you daughter all the best OP.

QueenoftheNights · 07/11/2018 09:30

Dawn, you need to tell her all thes tuff you have told anon posters here!

1 That you don't believe her
2 That she appears to have missed 3 periods
3 That the list in her bag- for fun' is something you don't believe.

IF she is PG the fact she has a list like that shows how immature she is- who the fuck thinks of godparents when they are pregnant at 14 (it's like she is some fantasy world and has NO idea of the reality of a baby!)

You need to sit her down and not allow her to wriggle off the hook when you ask her anything. It's quite clear someone like her would deny being PG as they are shit scared of admitting it to their parents.

You need tpo spell it out to her- IF she is PG she has a A CHOICE- and every day counts, so she should n't lie.

If she wants to keep the child, her diet etc is important or she risks having a child with special needs or physical disabilities- spina bifida.

rainbowruthie · 07/11/2018 09:33

Just sending kind thoughts to you and your daughter Flowers

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NotSoThinLizzy · 07/11/2018 09:38

Wish I had a mum that was this supportive. I got pregnant at 15 she forced me to do a test while she waited outside so I put the stick in water so it gave a negative. When I did tell her at 12 weeks she stopped speaking to me for 2 months. I coped 😊 now DD is 9 this month. And my relationship is sorted with mum after some heart to hearts

sashh · 07/11/2018 09:41

Just to drop in a different possibility.

At college a girl thought sh was pregnant, told her mum etc but it was actually a cyst.

Maybe go down the missed period route, but have a test ready as well.

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 09:47

So you were extremely immature and endangered yours and your unborn child's health @NotSoThinLizzy

StaySafe · 07/11/2018 09:48

I went to a naice girls grammar school in the 70's. We were a very "butter wouldn't melt" little group but most of us had sex well before the age of consent, from 14 onwards. Our parents did not find out because we were very devious in our ways. Only one girl got pregnant and had to leave, she brought up her lovely son and married a nice bloke with a good job - much like many of the group really. Years later two of my friends have had daughters get pregnant in their mid-teens (though a little older than op's daughter). They both went to uni, one is a head teacher now and the other an accountant, the father of the first baby went into business with my friend's husband and the family as a whole has flourished. There are no hard and fast rules. I know if it had happened t me and anyone had said I was on the scrap heap I'd have moved heaven and earth to prove them wrong. OP, there is no one right path, it depends on to any variables.

OuchLegoHurts · 07/11/2018 09:58

I'm sorry, this is ridiculous.

MrsMarigold · 07/11/2018 10:00

If she is pregnant, it's not the end of the world, she has a supportive family and can continue with her education so chances chances are she will be fine.

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 07/11/2018 10:01

18 pages of people bickering and at times getting quite nasty over a note written by a 14 year old girl! I think everyone needs to chill out!

For what it's worth a friend of mine at a similar age told everyone at school that she was pregnant (she wasn't) she'd go around sticking her belly out, she was in complete fantasy land. She even timed the due to to be over the summer hols. When we went back to school in September people asked if she'd had the baby, she replied yes and said a weight and the name she'd given!!! I'd seen her over summer, there was deffo no baby. I said nothing to her or to anyone asking, I just thought it was weird/funny. I think it was her way of trying to be cool and make everyone think she was having sex (she wasn't).

I'm hoping your daughters scribbles are just like this friend of mine, made up fantasy trying to make other girls think she's sexually active.

I'd still make her do a test for my own peace of mind, but don't get in a tizz just yet. Hopefully she isn't pregnant.

JessicaJonesJacket · 07/11/2018 10:01

15yrolds are immature so are 14yrolds. They can also be in denial.

Angelil · 07/11/2018 10:02

Thinking of you and your daughter @dawnc27 and wishing you both the very best.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 07/11/2018 10:04

Some really awful posts here OP. I think you're being calm, collected and you know your daughter best.
I hope you find out soon and can support your DD in making a decision that is best for her.

