Do you and your family have your own names for shops and cafes?

[Davespecifico]

It would be funny if you had done the same as ours. We have:
Kitty Shop = H & M
Yoghurt Cafe = Pret a Manger
Jan Loos = John Lewis (in honour of MIL's Smethwick accent).
Blue Cafe = Cafe Nero
Toy Tax = Build a Bear

Aldi- called the lorry shop by my grandson as there was always lorries going past.
Asda- wrong- way round shop, as when you look at yourself in their CCTV viewer as you go in the image is backwards. Try it next time you're in one; me and the grandson spend ages lifting arms out and lifting our legs and seeing the opposite one on the camera. Great fun!
Waitrose- grandma's shop cos I work there.
Charity shop- toy shop.
Other charity shop- cat and dog shop(RSPCA)

Sainsbo’s

Chavda

SqueezyJet

Ryanscare

I’m sure I’ve got more...

Oh, my bf calls Matalan = Mataland

Dunnez.

Argooose (thanks to the ad).

Fred Tesco

Fred Sainsbury’s

In fact there are a lot of Fred’s in my family lingo.

Cafe Nero = Cafe Nerd ( DD , learning to read )

Old Macdonalds is McDonalds.

Chorrisons - Morrison's

Atrium cube - B&Q

Morrisons = Morribobs
McDonalds = M.C.D's (pronouned em see dees)
Any cafe = Fays (because we're northern so pronounce it caffy, like taffy, but my kids for some reason pronounce it caFay, so all cafes are now called Fay)
Dominos = Mo's
Home Bargains = Homey B's
B&Q = Hewitts (because of 'you can do it when you b&q it)
There's a particular pub we go to that's 'The White Pub' (funnily enough because it's white)
There's also 'The Pony pub' because they have a pet sheep that roams around as if it were a dog - I've actually just realised that that makes no sense and I don't know why it's not 'The Sheep Pub'

Yes! Yes we do...
Sparks and Mencers = M&S
The coop = Co-op
Hot moc bing bongs = Macdonalds
Our office (blocks A-D) used to have ‘E block’ = the pub next door

Tescos is stresscos in our house. Pets at home is pets fart from back when it was pets smart. Asda is nanas shop Sainsbury's is sainsbos or orange shop. Old mac donalds for any fast food burger shop. Sparkeses for m&s

The White Swan - The Mucky Duck

I forgot ‘the bread and water shop’ = local corner shop
‘God’s waiting room’ = a quiet local pub frequented by elderly neighbours

Wagamamas = wangernums (as in, the reverse round of Numberwang)

Sainsbury's = Sainsberries

Tesco= Frescos

Asda = Slagsda (thats DH's doing)

Not quite the same but DH and I call the nearest newsagents "The Local Shop for Local People" because they're very paranoid about 'new' people in there and usually you have to wait 10 minutes to be served until Tubbs Carol finishes chatting to a Local Person at the counter.

We often say "I'm off to the Local Shop for Local people, shall I get you a Can of Can't?" Then the other replies "Yes, get Twelvety" and we fall about laughing. We're very weird.

My dds call a big shopping mall about 30 miles from us, the big boobie place because it has 2 domes on top that look like a pair of boobs.
My dd1 came up with that when she was about 3 and its stuck!

Not a shop but related. Friend of mine in remote area calls close-ish neighbouring house ‘ugly house’. It’s oftenbreferred to when thinking through directions to take etc. It’s so ingrained it’s become dangerous as I’ve almost said it to owners when I met them in village ‘oh I know, you’re from ugly house’ etc

redyoyo ha ha ! We call a service station ‘the titties’ as it’s by two tors on the moors which have given it that name. Frequent ‘shall we stop at the titties?’ ‘I need to fill up at the titties’ etc. So ingrained had forgotten it was even a thing. It’s actually never a word I (an adult woman) use!

DS recently renamed Debenhams to Denebums.

Not a shop but there is a meeting room where I work that is room 321. Therefore:

"Which room are we in?"

"the Ted Rogers Memorial Suite".

Morro's - morrisons
saino's - sainsbury's
Crapalan - Matalan
Gregory's - Greggs
Willys - Wilkos
Shitty Next - Next!
River - River Island
Noo-luke - New Look
DP - Dorothy Perkins
Sparks - Marks & Spencer

Homebase is known as the Cockshop, as some enterprising person took to their original 'Cookshop' sign with some paint. Or Homobase. 
Debenhams is Dobbos
M&S is Magics. Or Sparkles.
Dorothy Perkins is 'Both Holes' due to DP being a porn term for double penetration.
New look is Nuevo Viewy
River Island is Ryland
Iceland is Bejams -there's one for the teenagers!

Makro is "Chewittttttttttttts" said in a reverential tone.

DS was 3 and his favourite sweet was Chewits. He was having a mega tantrum in Makro then we went into a sweet aisle which was floor to ceiling Chewits. Magically his tantrum ceased and his eyes went big and round and he uttered reverently "Chewitttttttts" with such a look of rhapsody on his face!!

PPs have mentioned giving pubs innocent sounding nicknames (the aquarium and E-block), a friend's wife used to work in a school - apparently if some of them were meeting for a quick drink after work they referred to the local pub as 'the library'!

We used to call a local pub ‘the annex’. So did our clerks when solicitors would call late in the day ‘I think they may be in the annex’

Up until closing down, my mum always still called BHS British home stores. In full, every time.

M&S = S&M

Primark = Primarni (I think I know more people who use that than it's actual name)

B&Q = Boring and Quiet