Do you and your family have your own names for shops and cafes?

[Davespecifico]

It would be funny if you had done the same as ours. We have:
Kitty Shop = H & M
Yoghurt Cafe = Pret a Manger
Jan Loos = John Lewis (in honour of MIL's Smethwick accent).
Blue Cafe = Cafe Nero
Toy Tax = Build a Bear

My parents call Ocado och-ah-doo, I'm not sure they actually know they're pronouncing it wrong though .

When I was a teen it was the height of wit to refer to long defunct shoe chain Freeman, Hardy Willis as three hard willies.

And there's a cafe near my in laws old house that will always be known as the grey vegetable cafe, I've completely forgotten what they're really called, but they do specialise in very well boiled vegetables.

Wagamamas is Wigawammas here after dh’s colleague misnamed it

Our local co op is still known as rainbows because that was the previous name of the shop.

A friend and I refer to petrol stations as brown bread shops, after an Eddie izzard sketch

Billy Magics = B&M
Teggos = Tesco

My DS when younger used to call our local Chinese takeaway Wot-u-want, rather that wok-u-like

Oh -Kay-Dough - Ocado

The rose that waits - Waitrose

Jean Louis (in French accent) - John Lewis

Holey Foods - whole foods

Our very long standing, and hugely popular, halal butchers closed a couple of years ago . The shop on that site now sells blingy stuff and techy accessories. Conversations revolve around "I bought my iPad cover from the 'halal butcher'". I've got no idea what the new shop is called!

I love och ah do (do, do, shake pineapple, push the tree). Brilliant.

Just remembered wusmith too, for WHSmith.

Oliver Bonas is Oliver's boner

We have quite a few charity shops in our town and I can never remember which one is called which so they’re all [street name] charity shop. Or sometimes Turkish barber charity shop. Because it’s beside the Turkish barber. Chinese take away which has changed hands and names many times is still refered to as the surname of the man that owned it almost 30 years ago when I was a child despite it never being named his surname even when he owned it. Oh and another Chinese take away is still called old name from years ago because it’s funny. Not sure if i should name it. Or it would out me.

Primary is Primani
DS called Starbucks Starcrooks, now we all do and when he was learning to read he thought Cafe Nero was Cafe Nerd and we’ve called it that ever since.

Sainsbuds / Sainos = Sainsbury’s
Bargain Homes = Home bargains

Our DC call the big Tesco "the cheese shop"
It has pictures of different produce on the outside of the building...... Including a cheese.
Took me absolutely ages to work out what they were on about

WooHoo Smith = WH Smith

TK Maxx = Tuk max

Primarni
Pret a Manager
Johnny Lulus
The cottage cheese shop - wholefoods market, the only thing I buy there is cottage cheese!
The dinner shop - m and s foods
Stinkbucks (not because we don’t like it or it stinks, we’re just silly)
Harris and Hooley

Sports Direct = Sports Jumblesale.

Ex mil and current mil call matalan mataland!
Sainsburgers for Sainsbury's

The co-op is the Coop (like chicken coop)
Marks and Spencers is S&M
Chiquitos is Chiquitita

Going for a carvery is known as a cavalry

Oh and Starfucks.

Freddie’s - WH Smith. Goes back 50 years, no idea why.
Spotty Cafe - local cafe which the owner painted with spots a few years ago. But widely known locally as the Spotty Cafe now.
Orange shop - B&Q
Cold swimming pool - self explanatory !
Foundland - Poundland
DFC (Daddy’s Favourite Client)/The German Supermarket Baron - Aldi

Morri-clogs = Morrisons

Oh yes. Starbucks is Buttfucks 😳

Growing up the local fishmonger was The Wet Fish Shop to distinguish it from the chippy. My dad once embarrassed himself playing the children’s edition of trivial pursuit with his boss’ children and giving that as the answer to “what sort of shop sells fresh fish?”

We had a Tesco Local open a few years ago but for the first few days the sign outside was missing the “S,” it’s still referred to as Tecos among the locals.