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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
DaffydownClock · 06/11/2018 20:38

Your DD is very lucky to have a Mum like you OP.
I had a horribly rigid childhood and wouldn't have dared to have sex at 14.
My mother's attitude at so-called accidentally discovering the pill in the bottom of my handbag was to completely lose her temper and call me a slut. In fact I didn't even have a boyfriend, was taking it for severe dysmenorrhea and was living in a nurses home tightly controlled by a harridan of a 'warden' who manned the door virtually 24/7.

Princesspeachy0 · 06/11/2018 20:39

Hoping your DD isn't pregnant but if she is sounds like she will have the support she needs in whatever she decides to do. Flowers

jbee1979 · 06/11/2018 20:40

Bear good luck

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TheHobbitMum · 06/11/2018 20:41

Good luck

YourVagesty · 06/11/2018 20:42

Good luck OP.

For what it's worth, I used to write out stupid things like this with my friends when I was a teenager. So it's probably fantasy-land stuff. Fingers crossed for you.

toolazytothinkofausername · 06/11/2018 20:42

Hoping this is one big misunderstanding

CJsGoldfish · 06/11/2018 20:43

you cannot force a 14 yo to abort her child if she is against it, no matter your opinion is
No, you can't. You can hope that you've raised them to be smart enough to know that it is the best option. Thinking anything else just shows how immature and NOT ready they are for motherhood.
Because they will NOT be raising the child. They'll get to play 'mummy' but a 14yr old cannot raise a child.

KittyLane1 · 06/11/2018 20:44

Thisiswhat I completely agree, I would never force my child into an abortion, I'm not sure that is even possible, certainly not legal.

I would however, be making it incredibly clear that she would not be forcing me into being a loco parent for her child. And that if she made the very adult decision to keep her child then I would be expecting her to act in a very adult way and raise the child.

bobstersmum · 06/11/2018 20:45

Your dd is very lucky to have such a lovely mum, but I've no idea how you are so calm about it!

AamdC · 06/11/2018 20:45

Not if it was consensual sex withba boy of the same or a similar age Hack.and legally neither of them can consent .

Original poster
dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 20:46

katseyes7 is right, im not more concerned about the residential trip! it was just one of the 1st things that popped into my head that would change. when i said talk me down i thought it would be obvious that i wasnt thinking straight as i was in shock so yes i was rambling and thinking out loud.
my dd is a normal 14, very shortly to be 15 year old. of course she will tell me sometimes and be open with me but on the same hand she will also need her privacy.
when i said i wasnt upset about this, dont by any means take that as me saying that i was HAPPY about it, of course no parent wants their kids to be having kids at such a young age. i had my 1st at 20 and i still think i was too young.

anyway, ive picked her up and we had a bit of a chat. i mentioned the lack of periods and she says that she did have one on holiday and is due next week. tbh i do not believe her as she packed no pads or tampons, theres no marked pants been put for the wash and the dates she says she went swimming but i cant exactly force her to pias really cant i?!
so for now i guess its a case of watch and see, if theres no sign next week then i will be a bit more insistent on either going to the docs ( which actually i may do to get her on the pill) or take a test

OP posts:
YourVagesty · 06/11/2018 20:46

@Colditz I agree with everything you have said.

PepsiLola · 06/11/2018 20:48

Your DD is lucky to have you as a mum OP! You come across lovely.

I hope the conversation goes well, 14 seems so young when I think back to myself at that age, but I suppose quite a lot of teens are acting and looking a lot older now.

SpottingTheZebras · 06/11/2018 20:49

Must admit I'm astonished at a 14yo that can work out due dates or has thought of godparent. Plenty of adults can't figure out due date calendars without a lot of help.

Then these adults really need to learn to type three words into a google search engine and then input a date. Clearly there is hope for us all yet since 14 year olds are evidently much smarter than plenty of adults!!

MistressoftheYoniverse · 06/11/2018 20:50

unknown my mum was 17 when she had me during the 70s and I will always love her for having the strength and resilience to keep us all she had 3 of us by 21 and she studied between cleaning jobs to become an accountant...she had no support from her parents

MimsyBorogroves · 06/11/2018 20:51

Maybe leave a test where she can find it easily in the bathroom?

MistressoftheYoniverse · 06/11/2018 20:51

lol @ Zebras

SpottingTheZebras · 06/11/2018 20:52

I wondered this too, my 14 year old is never allowed on her own with boys at school or home. certainly not in a situation where she could have sex and become pregnant.
As for boy friends I just wouldn't allow it, far too young at 14, look what can happen.

That’s hilarious. There speaks a parent who is so naive they genuinely have no idea of what their child is up to and what’s even worse is that they clearly believe it.

I’d also love to know what schools are so attentive that they ensure there is never any chance of a boy and girl being alone, even for a fraction of a second, in a room together.

This is the exact situation where a child lies and lies and lies to a parent about what they get up to.

cjt110 · 06/11/2018 20:52

OP I don't know how you haven't insisted she take a pregnancy test. It would be wracking my guts.

I remember being 14. I had a boyfriend and wasn't sexually active but, for whatever reason, my period was late. My mum twigged and was convinced something was amiss and if I recall correctly I had to POAS. So bloody humiliating but now, as an adult, I understand.

I wish you and your DD well whatever the outcome Flowers

loopylass13 · 06/11/2018 20:54

You could get a test and then have a frank discussion on what you found with what you suspect. That no matter what she says, for your peace of mind you need her to take a test and you will support her no matter the outcome. If not pregnant, she has no reason to deny taking a test. I know its pushing into her privacy but you have to know so you can guide her.

FishesThatFly · 06/11/2018 20:54

Why don't you just ask her outright?

Original poster
dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 20:55

oh and the list is just a joke between her and her mates......
no, sorry im not buying that. shes normally more grown up in her actions than doing something like that as far as i know
im just not believing her story to explain it all away tbh, its that little niggly gut feeling and its been there a few weeks now

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 06/11/2018 20:55

My dd had a friend who got pregnant around 14 and didn't know what to do, so I put together info on support groups for young mums and details of where they could get terminations if they required that info as well as pregnancy testing kits. It was available for my dd and her friends if they needed it. I was always available for further info if she wanted it. Not sure how much the info was used but it was there for them to access.

My dd has not had a baby so far, so it seems to have worked.

Dorunjon · 06/11/2018 20:57

I would be insisting on her testing tonight tbh.

Call it an intervention if you like. She's 14. A child.

katseyes7 · 06/11/2018 20:57

@dawnc27 That sounds like a plan. l'd be inclined to take her to the doctors to discuss going on the pill, and see how things go from there, if nothing becomes apparent either way between then and now. l think you're an amazing mum, l wish mine had been like you. Your daughter is very lucky to have you, and l hope things turn out for the best. xxx

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