Do you and your family have your own names for shops and cafes?

[Davespecifico]

It would be funny if you had done the same as ours. We have:
Kitty Shop = H & M
Yoghurt Cafe = Pret a Manger
Jan Loos = John Lewis (in honour of MIL's Smethwick accent).
Blue Cafe = Cafe Nero
Toy Tax = Build a Bear

Sainsbugs

Thought it was just my mum that said this 

Not a cafe or a shop, but our fave is McShite!

Marksies = Marks & Spencer’s.
Star Bar is Starbucks my dd used to call it that as a toddler.
Primarni = Primark

Home bargains = home bobbins

my daughter when she was little _Marks & Spensive

We have started calling Aldi, All-di. But that's just a pisstake cos my dad pronounces it weird.

Pets at Home is Pets R Us in our household.

Caffe Nero's is Cafe Nerds (or just Nerds) because they insist on using an O that looks like a D.

All pound shops are "it's a one pound" after a shop in Durham yonks ago, which was proudly called "it's a £1".

Also, any company who's name is a tricksy merge of two words is pronounced exactly how it is spelt. So travelodge is Trave Lodge, Flybe is flibe, Spud u like (not sure if they even exist any more) is spudoolikay and so on. They ask for it, frankly.

Places like B&M, are all called the faldadly shop, Lidl’s is pronounced Lid - dels.

Lol we call Primark Premarche to make it sound posh.

Our code for McDonalds is 'Do you fancy a farmers?' Old MacDonald...

My parents used to call McDonald's adder farm (old macdonald had a farm)

I afraid we call Asda 'Chavsda' 😬

Marks and Spencer's = Marks and Sparks
C&A (RIP😢) = Coats and 'Ats
Woolworths (RIP😢)= Woolies
B&Q = Buggers and Queers (obviously not referenced out-loud these days as I have young DC - it's a throwback to my 1990s student days when my flatmate pondered out-loud what the letters B&Q actually stood for. It kind of stuck for a long time - DH was a bit the first time I mentioned it. Eek - I probably should've kept this one quiet)
Tesco = Teskimos
Sainsbury's = Sainsbugs

My son couldn't pronounce Sainsbury's when he was little, he once had a melt down in the car park wailing "BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO SHNEEEBBBLEEYYSS" it's been Shneebly's ever since.

Crapalan = Matalan
Primari = Primark
We also name parks so we have Mummy's Park Granny's Park etc 😲

We also say,

The Alldee
The LIEdl

Gail’s (ridiculously overpriced, vairy chichi cafe) I hilariouslycall Gregg’s.

Marks and sparks - M&S
Primani - Primark
Humvee - HMV
The dolphin shop - Local chippy (DD mistook fish on sign for a dolphin when tiny, it stuck)
I also refer to a lot of places by their original names that they had when growing up which have now changed (circle k, starburger, etc etc)

John Lewis is called ‘The Nice Mr Lewis’ by us for some reason.

Robert Dyas and Ryman are called a mishmash of ‘dyman’ ‘ryas’ ‘Robert Ryman’ because for the life of me I cannot ever sayntheir names correctly.

‘Homebase’ we call ‘home help’.

We tend to call most off licences ‘the victo vino’ after old ‘Victoria wines’.

Star of the bucks - starbucks
Pretzo - Prezzo(because every other person I know pronounces an invisible T that drives me fucking crazy

Morrisseys = Morrison's

Not a shop but the aquarium is the aquari - airy - um

The co-op = the kwop said in a west country accent

Wagamuffins and wagamummins
Smuggles..smiggle
Kelko..kiko
All from my mum as she mispronounces everything!

‘Aquarium’ is coded word shared by me and one other for when we want to nip away from tedious meeting or work do. It’s a local pub. God knows why we chose such a difficult word to drop into conversation but if one of us says it it basically means see you there in 10/15. Never failed us. Never been rumbled.

The shop with wings - marsh mills Sainsbury's in Plymouth.

The Asda and the aldi

Little shop - lidl as opposed to the big shop - Morrisons.