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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
Foggymist · 06/11/2018 20:57

I would be insisting she poas actually.

goodnessgrace · 06/11/2018 20:58

Of COURSE you can insist she pees on a stick

Caaarrrl · 06/11/2018 21:03

Definitely get to do the test. She is still a child and you need to know one way or another. You said yourself that you don't quite believe her.

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Attractedtopie · 06/11/2018 21:03

she started her periods about 18 months ago, and they have been regular since the 1st one which is why i have been questioning it.

When I first started, mine were completely regular. After a certain point, it all went haywire and I never had regular periods again. Just because she started off having them regularly doesn't mean they will necessarily stay that way.

Original poster
dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 21:04

sorry no, at this moment in time i will not insist she pees on a stick, maybe a different story in a week or so but not yet.
my reasons for this is i had a mate who insisted her dd did and the fall out for her being forced was huge and i wont risk my relationship with my dd like that unless i really need to.
i do have a test to hand, she has been told about it and where it is and that she can use if if she feels she needs to, wether to prove me wrong or whatever.
a gp appt will be booked for the back end of next week no matter what

OP posts:
Whitelisbon · 06/11/2018 21:04

All of you who's 14 year olds aren't allowed boyfriends, etc, have absolutely no idea what they are up to.
A friends 14 year old dd is "not allowed" boyfriends. She's had dozens that I know of, is considered "easy" and has already had a termination without her mum's knowledge.
I know all this as she came to me for help, as she knew she couldn't talk to her mum. She's now on the pill, and has a supply of condoms, there's nothing else I can do, but I'm trying to keep her healthy. If I go to her mum, she'll hit the roof, and the poor kid will have no-one to go to next time anything happens.
Please, all of you, bear this in mind when you're telling your daughters they're not allowed boyfriends.

Temporaryanonymity · 06/11/2018 21:05

Have you asked her if she has had unprotected sex?

RainbowsArePretty · 06/11/2018 21:07

Whist do you hope to get out if the GP app't? Is it to discuss contraception or pregnancy? As my GP won't test for pregnancy

peachypetite · 06/11/2018 21:11

Seems highly likely that she is if she is lying about having had a period.

NancyJoan · 06/11/2018 21:13

Hopefully she’ll test tonight/tomorrow. Sorry, OP, it’s pretty grim.

CathKidneyston · 06/11/2018 21:15

Also what about the boyfriend who has broken the law?

Thankewe · 06/11/2018 21:15

I’d ask her to test

CathKidneyston · 06/11/2018 21:16

If they’ve had sex I mean? I know you don’t want to be too high handed but there are some things that you can’t avoid dealing with.

MynameisJune · 06/11/2018 21:17

I would ask her outright. Waiting weeks at this stage isn’t doing anyone favours. If she is pregnant and decides to go down the termination route the longer she buries her head in the sand the worse that will be for her.

You need to be the adult now and take the lead.

AamdC · 06/11/2018 21:21

The dd may also have briken the law Cath if the boyfriend is also 14.

flamingofridays · 06/11/2018 21:21

cath if theyre the same age shes broken the law too.

PatchworkElmer · 06/11/2018 21:21

Hope it works out ok OP. The note does sound very odd if she’s normally a ‘grown up’ teen.

Thismum4 · 06/11/2018 21:23

Just want to say you sound like a fantastically supportive mum OP, I hope you get the answers soon.

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 06/11/2018 21:25

Technically they will both have broken the law if they are under 16. In reality the police will not be bothered as long as the sex was consensual.
OP, you sound amazing and I hope so much that things work out for you and your DD Flowers

Mum2jenny · 06/11/2018 21:26

whitelisbon I agree with you. Young girls need to have a safe space where they can get the info and support they need without any judgement. That's what I tried to provide to my dd and her friends. You have done the same and it's really heartening to see other parents providing a safe space for teenagers in such scenarios.

BoooForYou · 06/11/2018 21:26

I'm so laughing at all the "my 14 y/o isn't allowed near boys or to have boyfriends"
Christ.
My mum was like that and to her, me and my sister were like nuns.
Except we really were not at all, I lost my virginity at 15 and my sister at 14, she was underage at a nightclub when she lost hers. My Mum thought she was at her mates house studying for a test. Both of us had scares. I got so sick of her I left home at 16.
You are far better off being like OP frankly, or you will be entirely ignorant of what ridiculously dodgy situations your offspring could be getting themselves into. There is such a thing as rebelling against authority.
I've learnt from my mother and my DD and DS are far more open with me, they can pretty much ask me anything.
Enough with the pearl clutching!

Tahani · 06/11/2018 21:27

she needs to POAS as you need to have a plan either way - either a strong discussion on contraception and sexual safety - or what is going to happen if she is pg

if you have a good relationship, she wont mind checking

ThisIsWhatItSoundsLike · 06/11/2018 21:27

Just playing devils advocate and from experience (work with adolescents) your daughter could have already seen midwives by herself.
Also if she insists on seeing the gp by herself she can, none of them are obliged to tell you what has been discussed within the consultation.
They will of course encourage her to tell you but ultimately she will have the final decision.
I would keep trying to speak with her and get her to talk to you by choice.
Hope everything works out for, not an easy situation from anyone's perspective.

PiperPublickOccurrences · 06/11/2018 21:27

14 is ridiculously young to be pregnant. OP, your attitude to all of this is really weird. If it were my daughter I'd be distraught, devastated and totally blaming myself for not parenting her, not educating her, not giving her something to aim for other than being a parent at 15.

Certainly not taking the "well if she is, she is and we'll make the best of it" line.

Just awful. Poor, poor girl.

KitKat1985 · 06/11/2018 21:28

OP did your daughter tell you whether she had been having sex or not?

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