Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

Greenberet thank you fir saying that. True that sleep can not be helped. Had a bad sleep patch a couple of weeks ago cause my Dad has been very ill so I was waking up v early worrying. Got to the point of feeling ill but ok now

Yeah I agree I don’t much fancy being analysed either. I just wanted to say my bit.

But - each to their own and all that

Other than my children, I don’t have an emotional attachment to anyone. Even my dp. I feel like I donlove him, but if he left and I never saw him again I can hand on heart say it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest and I wouldn’t miss him at all. I could quite happily never speak to anyone again, and often cut people off for no reason.

I did a college course a few years ago, spent every day for a year with this girl that seemed pleased to have me as her friend. We were in each other’s pockets and. We said goodbye on the last day and I’ve never spoken to her since. She did nothing wrong and has tried to get in contact many times but I don’t know why I don’t want to talk to her.

Same with family. I like in a different U.K. country to my mum/sisters/grandparents. But I never think about them or Male any effort to stay in contact. Again there’s been no arguments or ill feeing but it’s as if they don’t actually exist until they’re in front of me.

I also suspect I am autistic. My ds is being assessed and so many things are striking true with me and the way I am.

I gossip, I’m selfish and I can be envious of people who have more.
I HATE the last trait in particular, it’s awful and I’m really trying not to be that way, I would hate it if I passed that type of trait onto my daughter.

Same here. I wonder if I am just unlucky but I think it’s because I’m afraid of rejection. This goes really back to childhood and I’ve carried it with me since. I may require serious therapy.

Ashtray I guess you are referring to me with the analysing - I don’t mean to come across as this I’ve been told this before - but I’ve done the honest and raw - you just need to read some of my threads if you want to see how raw I’ve been - it’s not a nice place - we can beat ourselves harder than anyone else can - but we can also learn to love ourselves - and this is really hard when we have been conditioned to hide the raw and honest because it’s not the done thing - except not the done thing makes us depressed and anxious because we think it’s only me that’s like this everyone else is coping everyone else has the life I want everyone else is getting along tickety boo so there must really be something wrong with me. Except there isn’t it’s just that other people don’t say but when they do you realise you’ve been having all these shit feelings for so long and all really so unnecessary so self damaging so self limiting so all I’m trying to show is a bit of understanding and to show that it is possible to move on from this place if you want to not if I want you to but if you really want to. I’m just sharing the next step entirely up to anybody where they go from here

I might be misunderstanding ash's point but i disagree with her Pov.

This thread is quite lovely because we share our warts and how interesting it is to develop some self awareness. But these warts don't need to be analysed. I find this Freudian approach to mental health very old fashioned and navel gazing (sorry). How come mental health support hasn't really developed as much as other areas such as medicine in the last 100 years. Psychotherapy was only for the few rich and has roots in a completely different era.

Based on my own experience I have come to the view that I don't want nor need to analyse myself. Being self aware, not taking myself too seriously and trying to be kind and not sweating the small stuff is what I strive for. I don't want to improve myself or others, I am imperfect, insecure sometimes needy but I am doing other things quite well.

Accepting yourself 'warts and all' is quite nice for mental well being. I know it's simplistic but it's also ok.

Aryavinalaff that is exactly what I was going to say about myself!

It's actually really life affirming that so many people on here can be so honest about themselves and their shortcomings. It makes me for one feel much less shit about myself to know others feel the same.

I am not beating myself about anything. This threat is about realisations about things we were kidding ourselves about that are uncomfortable.

John you really sound like you have been through a tough time - I don’t fully understand what you are saying but hopefully you can understand yourself a bit better. I’ve come to look at my depression as a friend - does this make sense and I’ve only just said this now on here - but I guess this is how it is - because it is a very big part of me influences a lot of how I behave and act - but I also believe at the moment we have to be given a label - because somehow it makes us fit into a box otherwise people don’t know what to do with us but really why should I have a label? I have low mood so what? This is only a problem if I don’t meet other people’s expectations of me - if I live to my true self manage my tiredness, manage my responsibilities that I choose to take on, not that I feel conditioned to take on then I do fine as I did for 20 odd years.

Only when someone else comes along and says your not doing that anymore you now have to do this because this is the “norm” well bugger me it maybe your “norm” it may be right for you it may be what is perceived the majority are doing - but are they happy - not from this thread - so I’m going to make choices that are right for me regardless of how it fits into the norm, regardless of how sometimes I am judged, regardless of the majority because only I am my true best friend - this does not make me selfish or lazy or any of these negative judgements it makes me me and that’s all I can be

It's actually about getting to know ourselves better, stopping deluding ourselves and getting on with life. It's not a sympathy thread. More confessions please!

