My dh died this afternoon. Please hold my hand through this.

[DeadZed]

We have four distraught dc. the police are still here. I don't know what to say to people. I don't know what to ask when they offer to help.

So very sorry OP. Sending 💐💐 and lots of love. Xx

I’m so sorry. I’ll be thinking of you all.

Sending you love. Take all the offers of help from your friends and family. Make sure to take time alone to cry and be angry and regain your energy.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry op. I lost my DH 3 years ago. Please come and join us at widowed and young when you have a moment to stop and breath. It does cost about £25 to join, but the support you get from there is invaluable. I could not have got through it without them all.

I am so very sorry. I lost my DH 2.5 years ago. I'm not jewish, but Jewish people have s tradition of sitting shiva for 7 days. During that time you sit with people who visit with food. Sometimes in silence. Sometimes you talk. This is how it turned out for us. It was a comfort.

Accept all help. Ask for food if they ask. Touch and hugs. It is a time of basic needs. The best advice is one day at a time. Breath. And in time join widowedandyoung it is a lifeline to know others when are in the same position. Xxx

Oh, OP. We are here if you want to talk.

Oh, god OP, my heart goes out to you and your DC.

My OH died suddenly 9 years ago - here's some thoughts on what would have eased some of the burden on those first unspeakable few days:

The MN bereavement forum is a godsend. There will be empathetic people on it all through the night as, like you, they will be up at strange hours.

Cry. Don't even try to hold it together when you need to howl. It hurts so much that you feel like the pain is cutting you in two. Giving into the crying, will help bring a release for those many moments of excruciating pain.

Get someone else to do your shopping. Not just because you won't be thinking straight, but because shop assistants will ask you 'how are you today' and you won't know how to answer. Best to avoid it if you can - believe me.

A previous poster said get someone to deal with the flowers -YY to this. The last thing you need around you is a house full of wilting flowers.

Winston's Wish is an incredible charity as PP have said. Child Bereavement UK was also a life line to me, along with Widowed and Young (sorry, that name will seem harsh and uncomfortable at first ).

This first week will probably be the hardest thing you've ever done. Get through it two minutes at a time. I remember alternating between desperately wanting people to tell me we'd be OK, and then feeling really angry with them if they told me we'd be OK.

A huge, huge, huge, huge hug to you and yours, OP.

I’m so sorry 💐

I'm so sorry op

I'm so sorry

I am also so sorry for your loss. I have one bit of practical advice which I am sure you are not ready for but may be useful information. There is a government website called tellusonce.gov.uk that was really useful. Be kind to yourself x

I am so sorry

Awful bloody bloody awful
I am so sorry to hear

My friends partner committed suicide a few weeks ago it was horrific and she is bereft

What has helped her initially is seeking out medication to get her through the first days so she can just untangle herself

Speak to them for help so that you have that option

Xxxx

So Sorry

Thinking of you and your DC. Remember that nothing is certain yet. Accept all the help you can for now. One poem that has helped me when I’ve lost close ones is this: Do not stand at my grave and weep... It may be too soon to think about readings etc but I read this at my father’s (sudden) funeral and in a way it made us all feel a bit better. Love to you all. Keep posting. There’s a lot of love for you all here on MN. xx❤️❤️❤️

I'm so very sorry

Oh you poor thing, so , so sorry , the shock must be overwhelming, I am so sorry

So sorry DeadZed. My husband died completely unexpectedly last year and I also went through the police statement and post mortem stuff.

You will likely be totally numb now, do whatever it takes to get through in the short term. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions about the process or anything else xx



 to you OP xxx

I’ve been in the exact position you are darling. My DH died nearly 3 years ago. Our DC were 4 and 5. He was desperately unwell (addiction and depression). It is still unclear whether he took his own life or if it was misadventure. The inquest gave a narrative verdict.

The first few days are very surreal. Do whatever you feel you need to do. Take whatever help you can get with the DC. I didn’t sleep for days. I ended up staying with my dad for a week so he could look after the kids while I slept after the doctor prescribed me diazepam. I remember laying in bed in my husbands coat crying for an entire day. I went out for a run on day 4 or 5 and ended up putting my fist through a bus stop as I was just so angry with the world for dealing me this shitty hand.

You will get through this. You have to for your children.

PM me at anytime.
Thinking of you

I'm so sorry for your loss. From a practical point of view, when you go to register the death, buy a few extra copies of the death certificate as everyone that you need to deal with will want an original. Also, take the registrar up on the "one time" suggestion (basically they tell everyone government related in one go).

Make sure you sleep, sleep and more sleep. My mum passed away recently and I struggled as I was so mentally exhausted all the time.

Lots of cuddles, expect the DC to act up a bit and be a bit clingy. Lots of you time with them.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, even if it's just someone to come round and chat with. Or even if it's just someone to come and sit with you.

Make sure you eat, ask a friend or family member to bring you some ready meals, or something for your freezer so you can just bing it in the microwave.

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs.

Xxxx