Do you and your family have your own names for shops and cafes?

[Davespecifico]

It would be funny if you had done the same as ours. We have:
Kitty Shop = H & M
Yoghurt Cafe = Pret a Manger
Jan Loos = John Lewis (in honour of MIL's Smethwick accent).
Blue Cafe = Cafe Nero
Toy Tax = Build a Bear

There is a large furniture shop near me called Arighi Bianchi, known to all in our family as Argie Bargies.

@ImNotWhoYouThinkIAm
Agree about Heelas for JL, but surely it's SpendaCentre not Savacentre now Sainsburys?

Dunnez Boutique very common name for Dunnes in NI. (Man I miss Dunnes for their cheap kids’ clothes!)

M&S has always been referred to as The Blessed Saint Michael in our house - usually when you have provided food for a family get together and someone asks if you made it, or where you got it - all the thanks go to The Blessed Saint Michael.

To combine the 2 points above - if you bought something from the above mentioned Dunnes we used to jokingly refer to it as The Blessed St Michael’s cheaper younger brother. (Just as M&S used to be branded St Michael, Dunnes used to be branded St Bernard.)

Sports Direct is known in this house as The Seventh Circle of Hell. My DC know that if we have to venture in nothing else will be achieved that day and we will need to immediately retire to a coffee shop afterwards to lower my blood pressure! (On the upside - the family joke has inspired my 13 year old to read some of Dante’s Inferno!)

HIlary we call it Argie Bargie too

Oh and TK Maxx is Tacky Maxx.

And we still refer to shops by their old names. So the shopping centre in a town close to where I grew up is still referred to as Woolco even though it hasn’t been called Woolco for 20+ years. There is also a cafe in my home town that we call The Green Bike. It used to be called The Green Bicycle many, many moons ago (again - probably about 20 years ago) and has been renamed/realaunched many times since, but it’s still The Green Bike to us.

My 5yo calls M&S "Marks and Spensive"

I refer to a local cafe as the Hotpot cafe because that's what it used to be called. It's been called something different for at least 5 years, if not longer. But to me it is always the Hotpot.

Another shop is known to me and DH as the Local Shop for Local People because the woman who worked in there was a bit strange and unfriendly to us but was transformed into a much nicer woman when one of her regular customers came in. She stopped working there about 10 years ago and the new staff are much nicer.

Kwiksave - Kwik-e-Mart (like in the Simpsons)

Years ago XP and his colleagues used to refer to the pub next to their office (which was actually called The Red Lion) as The Magnet; i.e. you couldn't walk past without being 'dragged in' and you couldn't leave because you were 'stuck there'.

My mum has referred to the local supermarket as ‘Fine Fare’ for as long as I can remember. It has been a Somerfields and various other things since it was ever Fine Fare... I don’t think I was even alive at that point, to be honest

My colleague laughed when she complimented my blouse and I said it was very expensive, designed by Giovanni Matalani

The coop = Co-op

My granny calls it ‘the coap-er-ay-tiv’. She also pronounces communal as com-yoon-yal though, so I don’t pay much attention

My Granny used to pronounce the Co-op the 'Cwarp'

In my own mind, H&M stands for hit and miss, as in it's a load of rubbish, but there are a few good things.

DP and I generally cannot talk about the Spanish supermarket Mercadona, without singing Hey Mercadona to the Macarena tune.

Horrids. For Harrods.

Tescos is Teskimos in our house and KFC is Panty-Fried Chicken - My OH takes the DC there for chips when they're driving up north to visit his dad - I think it comes from DD mishearing or mispronouncing it when she was tiny, and it stuck :)

Weight rose for Waitrose

An old boyfriend used to call it that, and said that was what it was called. He worked on the meat counter.

I prob just add extra letters and call it wait trose myself !

Primarni of course for Primark like everyone but I do hear a lot of pre- mark.

Dirty Debenhams for Debenhams as used work for a rival and they called it that !!

Pret a muncher for Pret

And I've borrowed from Sarah and Duck and call all department stores the big shop apart from Dirty Debenhams

Tesco is Tesky Tesc - no idea why.
Currys is Cherry's due to a childhood mispronunciation by my daughter.
My wife also inserts "fucking" between the "The" and the "North" in The North Face Store.

But I know why that is.....

Shatalan
TK Shites (as I hated working there)

The Fighting Cocks is always The Aggressive Penises (Penii??)

Sainsbury's = Sainsbourg (like Serge Gainsbourg)
Aldi = Al-DIE (we also call Andi Peters AnDIE).
Mister Waite and Mister Rose
Arm and Leg - our village shop

Oh and DB used to call the Co-Op the 'Co-Down' when he was little; it stuck.

Sainsbuggers

Hilary and jiltedjohn I read Jilted's post and immediately knew where you were talking about. It's always been Argie Bargie to us too.

In Australia. We seem to like to give ‘faux snobby’ pronunciations to low-cost/bargain shops.

So the cheap beauty store- Priceline- is given an Italian twist to Prisseleenees. Target is always pronounced as if it is French, to rhyme with beret. With irony, of course.

My dd mispronounced sushi as slooshi when she was younger, so now all our family calls any sushi place that. The nearest one is called Slooshi Slooshi, and had a hygiene scare a couple of years ago. Always makes me think that some extra ‘sluicing’ would definitely be a good idea!

Costcutters = cocksuckers

Forgot one! Costa = Costa Lotta.

Lidl is ‘Lidl, lidle, whatever the feck it’s called’ (from a silly YouTube song)

McDonalds is McDuttys (dutty being Jamaican patois for dirty ...DH is Jamaican origin)