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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
cocobean26 · 06/11/2018 21:32

I teach RSE at secondary and I dispair about the parents on this thread who claim that their daughters aren’t allowed boyfriends, aren’t allowed in the same room as a boy, aren’t allowed out etc. Your daughters need your advice & guidance as much now as they did when they were toddlers. They need your advice about their sexual health and safety, they need to know from you, why condoms are preferable to the pill & they need you to help them to take responsibility for their own sexual health. I hope this has a positive outcome for you & your daughter OP. You sound like a great Mum.

Opheliasgoldenwine · 06/11/2018 21:32

@PiperPublickOccurrences I think the OP OJ's being wonderful and understanding about a potentially very difficult situation. I wish my mum was as understanding and I was 19 when I got pregnant. 15 year olds can/do have sex, and unplanned pregnancies at that age do happen. It's not ideal but I think the OP is being lovely about it and understanding.

trippingoverrainbows · 06/11/2018 21:33

14 year old girls will have sex if they want to have sex. No amount of 'parenting' will change a girls mind from having sex to not having sex.

Those that are surprised by a 14 (almost 15) year old having sex are very naive. OP being more angry/upset/forceful with her daughter isn't in anyone's best interests as it will not change the situation they are currently in

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Opheliasgoldenwine · 06/11/2018 21:33

And I believe the OP said she had big plans for college/uni, not to be a parent 

Chimchar · 06/11/2018 21:34

I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation op.

Parenting teens is a fucking tough job. You sound just lovely, and for what it's worth, I think you are handling this in the right way.

I hope your dd is ok and not pregnant. Sending huge hug for you too. Xx

Petalflowers · 06/11/2018 21:34

You sound very supportive. Well,done on having the chat. It sounds like it went well and she knows you are there for her,

Opheliasgoldenwine · 06/11/2018 21:34

@dawnc27 perhaps encourage her to take folic acid just in case?

IStandWithPosie · 06/11/2018 21:35

If it were my daughter I'd be distraught, devastated and totally blaming myself for not parenting her, not educating her, not giving her something to aim for other than being a parent at 15.

Helpful to no-one in the situation

Certainly not taking the "well if she is, she is and we'll make the best of it" line.

Helpful to everyone in the situation. Because let’s face it, if she is pregnant, you can’t reverse it by being distraught, devastated and giving yourself a kicking. You will have to deal with it. OP is realistic enough to see that. You seem to want OP to beat herself up over this?

Accountant222 · 06/11/2018 21:36

My son got a girl pregnant when he was very young, I was a granny at 42. It's not the end of the world, one more, is better than one less.

Hope it's a false alarm

MrsSchadenfreude · 06/11/2018 21:37

Well that was a bit of a non-conversation with the DD, wasn't it? Confused Why leave it any later? The longer you leave it, if she does decide she wants an abortion, the harder it will be.

Tattandthis · 06/11/2018 21:39

Why would you potentially leave her pregnant for a few weeks??

She's 14

Get the test and tell her to pee on it or you'll be taking her to the GP tomorrow.

Madness.

Original poster
dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 21:41

actually no she didnt really answer my question of had she slept with the boyfriend, who is just 15 for those who asked. her reply was im not pregnant mum each time or cant believe you think i am.
i dont think im being blase about it all, i am gutted about this, yes angry with myself for not having the talk with her about the pill/condoms. if i could go back i would do it differently but i cant so i dont see the point in beating myself up for something i cant change. i would rather concentrate on the here and now and what can be done in the future.

im not perfect, i dont claim to be, we all fuck up at some point. show me someone who says theyre the perfect parent and ill show you a liar
im just trying to do the best i can, if thats not good enough for the posters who are slating me then i really dont give a flying fuck. its not your opinion that matters

OP posts:
Tahani · 06/11/2018 21:42

Opheliasgoldenwine And I believe the OP said she had big plans for college/uni, not to be a parent

and? a lot of girls have big plans that get completely fucked because they get pregnant...