AdoraBell · 07/11/2018 10:04

Haven’t RTFT, only the OP’s posts.

dawn well done on talking to her calmly, and making the pregnancy test available for her.

JellyBaby666 · 07/11/2018 10:04

With my midwife hat on (although not currently), the earlier she accesses maternity care IF she is pregnant the better. It gives you, her, social services and school enough time to ensure a good plan is in place if she wants to have the baby, and also time to consider her options if she doesn't want to continue the pregnancy. Hopefully you can talk to her about doing a test tonight and I hope it's negative, ultimately pussy footing around this doesn't change it though. You need to be the parent, and tell her she needs to take a test for her own wellbeing and any potential pregnancy. You or her burying your heads in the sand won't make a pregnancy go away. Good luck OP.

ree348 · 07/11/2018 10:05

Good luck!

HowlsMovingBungalow · 07/11/2018 10:11

All the frothing ... hopefully OP is off to purchase a pregnancy test

reallybadidea · 07/11/2018 10:12

Well to add to the anecdata, I have a friend who got pregnant at 15. She has had several abusive relationships since and her daughter ended up on the children protection register. Fortunately my friend got her act together, went to university and has a fairly decent career. Her daughter however left school with no qualifications, is in an abusive relationship and has had two unplanned pregnancies that her mum has had to arrange. Yes this could happen to a child born to a 30 year old, but statistically teenage pregnancy is a big risk for child poverty, low educational achievement and the crappy life that goes with them.

amusedbush · 07/11/2018 10:14

All the frothing ... hopefully OP is off to purchase a pregnancy test

OP has already said she has a test...

SirVixofVixHall · 07/11/2018 10:14

Your dd will be fifteen and a half by the time she gives birth, if she is pregnant and wants to have the baby ? I do know women who had babies at 17 , so not hugely older, and while it was difficult it has been fine long term. Obviously no one wants their child to be pregnant but when girls have good family support, which you are clearly giving, then at least they can be helped however they choose to proceed, whether they decide to terminate or to carry the baby.

StaySafe · 07/11/2018 10:19

SirVixofVixHall I agree entirely, if OP's daughter is pregnant it will be her decision what to do, and it sounds as if she will have all the parental support she needs.

flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 10:22

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 07/11/2018 10:22

But how does someone at 15 cope with a baby? No income? No housing?
School?

Wouldn’t it be fairer to say that their family cope with it?

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 10:27

@flamingofridays she will be in school 8-3 so hypothetically a child would have to be in childcare 7-4 Monday to Friday. I know people who've used that and their nursery bill is close to £1K.

If she's is pregnant and she is first thinking of God patents then the reality is she is a immature child who hasn't considered the realities. I wouldn't go in with OP willing to have the child at home 24/7 because she can't promise that. The child will need to work out how she will accrue funds to provide for her child.

I wouldn't mince words.

If I was a parent and my 14 year old told me they were pregnant with their 15 year old boyfriend I'd be asking when they won the lottery.

Because shot costs money. And I wasn't the one who had unprotected sex so I'm definitely not the one getting fucked.

flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 10:33

taylor there are some places you can go where your child will be looked after on site for a lot less than standard nursery fees, or for free. There are grants available and op has said herself she's a SAHM so she MIGHT be able to help out (if she wants to) with childcare.

Its not the end of the world, and no all the responsibility doesn't fall on OP.

if she was my daughter she would be doing EVERYTHING whilst she was at home. I wouldn't be changing nappies, washing bottles or doing any of the hard work because its not my child. I would however make sure the baby had food, nappies and somewhere to sleep but I would expect my child to fully understand that I didn't HAVE to provide that, and in due course she would have to get a job / apply for benefits and support herself.

There is no point kicking off like fuck, because you not only lose your child, you lose your potential grandchild. That relationship is irreparable.

Yeah, nobody wants their 14 yo daughter to get pregnant, shouting and screaming and making shitty sarcy comments about lottery wins makes you look like a prick.

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