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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
Original poster
dawnc27 · 07/11/2018 08:22

actually plants, twins do run in my family. my dads side actually, 2 sets of them and 11 kids in total i think. im not sure as we dont have anything to do with his family but if any troll huntng bingo playing genealogists want to contact me i can give them the details and they can look it up them selves and it would be interesting to know......

as for everyone saying i need to make her do the test, yes i know but just exactly how am i meant to force her to pee for me? she still has school so i cant lock her up until she hands me a cup of pee can i, or follow her every move
i did say earlier i had tweeked the dates a little so thats why i know its still safe to wait a week. when i got her pads back in july or so i did a bulk buy of enough to last a few months
im not going to go into the details of why i hadnt took her to be put on the pill yet as some are very outing but its not a simple case of i couldnt be bothered and yes maybe i was a bit naive and thought i had more time to do so. atfer all there is a fair divide of posters saying my 14 year old is not sexually active and those who are saying theirs is so its not a case of oh shit shes 14 best get her to the docs

OP posts:
AamdC · 07/11/2018 08:26

The boyfriend is just fifteen dogsdinner so technically they have both broke the law .....

Whisky2014 · 07/11/2018 08:27

Well, id be saying if you are old enough to have sex and risk becoming pregnant, you now need to take responsibility and take this test so we can get dr appointments and guidance put in place. Go and take this test.
You seem very relaxed..

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Families
Witchesbritches · 07/11/2018 08:29

Yes, the OP sounds excited about it.

i said i wasnt upset about this, dont by any means take that as me saying that i was HAPPY about it, of course no parent wants their kids to be having kids at such a young age. i had my 1st at 20 and i still think i was too young

...and this...

i am gutted about it. I’m angry with myself...

Yep, she sounds excited 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Stop being so nasty.

IceRebel · 07/11/2018 08:31

as for everyone saying i need to make her do the test, yes i know but just exactly how am i meant to force her to pee for me?

You could sit her down and explain that yes she denied it yesterday, but if she is pregnant then she needs to know as soon as possible to ensure the baby and herself get the right help and advice. If she really is pregnant then this is just the start of putting the babies needs first, and she needs to know that although she's scared you're not mad but want to make sure she and the baby are ok. If she keeps denying she's pregnant then say the test will prove her right . Either way taking the test isn't negotiable.

Original poster
dawnc27 · 07/11/2018 08:31

am i fuck more than happy to take over her responsibilities if she is!!!!
i said i COULD help out, i didnt say i would or was looking forward to doing so!
im now of an age where my other kids are growing up and i have more freedom hence the voluntary work as im doing a sorta on job training to learn a new skill. my other kids do have SEN but hopefully they will lead independent lives so im busy with their needs too and also being a carer for my mum so along with general life stuff im fairly busy as it is so yes i could step up to help it doesnt mean it would be simple or something id be happy about doing long term but i would

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 07/11/2018 08:36

Well you might not even need to think about that If she isnt pregnant. You need to find out first.

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 08:36

Then if she is you need to tell her that you have to much shit going on and she will need to step up!
Part of making an informed decisions is laying out the facts.

DistanceCall · 07/11/2018 08:37

OP, YOU NEED TO FIND OUT.

justforareply · 07/11/2018 08:40

I had to organise a TOP a couple of years ago. Straight forward enough in one way - told bpas who GP was and they arranged appointment
BUT Marie stopes were not offering services at that time and BPAS v booked up. The appointment offered was 3 weeks laterAngry
There are no private providers of TOP locally (large city with many towns in adjoining urban area) so had to go to London privately. It was an eye opener re waiting times and service availability

reallybadidea · 07/11/2018 08:41

want to make sure she and the baby are ok.

Fgs don't start referring to it as a baby, it's not a baby yet. It is a pregnancy which can be ended, but start talking as though it's a person and of course she won't want to terminate!

I know this won't be a popular view, but part of my 'chats" with my teenagers has been that we are really lucky in this country to have access to safe, early termination, while the pregnancy is still a developing embryo. I don't want their heads being filled with any pro-life nonsense about it being a baby or a "life".