Original poster
dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 21:43

and yes i do agree, our conversation is not over. its on hold for tonight thats all, i will be making time for just me and her tomorrow afternoon when my husband is home to look after our younger 2 and we will be having a proper chat

OP posts:
mama17 · 06/11/2018 21:43

You sound like a lovely supportive mother!

MistressoftheYoniverse · 06/11/2018 21:43

Well I don't think it's weird its realistic...you dont know the whole situation but a child may be conceived and that child is your
grandchild ...does this mean you should crawl into a corner and cry no...does this mean you were the worst parent ever?...probably not but who knows..having a pity party for yourself solves nothing..you need to be strong for your child

Opheliasgoldenwine · 06/11/2018 21:43

@Tahani the poster I was addressing in my previous post said that OP's daughter shouldn't be aspiring to be a teen mum and I was pointing out that she wasn't planning that and had other plans such as uni. HTH.

IStandWithPosie · 06/11/2018 21:48

I was a teen mum and i denied it when my mum asked. She asked me to POAS and I refused. Called her ridiculous and told her I’d had my period. I eventually confessed when I was 16 weeks and starting to show. She’d known all along. Sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear but it just sounds so familiar.

yes angry with myself for not having the talk with her about the pill/condoms.

Don’t be. My mum had all the chats. Numerous times. Drummed it into me not to get pregnant. Life would be ruined etc. Even did it with my boyfriend too. We were still careless. Some teens can have all the warnings in the world and it won’t make a bit of difference.

Knitwit101 · 06/11/2018 21:48

Maybe she's already on the pill or some other contraception which is why she hasn't had periods, or they've been lighter and you haven't noticed? Can 14 yr olds get contraception without a parent?

mycatplotsdeath · 06/11/2018 21:50

For the poster that asked about my sister.
We found out at 5pm on a Friday when her waters broke.
She had a boy.
My mum was absolutely devastated by it all.
My sister wasn't allowed to go back to school, she got basic tuition for English and maths for a hour a week.
She spent her life doing crap jobs for little money.
Her son on the other hand , is a well educated lovely young man and my sister was a fantastic mother.

nottakingthisanymore · 06/11/2018 21:52

Not wanting to derail the thread really but I will challenge this assumption that you can’t stop your kids having sex. Plenty of us had boyfriends at 14 and didn’t have sex. Myself included. I had loving, caring parents who talked very openly and honestly with me about sex, relationships, consent and pregnancy. I didn’t have sex at 14 as I knew I was too young to cope with a baby. I am not saying you can stop all teens from having sex but to say you absolutely cannot stop them is inaccurate. I don’t judge people whose kids end up as teen parents. It’s partly down to luck what happens with your dc. Not all dc will listen to their parents advice. But please don’t assume that it is a forgone conclusion that 14 year olds will have sex. Some teens do respond to guidance telling them it’s ok to not have sex. That’s just as important as telling kids about contraception. The two go together IMO.

Villanelle123 · 06/11/2018 21:52

Agree with a PP. You could have spoken to her numerous times about condoms/the pill and still be in this situation so please don’t blame yourself.

Is she happy in other aspects of her life? I only ask because looking back I think I used pregnancy as a means of escaping other issues in my life. I was 18 so a bit older and facing different things to a 14 year old.

Grah0SoontobeaFitty · 06/11/2018 21:53

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6demandingchildren · 06/11/2018 21:53

If she is she is probably so scared and probably doesn't want to disappoint you, I was a teenage mum and I was made for the job as I have a wonderful relationship with my kids, it's not always been easy and I have made many mistakes and I did it without the help of my mum, I hope you get through this xxx

AamdC · 06/11/2018 21:55

Some of the posters on here are ridiculous i dont think anyone thinks a 14 yr old girl being pregnant is ideal , but if she is she needs a mum who is sensible and supportive not a mum who is wailing and beating their chests to talk through all the options

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