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Original poster

Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

591 replies

Casperandme · 18/10/2018 08:57

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

  • there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
  • I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 18/10/2018 17:52

I'm avoidant about phone calls

SunshineP · 18/10/2018 17:57

I figured out a while ago that I’m a social disaster so I tend to keep to myself.
I’m not very attractive and there isn’t a lot I can do about it.
But I’m ok.

MissDai5y · 18/10/2018 18:00
  • my weight disgusts me. I am the biggest I have ever been and I hate it but I can't find the motivation to pull my finger out. I can only ever seem to lose weight through restriction or purging if I am punishing myself.
  • The only reason I do anything is for others. Whether it's to show I have some use or just to cover up the fact I am a useless slob.
  • The only people I stay in contact with when I am removed from regular contact with them (i.e. leaving school, changing work etc) are those that persist with me. I genuinely miss a lot of people that I no longer speak to but can never be bothered to maintain the relationship. I compartmentalise my life, if you're not in the same box as me you'll not hear from me unless you prompt it. Of course, this also means when I go back to that box I will also not contact them because that would be a twatish.

Despite this I still kind of like me and my life. I am useful to others and that makes me feel good.
I suspect though when I get old and useless I'll just end up a headline in the Sun "wall had to be demolished to remove woman's corpse"

UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 18/10/2018 18:12

I’m not a nice person even though I try not to be

I’m lazy and just want to be on my own list of the time

My mental health problems aren’t under control enough and I’m too lazy and embarrassed to sort it

I think I’m a terrible mum, and it’s probably true

I’ll never be able to handle another child no matter how broody I am

EthelHallowsBroomstick · 18/10/2018 18:45

I can relate to so much of this.

It's interesting seeing how so many of us have a dark side, though it's a bit disturbing how many admit to being manipulative Shock

There are some things here that I relate to and don't mind - Like enjoying time alone and preferring that to being sociable!

So, mine...

  • I get really snappy when I'm sleep deprived.
  • I am chippy around people who are well off, even though I'm really uninterested in bling etc and live in a small house by choice (as I don't want a large mortgage)
  • I absolutely loathe one of my BIL's gfs to the point where I avoid family occasions she might be at and encourage DH to too, so he hasn't seen his DB in over 2 years (tbf I have told him he could meet up with his DB without me and he's not bothered, but due to distance etc it'd be much easier if I didn't want to avoid them)
  • I am really highly educated at the taxpayer's expense even though I knew I'd become a SAHP as soon as I could
  • related to the above, I really hate jobs! But I'm not sure if that's due to my MH
  • I am jealous of people who have more support and more childfree time, though at the same time I don't think I'd want to leave my children (and sometimes judge a bit when parents don't spend much time with their kids... but is that jealousy?)
  • I'm making excuses for all of the above but I really don't know what's due to my MH /lack of support for it (I have a diagnosis of BPD) and what is due to me being a bad person. Maybe it's a combination?
StrawberryFilter · 18/10/2018 18:55

I have found my people Grin

Thrilled so many other MNers feel like they're lazy and judgmental and antisocial (I prefer 'introverted') and it's not just me.

SideOrderofChips · 18/10/2018 19:11

I have severe anxiety and co dependency.

So I am
Not coping with my husband leaving me.

Also I gossip and can be very bitchy

I don’t like myself very much at the moment.

ThistleAmore · 18/10/2018 19:13

Fat people disgust me. I'm terrified of ever getting fat, and I think it's linked to growing up with an overweight mother and grandmother who was obsessed with weight and was constantly on a diet. I don't eat all day and consider myself a superhero for having a 'will of iron'.

I drink far, FAR too much, to the extent that it upsets my DP, but TBH, I don't care: I self-medicate with booze.

I have no resilience.

I loathe most other people and am extremely judgmental.

Despite being extremely bright as a child and attaining graduate and post-graduate qualifications, I've wasted my life and all my opportunities and I'm stuck in a ridiculous job. I always though I'd be a star, and now to be no better than slightly less than average really stings.

areyoubeingserviced · 18/10/2018 19:16

I like my own company too much and sometimes can’t be bothered to keep in contact with people

I can hold grudges

Gigis · 18/10/2018 19:17

I can be emotionally manipulative
I am very selfish (two go together I guess?) And as a result I already know I will only ever be, at best, an average mum to my tiny baby which I loathe more than I can ever describe and yet seem incapable of changing
I secretly think I am better than a lot of people with no evidence for this whatsoever beside a hideously inflated ego

Gigis · 18/10/2018 19:18

Shit, better add bad at grammar too! I meant loathe that I am selfish and it will affect my daughter as she grows up, not that I loathe my daughter!!!

CharismamaMia · 18/10/2018 19:21

I want to be a charismatic person with an inner citadel of confidence but i can wither and shrink if im ignored or rejected or passed over (socially).

DuckingMel · 18/10/2018 19:23

I can be a know-it-all and think I'm above most some people.
I have very negative inner voice.
I am often judgemental.
I am lazy and procrastinate.
I can become easily co-dependent.
I fear failure and others' judgement.
I need lots of alone time and can become a hermit in a self-imposed prison, ignoring my friends for long periods of time.
I can be selfish and feel sorry for myself too often.