IceRebel · 07/11/2018 08:42

Another thought, and it's not a nice one but if she's still in the first trimester then there's still a high risk of miscarriage. Going through that with support is hard enough, but if no one knows she's pregnant and she miscarries then that would be devastating.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 07/11/2018 08:43

I'm starting to think that the OP wants her DD to be pregnant and is just stalling so it will be too late for an abortion when she 'finds out.

JellycatElfie · 07/11/2018 08:45

Christ what a bunch of nasty unsupportive posts Confused seriously?

DistanceCall · 07/11/2018 08:45

Fgs don't start referring to it as a baby, it's not a baby yet. It is a pregnancy which can be ended, but start talking as though it's a person and of course she won't want to terminate!

^This.

Termination is a perfectly valid option - and I would argue that definitely the best one at 14.

But you need to find out, OP. This is ridiculous.

WhingyNinja · 07/11/2018 08:46

I don't know how anyone can read the OP's final post and then still go on to say they think she secretly wants her daughter to be pregnant. Madness!

IceRebel · 07/11/2018 08:47

Fgs don't start referring to it as a baby, it's not a baby yet. It is a pregnancy which can be ended, but start talking as though it's a person and of course she won't want to terminate!

The Ops original post mentions the daughter having a list of names, godparent choices and due date. Yes the pregnancy could still be terminated but it's clear the daughter is already thinking of the fetus as a baby, so using the term fetus isn't going to change that.

Although the harsh reality of what a baby entails and how little the Op will be able to help, may help the daughter realise she doesn't want to have a baby just yet.

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 08:47

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Nicknamesalltaken · 07/11/2018 08:48

OP, FWIW I think you are handling this with care and compassion.

I do think you need to investigate and implement terminating the PG but only because it is an option, and if it’s somewhere in place (as far as it can be) then it will be accessible and maybe a little less traumatic for your DD? But I do only say that to make it a choice, rather than a foregone conclusion.

My DD is about to turn 14 and I can’t imagine how I would react. But I think you are doing ok.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 07/11/2018 08:48

Sorry, where exactly are the nasty posts?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 07/11/2018 08:49

I cannot believe you are just accepting her saying no as enough proof for now that she is not pregnant. No 14 year old is going to admit to their parents that they might be pregnant when asked directly.

I think it is foolish to wait another week this issue needs resolving as soon as possible. If she is not pregnant then great you move on. If she is then she needs to seek medical attention sooner rather than later and god forbid what if something goes wrong like she has a miscarriage between now and the back end of next week?

I think you are quite foolish to be honest, you seem more concerned that you might ruin your relationship. You need to act like a parent not her friend.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 07/11/2018 08:50

If the OP doesn't want her to be pregnant she would be finding out if she was ASAP. She certainly wouldn't be wasting time and 'waiting until next Week' when she doesn't know how far along she is (If she even is pregnant)

reallybadidea · 07/11/2018 08:50

I don't think the OP wants this, but I do think that she's got a lot on her plate and is struggling to know how to deal with this and is also trying very hard to be a 'cool mum' by being calm and not getting angry. I think the prevailing narrative with parenting of teenagers over the past 20 years has been about being calm, not getting angry, giving them freedom, treating them as adults etc as opposed to the authoritarian upbringing many of us have had. Sometimes teenagers need some firm guidance!

Mossend · 07/11/2018 08:50

I really feel for you op, you're obviously trying to do your best by your DD to let her know you'll be there for her but I do think you have to sit down with her and get her to take a test for your sake as much as hers. If she's adamant she's not most teenagers would be delighted to prove their parents wrong so it would worry me if she refuses.

Yes getting pregnant at 14 may not be the worst thing in the world in the great scheme of things but it also miles away from being the best thing.

DistanceCall · 07/11/2018 08:51

If she is [pregnant] then she needs to seek medical attention sooner rather than later and god forbid what if something goes wrong like she has a miscarriage between now and the back end of next week?

Again: she may also want to terminate.