My dh died this afternoon. Please hold my hand through this.

[DeadZed]

We have four distraught dc. the police are still here. I don't know what to say to people. I don't know what to ask when they offer to help.

Just a morning post. Please call your gp today if you haven't already.

Sorry x

Oh my gosh OP, what a horrid situation.. the police in your living room, your children just finding out their father died and you so shell-shocked, you post on a public forum while it’s all happening. I hope you have rallied your family around your children so they can get as much emotional support as they can.

Thank you again for everyone's kind words.

I have spoken to the dc's schools, they are very supportive. Two dc have decided to stay at home today and two have gone in.

I've called Dh's best friend and broke the news to him.

I don't think I slept more than thirty minutes during the night. Feel tired and sick now.

We had to wait for the police, the detective inspector had to come too because it was unexpected and we were not allowed into the lounge until she was satisfied. I sat with dh a little and then we all retreated upstairs while the undertakers came.

God, you poor thing. Wishing you strength and peace for this most difficult time and those to come. 

I can't imagine your profound pain, Zed and have no words of wisdom but
want to let you know my thoughts are with you dear lady.

Oh, little morning hand-hold here

You're going to be fairly busy for the next few days, talking to people, organising stuff. Do give other people practical tasks to do for you. Do rest while you can.

Also, do ask some friends to be ready to help out, with food, practical tasks and company, in the week and more after the funeral. Once the initial practicalities are out of the way, time will seem much more empty.

So sorry for your loss. Another holding your hand.

I am so sorry for you all 💐

I am so sorry too You will get through this, but it's one day at a time - sometimes one minute at a time.

My best friend went through the same, with small children. She asked folks for a dish of food for the freezer when they offered help -something simple like bolognese, or chicken/veg that she could just defrost and pop on pasta, or with baked potatoes when she didn't feel like cooking.

She also found rainbows a big help www.rainbowsgb.org

Also reposting what Knitting posted earlier for you, in case you missed it among the other messages

Can I suggest that you have someone look at the Bereavement Support Payment for you because the last thing you want to be worrying about is money. This was the only money I received before I had to pay for the funeral, they made the lump sum payment in two weeks. I had savings but if I hadn't I would have been living on fresh air until the pension companies got everything turned around.

www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment

Thinking of you. Theres a good book about the practicalities called "What to do when someone dies" from Which with a checklist in it, to make sure you have covered all of the bases.

Thinking of you.

@DeadZed I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Have you got plenty of people and support to get you through today and then onwards?

Sending love and another handhold

I’m thinking about you and your children today. Do not hesitate to contact GP for sleep help. Remember to eat and drink when you can. Xx

Thinking of you also op. Lots of us will be whether we post or not. Sending you support.

Hugs &  for you op

My sil is going to look at the bereavement allowance for me.

The coroner phoned, they are going to do a post mortem which will take a week. I don't think the tell us once service is active in our area but then I don't know what I can do without the death certificate.

You can't do much without the death certificate . I would however get the form for the Berravement allowance so you have it when you do have the death certificate. I wouldn't worry about much else for now. I didn't even tell the bank or sky that my husband has passed until 3 months later. I was off with the children for summer holidays and just couldn't be bothered to deal with anything.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

DeadZed I’m so sorry for the loss of your Dh. Love and strength to you and your dc. My Dh died 20 months ago and I also have 4 dc, older than yours though. It sounds as if you have good support but if you want to pm me about anything please do so. I don’t know that there’s anything helpful I can say but I’m more than happy to try

I'm sorry to hear this

OP don’t rush yourself into feeling “ok” or putting on a face for anybody. You will get through this and your children will admire your strength.

All of you in my prayers.
Salam x

Another widow here...but quite a few years down the line and in same circumstances as mama It is pure devastation and I can't dress that up. You've got some very very hard days ahead. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Much love and hugs from an internet stranger

DeadZed so sorry for your loss 💐 they we give you a interim death certificate which essentially proves for want of a better word the death and allowed you to contact banks etc and for any bereavement allowance etc.

So sorry for your loss.

You won't be able to use Tell Us Once as the Coroners Certificate won't have the reference number you need, I'm afraid. So it's the long process of calling everyone individually.

Am dealing with the aftermath of a sudden death too. PM me if you would like to chat x

Your poor, poor DH. He must have felt beyond anything. It is NEVER a coward's way out and something he must have ruminated on for a long time. No doubt he felt you would be better off without him. How wrong and distorted a mind can become.
But you and your DC are left bereft.
So much good and supportive help on here, I cannot add more.
May your DH rest in peace and my hopes, prayers and thoughts are with you all.
I'm in Dorset if you ever need a stranger on the internet to help or give you a hug.