ItLooksABitOff · 18/10/2018 19:24

I'm as neurotic AF. I'm better than I was, but always will be I think.

I am too blunt sometimes

I am socially lazy AF.

I can be defensive when called out.

dimsum123 · 18/10/2018 19:30

I love this thread!

I'm quite lazy and if I lived alone would turn into a complete slob.

I just seem to have no sympathy for all the refugees/migrants fleeing their countries and drowning in the sea etc. Maybe it's compassion fatigue but I just feel nothing when I hear/read about them.

I can be quite two faced and will talk about people behind their back.

I could go on but that's probably enough for now...Blush

Eastie77 · 18/10/2018 19:50

I am a (reluctant) manager at work and do not care about a single person in my team. They are all nice people and some are quite young and in need of guidance and mentoring but I cannot be bothered. One young team member was crying during our last weekly catch up as she is struggling with a client. I just thought "oh woman up you stupid snowflake" whilst pretending to sympathise. Other managers work hard on development plans for their team. I make no effort and tell my ducklings that career progression is entirely up to them. I'll put a card behind the bar for team drinks but never attend myself as spending time with them is too much effort and honestly, they bore me.

I'm not always happy when things go well for others. I dumped a friend because she had so much good fortune it irritated me. The final straw was her parents buying her a house in an area I've always wanted to live in.

I'm awfulGrin

BigfluffybearBum · 18/10/2018 20:10

I've had sex with every boss I've ever had and it's helped my career Blush

Original poster
Casperandme · 18/10/2018 20:28

Fascinating thread!

It feels good to get some stuff off my chest ... like admit I’m not as nice as people think I am

OP posts:
Ottermum23 · 18/10/2018 20:28

Such a fantastic thread!

I'm incredibly judgmental.

Very snobbish.

Tend to drop "friends" because...well... over nothing,really. If they don't suit my actual state of mind, I just stop the communication.

Im a loner and keep saying to myself, that I don't like people, but deep down I do crave human interactions all the time.

DieAntword · 18/10/2018 20:31

I drop friends the second I think they know enough about me to make me vulnerable and find new people who don’t know my weaknesses to spend time with.

RadioDorothy · 18/10/2018 20:49

I'm lazy.
I'm an expert at procrastination.
I prefer my own company, I need lots of time alone and admit I'm slightly sneery towards those who seem to perpetually need people beside them.
I'm over sensitive to criticism and very insecure, even though I'm quite intelligent and have a responsible technical job.
I can't reach out to others when I'm confused or desperate or upset, because I don't want anyone to think I'm not a woman who has all her shit in one sock. And I really can't be arsed to talk about anything for long anyway.
I have a few friends but I find female friendships hard work.
I am regularly 3 minutes late. For everything.

serbska · 18/10/2018 20:50

- The only people I stay in contact with when I am removed from regular contact with them (i.e. leaving school, changing work etc) are those that persist with me. I genuinely miss a lot of people that I no longer speak to but can never be bothered to maintain the relationship. I compartmentalise my life, if you're not in the same box as me you'll not hear from me unless you prompt it. Of course, this also means when I go back to that box I will also not contact them because that would be a twatish.

Oh god this is me!

NooNooHead · 18/10/2018 21:06

I am too dependent upon my parents financially to bail me out in times of need, and have become used to being able to call upon them for assistance at the grand age of 37, when I should be more financially independent.

As a consequence, I am ashamed of my lack of financial planning, and my awful reckless spending despite not having a job.

I’m impulsive, a spendthrift and buy things to make myself feel emotionally better about my health which makes me really depressed.

I hate my movement disorder and find myself feeling very embarrassed and socially anxious because of it. I dread getting a job where I think people will judge me about the odd involuntary movements that I feel are stigmatising.

I could write loads more but I would be here forever.🙄😥

rookiemere · 18/10/2018 21:15

I'm quite rigid and struggle with change, have got worse as I get older, often feel anxious if I'm rushed or running behind schedule.

I'm not a great DD and find it really tedious listening to my parents on the phone - only child and am better in person- often mumsnet whilst DM goes on about illnesses of some neighbour I've never met,

I'm quite judgmental of people - hopefully mostly in my mind.

I need my own space - found it very hard when we got a puppy a few months ago. DH and DS are primary carers but couldn't have my normal day off routine and felt very distressed - still can't but am slowly finding new routine. Put simply I don't like having something solely dependant on me and didn't enjoy DS as a baby at all.

Strangely manage to mask this at work where I think I'm seen as fairly robust and good with people

StormcloakNord · 18/10/2018 21:18

I love these threads.

I'm a fat gluttonous mess but can't bring myself to care cause my DP fancies me so much.

I love drama. I try so hard to pretend I'm above it and I don't like it but I love it when drama kicks off at work or on a night out. I sit there with an imaginary bucket of popcorn just indulging in the mess. Same with gossip. I don't gossip but when someone comes to me with gossip I am READY FOR IT.