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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
tumpymummy · 06/11/2018 23:16

You have more patience than me! I would want to know tonight if my DD (same age) were pregnant or not.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 06/11/2018 23:22

Mose you really think some mums with half a brain cell want their 14/15 yr old DDs to be pregnant with all that entails? wow!

Jungster · 06/11/2018 23:24

is she home yet? it's 2323. I agree that the kindest thing you could do would be to arrange a termination. People shrugging over a 14 year old pregnant and saying it's not the end of the world. Please. Be sensible.

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lauryloo · 06/11/2018 23:26

You sound like a lovely supportive parent OP

rainbowquack · 06/11/2018 23:29

Well played. I am pleased you haven't forced her. At least now thé conversation has started and she doesn't need to worry.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 06/11/2018 23:35

People not expecting a life to be snuffed out because of inconvenience are sensible too imo...its not the end of the world

CJsGoldfish · 06/11/2018 23:45

you really think some mothers want this fir themselves and their daughters?

I really do.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 06/11/2018 23:50

Why CJ ?

siakcaci · 06/11/2018 23:51

jungster

She was home HOURS ago

BarMcBarsen · 06/11/2018 23:52

I agree @CJsbarfish. I think it would be a tragedy to get pregnant at 14 but there are definitely mums on Mumsnet who get quite excited about their children having children. The right thing to do is absolutely present abortion as a real, sensible choice. And if the child choses to have the baby then you deal with that.

littlemisscomper · 06/11/2018 23:55

I agree that the kindest thing you could do would be to arrange a termination.

Bullshit! You can't just decide to 'Arrange a termination' for someone else, it has to be their decision! The OP's daughter needs to know her mum is their to support her, which I'm sure she will.

OP, it might not be anything. I went through an extremely broody phase at that age. It's possible that she's half pretending to herself that she is pregnant. I remember a couple of girls at my school did that. I agree that a doctors appointment, ASAP, is the way to go.

AamdC · 06/11/2018 23:56

I have never once seen a mumon mumsnet excited about 14 yr old having a baby i habe beenhere 9 yearsHmm

BarMcBarsen · 06/11/2018 23:56

I got pregnant at 17 and my mother encouraged me to have an abortion and the second I said yes she took me to a clinic as soon as she could. No faffing about waiting for the nhs. Best thing she ever did for me and I'm forever grateful

reallybadidea · 07/11/2018 00:03

14 year olds need their parents to parent them and guide them to make sensible decisions, which I strongly believe in the case of young teenagers would be to have a termination.

All this "presenting the options" like they're all equally acceptable choices is ridiculous. No sensible person would present contraception as being just one option to prevent pregnancy, the other being to do nothing and hope for the best. Why one earth wouldn't you strongly advise a termination?

Yes, yes, there are always a few people for whom having a baby was "the making of them". But babies shouldn't be born as some kind of occupational therapy, they deserve to be born to parents who are emotionally and practically ready to bring up a child.

I think the OP is crazy to just wait another week and see what happens; if her dd IS pregnant then that week could mean the difference between a medical and surgical termination or even make it too late for a termination at all. The OP admits to burying her head in the sand over contraception and now she seems to be doing it again.

BarMcBarsen · 07/11/2018 00:07

Excellent post @reallybadidea !! Couldn't agree more.

Italiangreyhound · 07/11/2018 00:15

OP I really do not think you can or should arrange a termination for her. It will be her choice. Flowers

notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 00:16

occupational therapy ? Huh. That's a profession....

LittleMe03 · 07/11/2018 00:20

You sound very calm OP I couldn't imagine being in your situation 

pallisers · 07/11/2018 00:23

Excellent post @reallybadidea !! Couldn't agree more.

Me too. If it was my 14 year old I'd be having the conversation tonight - I found this piece of paper. Are you pregnant?

My youngest is 17 now. The thought of her being propelled into motherhood is shocking enough. At 14 it would be appalling. I was born to a 17 year old mother myself. It did a fair number on her life - some for the good, some for the bad, none of it welcome to her.

Pieceofpurplesky · 07/11/2018 00:25

Have you spoken to her again?

PlantsArePeopleToo · 07/11/2018 00:41

I hope twins don't run in your family OP.

LudoFriend · 07/11/2018 06:36

I hope all works out for you both OP.

Birdie6 · 07/11/2018 06:44

I got pregnant at 16 - when my mother asked me if I was, I said over and over "No of course not ! ". I was so upset and I knew how disappointed she was going to be. I finally caved in and admitted it after she'd asked about 20 times. Don't take the first answer because it's likely to be "no" when in fact she might still be pregnant.

BTW my mother ended up organising an abortion for me. Best thing she ever did.

nottakingthisanymore · 07/11/2018 06:56

I can’t get my head round the waiting a week thing. If she is pg she needs proper pre natal care. She also may want a termination and find that impossible. If she is mature and your relationship is strong then you ask her out right.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 07/11/2018 07:07

I agree with colditz. She is a child herself she’s not even old enough to work a job be in receipt of any benefits. The stalk reality is not many 14year old mothers go on to be mega successful and still together with their babies df. I got pregnant in my 20s final year at university, ex cheated on me and left me as a single mother with a baby, I went out and got a job. I met dh later on and had more dc but it was completely different experience having dc in a more stable happy environment with a loving partner. I can’t fathom how more difficult it would be at 14years old. I would be devasted if it was my dd and I think sharing my experience with her would highlight the reality of how hard it is raising a baby is especially more likely she will be doing it on her own. It certainly isn’t like you see on the programme teen mom. I think it’s important she has all the fact including speaking to someone who had a child similar age who can be open and honest so she can make the best decision for her.

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