I once read something in a self-help book (I'm a sucker for the damn things!) that went:
"The things we really dislike in other people are usually the things we really dislike in ourselves but can't/won't acknowledge."

I wish I'd never seen that......

I much prefer younger men. My DH is sixteen years younger than me and was only nineteen when we first got together.

I’m never satisfied. I always dream I should have a cooler life somewhere else. I’ll pick a group of people and decide my life would be great if I could get them to accept me. In reality these people are never ever worth my high opinion. I really struggle with how mundane life can be day to day. I always imagine everyone else is having a much better time than me.

I never know what I want to do with my life, so still don’t have a real career at the age of nearly 40. I feel cripplingly inadequate about this.

I’m impatient with my DM. I really want us to have a good relationship, but we are like chalk and cheese. It’s gotten even worse since I had my twins nine weeks ago.

I can be horribly passive aggressive and I’m really bad at just voicing my needs. Then I’ll explode with frustration.

• I am a people pleaser - I've worked on trying not to be but it's innate. I don't like people to be upset with me.
• As a result of the above, people often walk all over me.
• I seem to have 'a type' of guy, unknowingly like. But after being married for a long time to someone who was quite controlling, I realise that in the past few years since my divorce I've unwittingly picked 3 guys who all display controlling behaviour-not at the start but the relationship becomes all consuming so that I have no life but my kids, work and partner.

I bottle up emotions and frustrations to the point that I erupt
I criticise myself constantly
My house is constantly a shit hole
I’m in debt again after being bankrupt 😳
I’m socially awkward and painfully introverted
*On the plus side... I love my family and animals and am a hard worker 😀

ralfeeamum oh that’s challenging to read! Maybe that’s why I find the loudmouth gossip at work so irritating...

I thought of another one - I pretend like I am too cool for social media but it’s a filthy lie. I think wayyyy too much about the image I present on there, the photos etc, my updates. I’ve also been known to remove posts if people haven’t ‘liked’ them after a little bit of time. I know it’s not good but can’t help it.

I pretend I’m too cool to care about how I look but actually I just know it’s a hopeless case.

I’m a people pleaser and therefore a subtle manipulator because I haven’t got the self esteem to ask for what I want/need, I just hope they will somehow read my mind and see that I want the same back as I am giving.

I’m terminally lazy and unmotivated and I loathe myself for it.

I live in an absolute dream world 80% of the time because I find the real world overwhelming which makes me a difficult person to relate to and I think it especially negatively impacts my kids because I am not present enough with them.

I secretly feel jealous of others acheivements even though I am super affirming of people in real life. I’m constantly paranoid that my twofacedness will be exposed.

That's ok though isn't it luggsays, you're envy isn't controlling your behavior, you're aware of your envy but you're in control of your behavior. Therefore your envy is useful to you as it is a sign post for you to identify what achievements would be meaningful for you. I don't think that is two faced.

I find it easy to cope with big crises but small, mundane problems really trouble me and I panic as a result.

All my problems boil down to a lack of confidence and low self esteem and I know the cause of that. I've had lots of therapy but much of it is hard wired in to me now.

I look forward to going away, holidays, etc and then constantly feel out of my natural habitat and want to go home.
I don't enjoy showering. Find it such a chore and shivery so don't shower every day.
I have a critical inner monologue which I'm trying to tame.

For me things feel very much hard wired too. Having had dysthymia with recurring major depression, eating disorders, anxiety etc, since my childhood, they feel like parts of my personality. I've had lots of therapy, but ultimately I'm too damaged to let go of my destructive defences.

I feel insecure, ashamed and guilty if I'm not perfect, or as close to that as I can be. Being imperfect, i.e. the fat, unsuccessful slob I am, makes me vulnerable. When I am slim, polished and doing well in my pursuits, I feel like nobody can hurt me, as they don't have anything to criticise or reject me about.

I wish I could just accept myself and be happy, but I am too scared. Better to avoid others and beat myself up about things pre-emptively before others do, as I'd hate to be unprepared for criticism or rejection. I somehow also believe that I have to shame and pressurise myself into action about my flaws. Otherwise I will always be a fat, underachieving slob.